Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Kicking a child

90 replies

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2006 21:33

I had a call from SIL yesterday, ranting about her mother.

SIL's DS who is 8, was misbehaving and kicked his grandmother. She kicked him back in the stomach. She wouldn't apologise, saying he'd kicked her and he could expect nothing less as a result.

The child (child being the operative word here) has just had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago.

When I told DH about this he said he wanted to hear his mother's side of the story before he made any judgement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He just says that the child shouldn't have kicked his grandmother and if any child of his did that then he would send him/her to their room. WTF? Missing the point or what.

Anyway, there is no way I'll ever leave my children in the care of someone who thinks it's ok to kick kids, whatever they've done. DH doesn't agree. I think he's barmy. He thinks I'm over reacting. Am I? To me, it's a clear case of Q.E.D. - she's simply not a responsible adult.

OP posts:
Socci · 21/12/2006 11:30

Message withdrawn

UCM · 21/12/2006 11:34

Who knows, but the story does sound really strange. I cannot imagine any adult kicking a child in the stomach (heart surger or no). Really I can't. Thats why I put in the scenario about a play kick up the bum.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2006 11:35

The GM is 50 years old, fit as a fiddle and not elderly or frail at all. She does have some funny ideas about child rearing but I never thought she was childish enough to retaliate like this.

I really think it's irrelevant how hard or strong the kick was TBH. I don't really know how hard it was but the threatening behaviour was there and to me, that's enough. She is a grown up and the kid is 8. The boy was wrong to kick, of course, but that's where are adults come in, to guide and advise children when they go wrong.

When my 20 month old son takes a swipe at anyone, he gets told off, calmly and firmly. But certain OTT behaviours from adults who don't respect a child's personal space do aggravate him.

Crikey, MorningPaper, if you get the police out when your kid kicks someone, what will you do if he/she gets caught shoplifting, for example? Don't run out of ammo! You're very amusing!

OP posts:
Mumtimes2 · 21/12/2006 11:37

Agree with Socci, the key word here is appropriate...

It was inappropriate for GM to discipline child in this way. There are more appropriate ways to emphasise that violence is unacceptable.

Back to the OP, winky what do you think the way forward wiil be for you and your SIL?

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 11:38

Winky if I had an 8 year old who kicked his (elderly) grandmother I would be desperate to put the wind up him before he was 15 and doing the same to his girlfriend, TBH

hippmummy · 21/12/2006 11:40

I think the age of the grandparent is irrelevant.

Surely the point is simply this:- the boy should not have kicked his grandmother. But he is a child who was badly behaved and needed appropriate discipline.

A kick in the stomach in retaliation is not appropriate discipline.

Neither is calling the police to give him a 'shock'.

JustUsTwoTurtleDoves · 21/12/2006 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Socci · 21/12/2006 11:44

Message withdrawn

Mumtimes2 · 21/12/2006 11:44

Fair point JUTTDoves.

Blu · 21/12/2006 12:21

Major surgery often has a very profound effect on young children (and adults, actually) - surgery sends bodies into shock, they can be very very volatile emotionally, and it can be hard for children to convalesce, with their lives in turmoil, missing school routines disturbed etc.

Lots and lots pf possible factors to weigh up here, but whatever else may or may not have gone on, of course it is not ok for an adult to retaliate in kind over any kind of physical reaction from a child.

justaphase · 21/12/2006 12:27

My DH has a sister, 6 years younger. He always tells me how when they were little whenever they had a fight and he smacked her she would run to mum a scream: "Mummy, mummy, he kicked me in the stomach". Cue dh getting a good slap and being sent to his room to think about his behaviour.

swiftybaby · 21/12/2006 12:44

The child has just had surgery FGS! It is simply wrong for an adult to retaliate in such a way, she should be talking to him not bloomin kicking the poor thing. Also to calling the police over a 8 year old kicking his Grandma in the shins!Simply ridiculous...

munz · 21/12/2006 12:52

there's errors on both sides here, but more on the grandmas - yes the boy shouldn't have kicked out but the gran as the older adult should def not have kicked back - all she's teaching the boy is that if someone kicks you it's ok to kick them back and that violence = more violence. I personally wouldn't want my DS being around either of his nanna's if they felt as your MIL does.

