Girlfriend danced with "step brother" on a night out....

[stepdad85]

To cut a long story short I'm looking for some opinions on something that happened recently that is really bothering me.

On Christmas day at my girlfriends family's house they had a surprise visit from her mams new husbands sons, they both flew over from Australia. I've been with my girlfriend nearly two years and up until then didn't even know they existed. Both of them are pretty good looking, well built lads. My girlfriend was so exited to see one of them in particular it raised a bit of a weird feeling for me, I guess jealousy is the word I'm looking for. This lad is not blood related and she mentioned him a good few times over the next few days. I never showed her I was feeling jealous, at the time I thought it was unwarranted and down to my insecurities.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and we got an invite to the lads leaving party as they're going back to Australia shortly. We spend the night in a social club drinking and head to a busy bar/club at the end of the night. My girlfriend is their, along with her mam, her "stepdad" and his sons and each of the sons girlfriends.

By the end of the night my girlfriend and the lad I had a funny feeling about (her step brother) were on the dance floor together, holding hands, his arms around her waist and on the top of her backside, she had her arms around his shoulders and neck, their faces right next to each other and to my eyes it looked wrong. This went on for about an hour, I tried on two occasions to come over and join them as I felt like a right fool standing their with her mam while she was dancing with him but she basically ignored me. I took a couple of photos of them in each others arms with the intent to show her in the morning because I knew she would say I was just being jealous and it was nothing. The lad she was dancing with could see I was getting upset and came over and said something along the lines of "she might be dancing like that with me but at least she's going home with you mate", apparently he was trying to make me feel better but it really didn't come across that way to me at the time.

Foolishly I ended up talking about this with her on the night and because of my drunken state I didn't put this across in the manner I would have liked. She is now super angry at me for being "disgusting" for suggesting something was going on. She states she cares about him like a brother and they were just having fun.

Meanwhile I've showed the photos to several people who have all said it doesn't look right and she was at very least not being very respectful to me by dancing with him like that. I've not brought it up with her again since as I know she's still mad about it all. This has really upset me, I never in a million years thought she would dance that close with someone in front of me, we always saw eye to eye on what we each found acceptable behavior while in a relationship etc, I literally couldn't believe my eyes when I saw them. Up until now I trusted her 100% and that has been spoiled because right now I can't believe her.

She was adamant I was being unreasonable and jealous but I feel like I know what I saw. I know the lads girlfriend was also out that night and I'm not sure what she made of all of this. I called the lads dad last night to apologize for causing a scene by mentioning I was unhappy about it and he replied by saying "you don't need to apologize I understand".

What are people's opinions on this? Am I being a jealous maniac? Am I over reacting? Is she hiding something from me about this? Or should I just drop it?

Would you consider that a normal way to dance with a distant family member? Personally I would never dance with my mams partners daughter like that. I'm so shocked about the whole thing and I really hope it's just me being daft and over exaggerating things. I still have the photos and I'm unsure if I should show them to my girlfriend so she can see what it looked like to me. If I'm wrong about it she's going to be very upset I don't trust her but I just can't internalize how she felt comfortable doing that in front of me.

I danced exactly like this with my best friend the other night, because I was drunk and my arms around her neck and shoulders was the best way of staying upright. I don't want to sleep her.
There could be lot of reasons why she thinks it's ok. I've slow danced with my dad before and he had his hands on my waist. Definitely don't want to sleep with him!!

There's a different chemistry between best friends and Dads. The Aussie step brother was neither.

umbongongo So drunk you couldn't stand upright? why do you drink yourself to this point to have a night out? slow dancing with dad with hands on waist is icky too.

Maybe it really was innocent, but in their drunken states it transpired into something more. The fact that she's so defensive is suspicious, but make sure you hear what she has to say beyond that.

Regarding the little boy, it's great that you put in the effort and you love him, but don't let that influence your decision. It's about you and her, so follow your instinct no matter how hard it is.

I have read your other posts and thid one. Your gf is very manipulative and she is playing you!
Wake up.

missbattleaxe but if she sees him as a brother she may have felt the same way I did.

whycant I wasn't so drunk I couldn't stand, I was wearing heels and a bit wobbly. Not that it's any of your business how drunk I decide to get in a night out. And there's nothing icky about being comfortable enough around my own father to have a dance with him.

You've had quite a few threads now where she doesn't seem to like you very much - yells at you, ignores you, avoids sitting beside you on the sofa. Not to roll out the old clichés, but is there anything good happening in the relationship, when she's not slow dancing with other men and telling you to get away from her on the couch? There doesn't seem to much left to salvage.

I'm going to show her the pictures and possibly this thread, depending on her reaction.
I think showing her this thread, if you want the relationship to continue, would be a really bad idea. You've posted plenty of times about your relationship with her and the problems within it. Would you want her to see all of that?

The dancing with the step brother - I don't necessarily think the dancing itself would be a deal breaker, but her reaction to your obvious discomfort over it is pretty poor.

Reading your other threads, it does seem that this relationship is not really going anywhere for you. She takes you for granted, for whatever reason. Not a good basis for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

missbattleaxe but if she sees him as a brother she may have felt the same way I did

They weren't raised as brother and sister. Their parents married two years ago and he lives in Oz so not exactly daily ordinary family stuff contact. No way would I slow dance with my brother! ICK!

