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Original poster

Do I agree to DH staying out for the night?

89 replies

LittleMonkeysMum · 18/12/2006 20:42

Am I being a complete cow? He has a friend who lives about 1 1/2 hours away (by train and tube) or an hours drive. This friend loves their boys nights out, and hasn;t got kids so is still keen for them to meet up and go cheesy nightclubbing. Non of the group are heavy drinkers, and I don't think they're likely to be off with other women, but you can never be 100% sure. It's just that I don;t see why he needs to stay out for the night. My reasoning at the moment is that I'm 8 1/2 months pg and walking like a horse rider etc so the timing's a bit crap.
However, in the long term, why does he need to stay out? Why can't his friend and wife come here? Surely there comes a point in a mans life when he stops doing that nightclub thing?! DH is 35 FFS!! My Dad never stayed out all night? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

fortyplus · 19/12/2006 09:56

Normally no problem at all for dh to stay out overnight.

But if you're 8.5 months pg it's him that's being unreasonable.

Tell him to wait till the baby is a few weeks old.

Wordsmith · 19/12/2006 10:03

It's a strange feeling to almost agree with DominiConnor!

LMM will be only 2 weeks away from labour. It's quite possible that she could go into labour while he's away. It could be 1am and he could be in a nightclub, unable to hear his mobile ring. She has a small child as well. Regardless of what her DH wants, I think at this late stage of her pregnancy, he should stay with her if that's what she wants. He should be thinking of her, not himself at the moment.

As for LMM's last comment in the OP about staying out generally and being over 35... well I'm 44, my DH is 47 and when we get the chance for a night away (sadly not usually together) we take it! It doesn't happen very often, and it's always by mutual consent. As long as it works both ways what's the problem?

Wordsmith · 19/12/2006 10:05

Agree that it's better to stay out than roll in at 3am - I can never get to sleep if I know I'm going to be woken up in the middle of the night by a drunken DH trying to get his key in the door. (that is NOT a metaphor for nookie, before you ask!)

steffy1 · 19/12/2006 10:05

my dp regularly stays out overnight, giving advance 'notice'. this way, we find it both works-i know in advance and he still has a life!sometimes he stays out for a whole weekend-at his parents (300 miles away) and he goes to his mates in norway every few months!

he works very hard and is a fab daddy-why shouldnt he have some fun?!

he is good with me in return-never moans about when (if!!) i go out.

i know OP is v.v pregnant-but maybe he could limit his drinking so he's not completely drunk if you do go into labour? and make sure he has a way of getting back to you.

it may be his last night out for a while

amelie · 19/12/2006 10:25

Personally I think you're being a little harsh. My DH works about 1.5-2 hours away and it was touch and go pre birth (which was under 2 hours from start to finish in the end - fortunately he was there).
If it's only 1 hour away and he can drive back then I don't see the problem. I would stress that he has to be sober enough to drive - my DH stopped drinking 3 weeks pre due date each time - you never know when you'll be needed....

but he stays out now (DS 6 weeks) for xmas parties et al. Only fair - he's a very good daddy all the rest of the time.

bubsagrub · 19/12/2006 10:29

Sorry I've not read the whole thread, but I don't think you're being unreasonable - he's not travelling for urgent business and its a bit shite that he's leaving you at 8.5 months preg at home when anything could happen to you and he is larging it in some bar / nightclub etc.

I am sorry to sound harsh, but I think its a very bad sign that he wants to do this at all.

fortyplus · 19/12/2006 10:31

Totally agree that lovely mummies & daddies still need to be human beings - both of us go away for a few days at a time with groups of friends of the same sex. But not when the 'other half' is 8.5 months pg - unless there's a close friend or relative on standby in case of emergency.

One of my friends' husbands got banned from driving - and she lives in the middle of nowhere - so a bunch of us took it in turns to be 'on call' and sober for several weeks so that she always knew she'd have someoneto take her to hospital.

NOELallie · 19/12/2006 11:32

DH and I do loads of stuff seperately and it wouldn't even occur to me that it was up to me to 'let' DH do anything. He's a grown-up. Having said that I would expect him not to want to do anything if the timing was bad or if it would make life difficult for me for any reason.

However I would 'let' him go. Get it out of his system for a while so that he's ready for sleepless nights and NO social life at all for ...ooh ...a decade or so .

lazyemma · 19/12/2006 12:00

I don't see any problem with this at all, and agree with NOELallie that this whole business about "letting" your partner go out with their friends is a completely alien concept to me. I'd hate to be in the sort of relationship where either of us would feel we have to seek the other's permission before doing things: that's more like a parent/child relationship than one between adults, and I don't think it's healthy.

4 weeks after our baby is due, my brother-in-law is having his stag weekend in Wales. My husband was really worried about going and had been about to pull out, but I insisted he go. I'm sure me and bobba can manage on our own for a couple of days.

Dottydotthehalls · 19/12/2006 12:05

Sorry - not read the whole thread, but I'd let him go - he'll enjoy himself and you'll get millions of brownie points which you can use later!

Dp hates going out and doesn't drink, whereas I (ahem) do, so if i'm off out for the night with work (- probably happens about 3 times a year!) I get to stay at my Mum's for the night - she lives on the next road to us but is much more laid back about me staggering home in the early hours... Also I get a lie in, which is worth it in itself.

So then I make the morning drinks/meals/do whatever I can for the next 6 weeks to say thank you!!

kama · 19/12/2006 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

aDadOnADustyRoad · 19/12/2006 12:41

good point there kama, even though I was one who held the oppsite view ifyswim. I know my dp felt differently to that in pregnancies, and actively encouraged me to go out if I wanted, particularly right at the end where time slows right down.

Frostythesurfmum · 19/12/2006 12:46

I agree kama. I'm normally a fairly laid back, calm, take everything in my stride sort of person, plus dh can go where likes with whom he likes and stay out if he likes. But I was totally freaking at the thought of going into labour without dh with me and I really wouldn't have wanted him staying out for the night that close to the due date. Afterwards wouldn't have been a problem.

NOELallie · 19/12/2006 13:11

Ah maybe that's the difference. I just wanted to hibernate when pregnant - my idea of heaven was a bed to myself and lots and lots of sleep. And I wasn't worried about being in labour (for some reason) - and as it happened DH was not much use to me during. But being alone with my first baby terrified me! I'd rather have gone through labour again than the first few months with with no#1.

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