J is 10 months and has started to bite (only me in the house but it's not on to bite anyone), he got a telling off (was just no that's not nice in a firm voice) and then sat on my lap for a minute or so. you can have a zero tollorance to violence and explain to the child what they have done is wrong and why.

tbh re your own children your DH will need to talk to your MIL and tell her how things are in your house for disipline and your methods etc. but if u ask me there's absolutly no justification for an adult hitting/kicking a child, no matter how hard. (a current fight i'm having wiht DH, but i've told him if he lifts a finger on my son to disiplin him we'll both be out the door)

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2006 13:00

Yes, I've asked DH to make sure his mum knows how we choose to discipline in our family. Hopefully she'll respect our parenting choices.

But I think both he and SIL are scared of their mother and find it hard to vocalise different opinions to her.

OP posts:
swiftybaby · 21/12/2006 13:04

she sounds lovely seriously though, hope you work it all out without to much upset.

Socci · 21/12/2006 13:04

Message withdrawn

Bugsy2 · 21/12/2006 13:17

Wow, how bizarre! I still don't quite understand how a 50 year old woman could kick an 8 year old in the stomach unless he was on the ground.
Totally weird scenario. Sounds like really grim behaviour all around. TBH, if my son who is 7 kicked his granny, I'd say he almost deserves what he gets & I am right up there on the anti-smacking brigade.
If the GM is that difficult & hard for children to cope with then the mother had some responsibility not to leave them alone together.
Not sure really - lots of speculation because we don't know the full circumstances.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 21/12/2006 13:17

If I saw an adult kick a child in the stomach I would call the police. No question. Family or not. And if it was my child who received the kick, I would press charges for assault.

Disgraceful, disgusting behaviour.

Socci · 21/12/2006 13:38

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 13:41

Indeed

However

No one HAS seen an adult kick a child in the stomach as there were no witnesses at the time

sotheycalledmeparapapillon · 21/12/2006 13:46

Unless there has been a history of violence in the family, I would hope the family can work on resolving this - bringing the police in doesn´t help family relationship (nothing against the police in this case)

I feel it is really important you talk to the grandmother about how uncomfortable you feel - the post by Blu is a good beginning for insight into why what happened should not have

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2006 13:46

? MorningPaper, you are very strange.

The GM said herself she wasn't going to apologise for kicking the boy because he had kicked her. She herself admitted it to SIL but in a self-righteous way.

If a child came to you and said this or something similar had happened, would you instantly disbelieve them?

OP posts:
maryhadaharpsichordyeahlord · 21/12/2006 13:48

actually the grandmother said he'd kicked her, according to the OP.
so that's a witness

colditz · 21/12/2006 13:55

my mother is 53, she could easily kick me in the stomach and is not partcularly fit!

Kidstrak · 21/12/2006 13:59

Morningpaper you got the wrong end of the stick at your first post, and you hadn't even read it through properly before posting and YOU are still getting it wrong, I take it you wouldn't mind a grandparent kicking your 8yr old in the stomach 4weeks after major surgery, I have a 71/2yr old ds who can be a bit boisterous at times and yes i would be upset and probably mortified if he were to kick his grandmother, BUT if my son's grandmother retaliated in anyway by lifting any part of her body and striking my son, then she would have hell to pay for one she would be teaching him its ok for an adult to strike a child, I'm not saying the boy should have got away with it, a stern talking to of not lifting your feet from the floor unless kicking a ball in a game would be enough to explain to a boy of this age, i don't agree with your points of view MP

Swipe left for the next trending thread