I haven't been able to read every response but I just wanted to say I've been in a slightly similar position many many years ago. I would say there is an obvious sexual attraction between them. They know it's wrong as their parents are married, so of course she would deny it vehemently and turn it back on you...yet they also know they are not strictly blood related and so on some subconscious level it is 'allowed' and I'd say this is the reason they have pushed the boundaries and engaged with each other on an initimate level.

I don't think anything further would necessarily happen, but what they have already done at this party is wrong enough for me. I'm close to my brothers but I would feel disgusted if they danced that close and touched my a$$. It's innapropriate.

In fact it's inappropriate with anybody, as I am in a committed, loving relationship. If I were dancing with another male there would be some space between our bodies and faces, and his hands would never go lower than halfway down my back.

She has pushed the boundaries. I doubt she will ever admit it - who would want to admit to delving into the realms of incest even remotely? (I'm not calling this incest but it's slighlty nodding toward that topic isn't it) So if you confront her again and show her pictures then this could very well blow up into epic proportions. She might even eventually convince you that it is YOU with the problem and all in your head (as was the case for me). Don't let that happen.

Even the guys' father could see it was innapropriate. He 'understands'. God knows what the girlfriend must think, unless she is one of those carefree types who don't get jealous when their boyfriends touch another woman's bum?? Some women think that's an attractive trait.

You could either continue your relationship knowing there is this attraction/connection between them, or end it and move on. I'm guessing she doesn't see him often but must stay in contact some other way like FB etc? Only you know what you can deal with and what you find acceptable.

Personally from the sound of your posts you come across like a good guy and a good woman would never do this to you....I think you deserve more respect than this. I'm just sad that a child would have to suffer. Good on you for thinking of him through this, but that isn't a reason to stay in a relationship that isn't working for you. Maybe you can keep contact with him? Of course, the danger there is her eventually winning you over and getting back together only for the same pattern to repeat itself.

Sorry op, what a tricky situation.

Bizarre response Nicki. Why don't you just report the thread if you're not convinced?

I did

Umbongo
because I was drunk and my arms around her neck and shoulders was the best way of staying upright.

err.. this means you were so drunk you couldn't stand upright, since you decided to post about it on a forum, you have made it my business. if you want to keep it private then don't post. Your heels have buggerall to do with your inability to stand.

Well then no point coming on and making snidey comments then really, was there?

Quick update. The step brothers and their girlfriends were paying a final visit to my girlfriends mams house last night. I decided to pop round and try to clear the air with them. I asked for a quiet word with the one she was dancing with. I apologised, he told me he has known my girlfriend for nearly 10 years and sees her as a sister, he also said he was trying to make me feel better by saying what he did. Apparently he was scared of me that night, I do find that a little hard to believe mind. My girlfriend hasn't spoke to me for days and I'm pretty sure she's gearing up to ditch me, tho she hasn't asked me to leave our home yet. She's still to upset to talk to me about it. Im still not sure what to believe, tho it's occurred to me that nobody else seems to have a problem with how they were with each other that night. I just want her to understand that her actions were open to interpretation that night and while I may have been wrong I'm not a lunatic for thinking what I did.

"I've been apologizing for the way I reacted to this to her for days now."
"My girlfriend hasn't spoke to me for days"
"She's still to upset to talk to me about it."

Many many red flags, time as the majority have posted time to move on.

You see they both say they regard themselves as brother and sister but I doubt there's anyone in here that would dance with their brother that way. They might have known each other ten years but they don't see each other often and they weren't raised together as kids. It sounds like a definite attraction. They're using the sibling line to flirt in plain sight.

And you said it went on for an hour ! Outrageous honestly not normal she is bad news and now punishing you for her own bad behaviour. Looks like her silent treatment is working because you keep saying sorry ! Why not put the photos on here so we can judge too ?

Your relationship sounds unhealthy. Your GF appears to have been out of order dancing with her step-brother in this way, but I'd go bat-shit crazy if my BF had gone around showing photos of me to other people to ask their opinion if I was out of order...

Many, many years ago I had an ex who I used to fight with a lot. It would always end up being my fault and I would always end up grovelling for forgiveness. No matter how it started it would always, always end with me being in the wrong. Even on occasion when he had been violent that was my fault too - I didn't trust him enough and the problem was in my head... He read that cheaters are paranoid, had I been cheating? Etc etc.

Years later I see him for the abusive prick he was. I am intelligent and well educated and I cannot believe how duped I was by this man. It feels like an alternate universe where I was not myself but controlled by this horrible man. I think in years to come you'll probably look back on this with exactly the same feelings.

I'd be fucking devastated if my dh or any past boyfriend danced like that with another woman in front of me for an hour.
It's not normal, or respectful of your relationship. Your girlfriend has completely disrespected you, and the way she has treated you since is appalling. You deserve better.

I have two brothers I love, but I don't dance up to them for an hour or at all whilst ignoring my dh

Oh come on!
They arent like brother and sister.
How much time have they even spent together over 10 years living on diffetent continents?
She really has you under her thumb.
Do you really want to live like this for a few more years?
She treats you badly.
Maybe you arent ready yet.
She does not respect you.