Girlfriend danced with "step brother" on a night out....

[stepdad85]

To cut a long story short I'm looking for some opinions on something that happened recently that is really bothering me.

On Christmas day at my girlfriends family's house they had a surprise visit from her mams new husbands sons, they both flew over from Australia. I've been with my girlfriend nearly two years and up until then didn't even know they existed. Both of them are pretty good looking, well built lads. My girlfriend was so exited to see one of them in particular it raised a bit of a weird feeling for me, I guess jealousy is the word I'm looking for. This lad is not blood related and she mentioned him a good few times over the next few days. I never showed her I was feeling jealous, at the time I thought it was unwarranted and down to my insecurities.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and we got an invite to the lads leaving party as they're going back to Australia shortly. We spend the night in a social club drinking and head to a busy bar/club at the end of the night. My girlfriend is their, along with her mam, her "stepdad" and his sons and each of the sons girlfriends.

By the end of the night my girlfriend and the lad I had a funny feeling about (her step brother) were on the dance floor together, holding hands, his arms around her waist and on the top of her backside, she had her arms around his shoulders and neck, their faces right next to each other and to my eyes it looked wrong. This went on for about an hour, I tried on two occasions to come over and join them as I felt like a right fool standing their with her mam while she was dancing with him but she basically ignored me. I took a couple of photos of them in each others arms with the intent to show her in the morning because I knew she would say I was just being jealous and it was nothing. The lad she was dancing with could see I was getting upset and came over and said something along the lines of "she might be dancing like that with me but at least she's going home with you mate", apparently he was trying to make me feel better but it really didn't come across that way to me at the time.

Foolishly I ended up talking about this with her on the night and because of my drunken state I didn't put this across in the manner I would have liked. She is now super angry at me for being "disgusting" for suggesting something was going on. She states she cares about him like a brother and they were just having fun.

Meanwhile I've showed the photos to several people who have all said it doesn't look right and she was at very least not being very respectful to me by dancing with him like that. I've not brought it up with her again since as I know she's still mad about it all. This has really upset me, I never in a million years thought she would dance that close with someone in front of me, we always saw eye to eye on what we each found acceptable behavior while in a relationship etc, I literally couldn't believe my eyes when I saw them. Up until now I trusted her 100% and that has been spoiled because right now I can't believe her.

She was adamant I was being unreasonable and jealous but I feel like I know what I saw. I know the lads girlfriend was also out that night and I'm not sure what she made of all of this. I called the lads dad last night to apologize for causing a scene by mentioning I was unhappy about it and he replied by saying "you don't need to apologize I understand".

What are people's opinions on this? Am I being a jealous maniac? Am I over reacting? Is she hiding something from me about this? Or should I just drop it?

Would you consider that a normal way to dance with a distant family member? Personally I would never dance with my mams partners daughter like that. I'm so shocked about the whole thing and I really hope it's just me being daft and over exaggerating things. I still have the photos and I'm unsure if I should show them to my girlfriend so she can see what it looked like to me. If I'm wrong about it she's going to be very upset I don't trust her but I just can't internalize how she felt comfortable doing that in front of me.

Do you know of any siblings who dance like that?

It's a shame that the op can't remember what really happened because he was so drunk, isn't it? And a shame that he caused a drunken scene by trying to intervene on the dance floor, when everyone else in the family was quite happy (except for the poor bloke he was claiming was pawing his woman - who when everyone was sober said he was scared of the op - makes sense to me - if I was dancing with my stepsister and my girlfriend and the ss's drunk enough boyfriend lurched into view caterwauling, i's probably say something like 'hey dude, she's going home with you, nothing to fret about')
Op, you sound like a jealous twat. I fully expect you to take heart in the number of simpering folk who are agreeing with your story, but as you can't really remember what happened, I think you know the truth.
Embarrassed much?
I'd be spitting venom if my bf caused a scene at a family party with my extended family.
But yeah - you two aren't exactly a match made in heaven, eh?

If the photos are so damning, why aren't they printed off and stuck on the mantelpiece?

Too many people humouring you OP. Your side of things just doesn't add up.

