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Original poster

Kicking a child

90 replies

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2006 21:33

I had a call from SIL yesterday, ranting about her mother.

SIL's DS who is 8, was misbehaving and kicked his grandmother. She kicked him back in the stomach. She wouldn't apologise, saying he'd kicked her and he could expect nothing less as a result.

The child (child being the operative word here) has just had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago.

When I told DH about this he said he wanted to hear his mother's side of the story before he made any judgement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He just says that the child shouldn't have kicked his grandmother and if any child of his did that then he would send him/her to their room. WTF? Missing the point or what.

Anyway, there is no way I'll ever leave my children in the care of someone who thinks it's ok to kick kids, whatever they've done. DH doesn't agree. I think he's barmy. He thinks I'm over reacting. Am I? To me, it's a clear case of Q.E.D. - she's simply not a responsible adult.

OP posts:
Socci · 21/12/2006 10:05

Message withdrawn

Caroligula · 21/12/2006 10:06

Oh 20 month old swipe. That's different from an 8 year old hitting their grandmama.

Emskilou · 21/12/2006 10:07

I agree with Caroligula on this. My grandmother lives with me and my two dcs (dd age 2yrs, ds 11 months) as you can imagine we regularly have children of all ages in and out of the house.

Although the grandmother was very wrong with kicking back (and very agile too it seems) your sils ds should not have really kicked her in the first place imo, this does not excuse her behaviour but I think all parties involved or concerned should talk about this rather than making snap decisions on what has been said or told second hand.

Also if your sil was that concerned why didn't she call the police or take her ds to the drs/hosp??

nothercules · 21/12/2006 10:11

I too have lived a very sheltered life!

jalopy · 21/12/2006 10:13

I'm more in shock that an 8 year old would kick his grandmother.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 10:15

Actually what I don't like is the wording that the toddler "swiped at her before when she's simply been in his face too much"

i.e. the implication was that it was grandmother's fault.

Sorry but I have a 14 month old and if she "swipes" she is TRYING IT ON and gets a proper telling off because it is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

If she did it to a GUEST or GRANDPARENT I would be mortified.

If I thought "Ahh well that was grandparent's fault for being "in her face"" (not sure what that means exactly TBH) then I would not be surprised if I ended up with an 8 year old who thought it was ok to kick his grandmother.

Winky violence is NOT ok, ever. But that means it shouldn't be JUSTIFIED, ever, surely? Even if the perpetrator is a fractious toddler?

Caroligula · 21/12/2006 10:17

I wouldn't describe a fractious toddler's swiping as violence, tbh

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 10:20

I tend to take a zero-tolerance policy on violence in the home - I am v. strict on this point TBH.

JustUsTwoTurtleDoves · 21/12/2006 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hippmummy · 21/12/2006 10:43

Totally agree with turtledoves. There is no debate here about whether the boy was wrong to kick granny. Of course he was and should have been disciplined PROPERLY.

It is outrageous that the woman kicked him in the stomach in retaliation. And more amazing that some people think SIL is at fault for having a child who kicks.

Socci · 21/12/2006 10:44

Message withdrawn

Mumtimes2 · 21/12/2006 10:53

Unfortunately, this method of disciplining children who hit/bite/smack/kick by retaliating in the same way is often advocated by some parents/grandparents.

Enlightened adults/parents know that this is wrong and most have a zero tolerance on violence, but the onus is ALWAYS on the adult to act like an adult in these cases.

If a child is violent, the adult has to show them that violent behaviour is unacceptable, how can you do that if you respond with violence..? sorry to go slightly off-topic, but the point is the GM should not have reacted in this way and the SIL should have addressed this issue with the GM at the time.

UCM · 21/12/2006 10:59

This sounds like there must be more to it. Imagine these scenes:-

Nan sitting on sofa and 8 year old asks for sweets/money for the shop, she says no and he gives her kick in the shins. She says 'Oi you little monkey' and goes to kick him a play kick up the bum whilst sitting down, but he turns round and it hits him in the stomach.

Or Nan gets up and drop kicks him in the stomach whilst holding his hair and screaming you 'little bastard' sort of thing.

I think they are quite different scenes, but if my Stepmother did the first (which she wouldn't anyway, I wouldn't be as mad IYKWIM)

sotheycalledmeparapapillon · 21/12/2006 10:59

she is walking a VERY thin line kicking a boy who has just had open heart surgery

what if she her foot had hit the wound!

If it was me winkywinkola i would have her up about what she has done and the potential consequences and I would tell me SIL that for the safety of her child she needs to speak to her as well.

In fact, a family meeting is well in order. So what if she feels accused. She needs to learn a thing on two!!

UCM · 21/12/2006 11:01

Will add though, if my 8 year old kicked anyone, he would probably get a slap from me. I would like to think that my kids wouldn't do such a thing.

SaggarClaus · 21/12/2006 11:01

It was wrong for an 8 year old to kick his grandmother.

Wrong for GM to kick him back.
She is the grown-up after all.

And to do that after open heart surgery - what was she thinking?! The emotional trauma alone of that is probably one of the reasons he lashed out in the first place.

maryhadaharpsichordyeahlord · 21/12/2006 11:01

if someone kicked my eight year old (recovering from heart surgery or no) in the stomach and they believed that was justifiable as retaliation, then I would speak to the police. And I would never ever have them in my house again with my children present.

JustUsTwoTurtleDoves · 21/12/2006 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Socci · 21/12/2006 11:04

Message withdrawn

Mumtimes2 · 21/12/2006 11:08

I agree with Justtwoturtledoves, retaliating with violence surely sends a mixed message to the child?

UCM · 21/12/2006 11:11

I don't currently slap DS who is 3, but as an 8 year old I think I would because I would be horrified that he had done such a thing. It wouldn't be about teaching him anything, as by that age, he should know not to do this. It would be reactive I think. I am trying to imagine it.

hippmummy · 21/12/2006 11:15

Agree with Mumtimes2 that it is a generational thing. I remember DS1 biting me at age 11months and FIL telling me to "bite him back".

If this grandmother kicked the little boy because she is following this 'logic' I think Winky and SIL should discuss with her that this is NOT how they wish their childrens' aggressive behaviour dealt with. And if she cannot agree the children should not be left in her care.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 11:21

I agree with UCM - it is perfectly possible to imagine the situation happening

If my 8 year old kicked his grandmother I would be VERY TEMPTED to call the police to deal with HIM to give him a shock TBH. But as I said, my parents are old and frail and certainly not capable of kicking an 8 year old in the stomach! If an 8 year old kicked one of my elderly relations there'd probably be snapped osteoerthritic bones and burst varicose veins all over the place.

Winky are you sure it isn't just family-gossip getting out of control? Your SIL's story doesn't really make sense to me.

Socci · 21/12/2006 11:26

Message withdrawn

UCM · 21/12/2006 11:29

Thanks MP, I was imagining my boy as an 8 year old kicking my 75 year old stepmother..... and was horrified

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