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Original poster

Do I agree to DH staying out for the night?

89 replies

LittleMonkeysMum · 18/12/2006 20:42

Am I being a complete cow? He has a friend who lives about 1 1/2 hours away (by train and tube) or an hours drive. This friend loves their boys nights out, and hasn;t got kids so is still keen for them to meet up and go cheesy nightclubbing. Non of the group are heavy drinkers, and I don't think they're likely to be off with other women, but you can never be 100% sure. It's just that I don;t see why he needs to stay out for the night. My reasoning at the moment is that I'm 8 1/2 months pg and walking like a horse rider etc so the timing's a bit crap.
However, in the long term, why does he need to stay out? Why can't his friend and wife come here? Surely there comes a point in a mans life when he stops doing that nightclub thing?! DH is 35 FFS!! My Dad never stayed out all night? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SchneeBallFight · 18/12/2006 20:44

My DH sometimes does this but we live in the sticks so he cant get home if drunk (no public transport). I trust him and make sure he is always contactable so as long as I know where he is going and when he will be home it is cool. I wqould expect the same if I wanted to stay out too.

Hattie05 · 18/12/2006 20:46

In my opinion yes you are being unreasonable! My dp and i stay out on odd occasions when it is easier to stay at someone elses than to pay an extortionate amount to get home by cab.

Ok you are pregnant, but many women are single, or have husbands working away during pregnancy and still manage.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2006 20:46

You're 8.5 months pregnant?

Um no. He's a twat for asking you this when you're that far along.

foxtrottothefestivegrotto · 18/12/2006 20:46

I'd let him go, then make him stay in until the baby's 18th birthday. And hope you don't go into labour.

brimfull · 18/12/2006 20:47

Don't see a problem as long as you have a contingency plan incase you go into labour.
I would go away for a night and dh would aswell ,wouldn't dream of stopping him ,I'm his wife not his mother.

VeniVidiVickiQVatChristmas · 18/12/2006 20:48

I dont see a problem with it. Better to have a final nightclubbing out thing before the babies born because you definitely wont want him galavanting about then.

Even if you DID go into labour - if he's only an hour or so away - he can get back in plenty of time for you.

I wouldnt want him to after baby was born though, have to say.

munz · 18/12/2006 20:49

nope, well not at 8.5 months PG, DH did when I was about 5/6 months PG - but taxi was £40 odd quid home he was paraletic I was in bed and not about to pick him up/and he'd missed the last bus!

can't see why you couldn't all have a few drinks in the local or soemthing close to you??

LoveMyGirls · 18/12/2006 20:50

i wouldnt let him while im heavily pg but i would let him under normal circs. i'd say until baby is born and sleeping through the night hes got no chance if he were mine but other than that as its so far and you dont think he'll be up to much i'd let him.

crunchie · 18/12/2006 20:51

personally I would let him go. When you say he is 35FFS that is younger than me and I was dancing on the sofas at the MN night out AND i stayed out overnight at a random stragners house (thanks Oranges )

TBH I think you are being a bit of a cow, however timing isn't great so I understand that. BUT better now than once the baby is born IMHO

dmo · 18/12/2006 20:53

just let him go
if you trust him enjoy a bubble bath and an early night while he is away
my dh jusr been on a boys weekend away to amserdam and i really dont mind
i had a lovely day with our boys (aged 9 and 10) then we all got in our bed at 7 to watch x-factor

Blondilocks · 18/12/2006 20:57

I fully intend to be going out clubbing at 35, no wait, at 75 if I'm still able to walk far enough.

I can understand you not wanting to be left alone at 8.5 months pregnant, so perhaps it is reasonable not to want him to stay over at this precise moment in time.

However ignoring that fact temporarily if he doesn't stay over how will he get home? If he comes home by tube or train he'll probably have to leave pretty early (from my experience of public transport at night), if he drives he can't drink anything. I think it's perfectly reasonable in the long term to have nights out with mates.

Also if he's going to go off with women then he's just as likely to do it elsewhere than on a night out. Most of my male friends go off on nights out, get totally drunk & then end up sleeping in each others living rooms & totally ignore women!

Blondilocks · 18/12/2006 20:59

Also I doubt that him and his mate would pick up women & then take them back home to the aforementioned mate & his wife's house!

Hattie05 · 18/12/2006 21:09

Sorry am i missing something? whats so wrong in being left alone at 81/2mths pg? Especially as he's only and hour away if you needed him?

eggnog · 18/12/2006 21:10

let him go, then use it as a stick to beat him with for the next 40 years

tough one really. my dh left me alone a bit too much when i was heavily pregnant. he just didn't 'get it' until after the baby came. on balance if you are having an uncomplicated pregnancy and you have no signs of going into labour imminently it would be nice for him to have a 'last blast'.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 18/12/2006 21:11

I would object on grounds of being 81/2 months pregnant. Both of my children were born before that and I would expect him to be around at that stage in the pregnancy, especially as we have two other children.

Wouldn't have a problem with it at any other time though, as long as a) we could afford it, b) he gave me a bit of notice, and c) it wasn't too often.

Blondilocks · 18/12/2006 21:12

To be honest I don't see what would be wrong with him having a night out after the baby's born so long as he returned the favour in some way - perhaps by letting you have a relaxing day / night & lie ins.

SherlockLGJ · 18/12/2006 21:12

And the point is ????????????????????????

You get the bed to yourself ergo no snoring.

You get the TV to yourself and and and (note the build up) you get the remote control to yourself.

SherlockLGJ · 18/12/2006 21:13

Sorry that needed a

KateF · 18/12/2006 21:15

In principle I would say let him go, if you can't trust him you have a problem. BUT - my dh went out to a leaving do when I was 39 weeks pregnant and came home (v.drunk) to be greeted with "I'm in labour"! 7 hours later he was a father

Lact8AllThePies · 18/12/2006 21:15

No way would DP have gone out overnight when I was 8.5 months pregnant. Or at any other time TBH.

When we just had DS1 we had loads of nights out as he was old enough to stay over with his Nan.

After DS2 and DD arrived within 2 years of each other we have managed a few nights out but none of them seperately. There's no one I'd rather go out with then DP and he feels the same so we both think of going out with each other as a waste of a babysitting voucher!

And I'd be well pissed off if I did go into early labour and DP turned up at the hospital legless from his night out.

VPL · 18/12/2006 21:16

It wouldn't bother me as long as I could contact him if I went into labour early and he had a way of getting home if I needed him.

Caroligula · 18/12/2006 21:17

I'd be quite disappointed that my DH was willing to leave me alone at 8 and a half months pregnant tbh. I suppose you can "let" him go, it's his choice, but I'd be pretty pissed off he made that choice. If he does go, he majorly owes you a day off from normal life.

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 18/12/2006 21:18

My dh wouldn't have thought of going out all night when I was 8.5 months pregnant in any case, so it wouldn't have been a matter of my "letting" him. He knows his responsiblities - he's an adult and a father, not a teenager. Similarly when there isn't an obvious reason not to, it wouldn't be a matter of "letting" each other go out.

oranges · 18/12/2006 21:18

My dh was in remote West Africa when I was 8.5 months pregnant. We figured he had eight hours to get back from the first contraction. Crunchie

Blondilocks · 18/12/2006 21:23

I think you can still go out & be a responsible parent. Being a parent doesn't mean being forever tied in the house until the kids are 18.

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