I think you were really drunk and got madly jealous. You also say she wasn't dancing with just him, more family members were involved. It sounds like they were having a drunken family touchy feely emotional night you went and make something sexual out of it.

I missed that part about dancing with more family members and other people involved ? Where does it say that I just re read post ? Why is there a string of people being horrible to the OP do you know something I don't or are you trolling ?

Adrian, I have read previous threads, all of this thread, and posted my opinion. Why would that be trolling?

madwoman, I disagree. And anyway, nobody said he was "caterwauling". You added that bit in for dramatic effect.

Madwoman.

The irony in your post is strong. Please work on your own character before coming on here to judge others for theirs.

OP, I would ditch and move on. No one dances with their brother like that because it would be creepy as fuck.

It also sounds like there's a lot of gaslighting going on. None of this sounds good.

I have two step brothers, one i am particularly close to. Our parents married when we were 9 + 10.

I don't see him as a brother as much as a good friend. I hug and kiss him goodbye. I would NEVER dance like this with him!

Exactly Nottalotta. Hugs and kisses are fine, but slow dancing with his hands on the top of your bum- yeuch!

I think the "brother" thing is a bit of a red herring. They weren't brought up together, they met as almost adults, so they are simply like any other loose family connection, possibly like a distant cousin, but not like siblings.

It is impossible to say whether or not they were drunkenly larking about in an affectionate way, or on the edge of smooching, as I wasn't there to see it. I do wonder how the GF of this bloke reacted? Because that might give you more of an idea of how the behaviour looked to everyone else. I am not jealous over my DH at all, because he has never given me any reason to be. Both of us have friends of the opposite sex. However, if he was slow dancing with another woman for that long, and they looked like a couple, it would bother me I'm sure. I do think you need to sit with her and talk this through calmly. An over-jealous partner is a nightmare to live with, but this as you present it doesn't sound like a massive over-reaction. Are you jealous over her generally? Could she be fed up of this? Or are you usually quite laid back? Because if its the latter then I think she should be listening to you and be showing more concern that you're upset.

I've had maybe 2 other jealous moments in the past year. Both times I waited until the morning before talking to her. One of the times someone asked for directions and started trying to flirt with her and she held his hand before he left, the other time my mates told me she was flirting with one of my friends at a party. If I'm honest tho I do have a problem with jealousy I know I do. That's why I came on here, trying to work out if I was creating this while thing out of nothing. I guess different people have different boundaries, I personally would never dance with another woman in front of my girlfriend, regardless of who it was. My girlfriend is obviously a friendly touchy feely drunk, me being a man knows that's so easy to misinterpretate for those on the receiving end of it. I don't want to appear controlling i just want a certain degree of courtesy in certain situations, I don't think that's a huge ask really.

Are you jealous over her generally? Could she be fed up of this?

Not a reason or excuse to be slow dancing with another man.

A total stranger asked for directions and she ended up holding his hand before he left?

Yep, honey you have some serious issues with your ability to view life events and gauge appropriate reactions. She held his hand?

Really? So he said 'where's TKMaxx?' and she went right on in there, flirted outrageously, and begged him never to leave her, clinging on desperately for dear life to his trailing Palm lest she never saw him again?

Get a grip.

You lost me with 'me being a man'. Never use your sex as an excuse for crappy behaviour. Really.

My character isn't up for discussion.
But as expected, even though you can't remember what happened, you are happy to receive advice from folk who believe your version of events, despite no one else at the party thinking anything bizarre was going on.

And as for drubkenly taking photos of your gf dancing with another man deliberately to use as evidence against her? Really?

Totally damaged relationship. I have no idea why she is still with you, or you her, unless you thrive on the drama and have some desperate need to prove yourself right and her wrong. Which is a pretty pointless and shabby way to attempt to carry on.

Just move on. You'll both be far happier without each other, and your damaging dynamic is not going to be beneficial to her son, however much you think you've bonded.

Maybe AA?

madwomanbackintheattic

Its interesting how you are adding to what the OP posts.

Wow. Madwoman actually knows what the other people at the party were thinking. Now that's what I call adding detail.

I kind of agree with madwomen actually.

OP apparently needed to apologise to her family for his behaviour.
OP was previously jealous over GF holding hands () with someone who had asked directions.
The SB admitted to OP he was quite scared of him on the night.
OP and GF are still arguing about this.
We only have OP's description of the dancing to go on, no mention of the SB's GF or anyone else that was there having a problem with it.

None of it bodes well really.

OP, you don't think that it's a huge ask to want your girlfriend to modify her behaviour, but you don't want to appear controlling.

I think you are the problem here, and unless you really believe that she is being unfaithful, you are being unreasonable.

I find some of the things you say quite chilling.

I might as well - he has admitted he can't even remember, but everyone is still treating him as though he is the oracle of the truth of the occasion.
And anyone that can spin a bunch of women into agreeing that he was right to be jealous on the back of an alleged incident where his gf held hands with a total stranger asking directions is a freaking God. Really. I'm dropping my pants in my angst to get jiggy with it. The overwhelming aroma of testorone, mmmmmm.

Just because a dude shows up here with a sob story doesn't mean he is automatically in the right. Especially when he can't actually remember anything except losing his shit because his gf was dancing with another man, and he took photos of her doing it as evidence to use against her in the future.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work, and if I was the gf I would be running for the hills, and taking my son with me.

I have literally no idea why everyone is fawning all over him.

If I posted on here saying my bf got drunk and tried to start a fight with my stepbrother and took pictures of me dancing with him and accused me of wanting to shag him, and kept going on about that time I gave directions to a stranger and held his hand, everyone would tell me he had issues and rightly to LTB.

Yet a penis turns up and is automatically in the right?

Go figure.

I might venture to suggest that a dude who extrapolates 'holding hands' with a stranger, might have misread the 'dirty dancing' as well.

But, y'know. I'm sure he would be above using this thread to prove to his gf that he was in the right, given that a bunch of women who only have his version of a story about an event he can't remember agree with him.

I actually quite like men. Most of them. It's just the ones that try to weasel being right after getting drunk, starting fights at family parties, and taking photos of their gf's that creep me the fuck out. Especially when they feel the need to bleat to a bunch of other women with specially selected factoids to proof their virtuosity.

But anyhoo - anyone that takes photos of his partner as evidence has just proved the relationship has zero future.

So, off you fuck, op. You killed it dead, in the ridiculous presence of trying to save it.

I can smell the burning flesh from here.

madwomanbackintheattic

that is a whole lot of anger in that post.

But I agree that the relationship has no future.

I'm afraid I came here to post similar to madwoman- perhaps not quite as forcefully
What does not stack up for me is the fact that the op is the only person who seems bothered by the dancefloor scenario, which suggests to me that he is the only one which read something inappropriate into it.
Some other nuances to the OP's posts also suggest to me that he perhaps has esteem and control issues, despite very good intentions, I am sure.nits very difficult to offer advice in a scenario like this when the facts are coming through the viewpoint of one party whose account seems subjectively opposed to the other protagonists.

Regardless, this relationship is clearly needing put out of its misery and rather than focus on who did what, and why, my advice would be to have a grown up talk about whether it might be best to call it a day now.

Also "i don't want to appear controlling".
OP, you'll need to try a bit harder.

boney, you are damned right there is! I'm pissed on behalf of the gf whose drunken angry jealous bf is taking pictures of her and following her around trying to get her to 'confess', after trying to start a fight at a family party. I can't quite believe that everyone else is wasting their time wondering the gf and the sb fancy each other. Did I walk onto the set of Jerry Springer?

The op got pissed, tried to start a fight, and took photos of his gf to prove he was right and she was in the wrong. He can't even remember what happened, except he was in a jealous rage because he thought they were smoochy. (Same dude that accused his gf of holding hands with a stranger who asked directions) Did I walk onto the set of Jerry Springer?

And a whole bunch of women are pontificating and boosting his ego. Not pointing out that what he did was frankly beyond the pale and he needs to grow up and apologise to his gf, as well as either get some help for his control and anger issues, and accept he killed their relationship. Or at least take 50% of the blame for that particular demise.

I mean, I get that it's far more fun to try and work out whether the gf and the sb are getting it on, in theory, but in reality there is a woman who is having photos taken of her so he can accuse her of improper behaviour.

I'm angry on her behalf. Livid, actually.

Does it show?