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Original poster

Do I agree to DH staying out for the night?

89 replies

LittleMonkeysMum · 18/12/2006 20:42

Am I being a complete cow? He has a friend who lives about 1 1/2 hours away (by train and tube) or an hours drive. This friend loves their boys nights out, and hasn;t got kids so is still keen for them to meet up and go cheesy nightclubbing. Non of the group are heavy drinkers, and I don't think they're likely to be off with other women, but you can never be 100% sure. It's just that I don;t see why he needs to stay out for the night. My reasoning at the moment is that I'm 8 1/2 months pg and walking like a horse rider etc so the timing's a bit crap.
However, in the long term, why does he need to stay out? Why can't his friend and wife come here? Surely there comes a point in a mans life when he stops doing that nightclub thing?! DH is 35 FFS!! My Dad never stayed out all night? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Tortington · 19/12/2006 00:00

i do compltete weekends away getting absolutley shitfaced in cheesy nighclubs in oldham ( becuase oldham has no other kind)

my dh doesn't bat an eyelid.

its all about prior notice and trust IMO.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 00:01

Custy has also seen the inside of a swingers' club.

But people, the OP is very, very pregnant.

Tortington · 19/12/2006 00:07

yes i have. my mate got a shag there.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 00:09

Custy just went along for the eye candy - I mean, wait, hold on, we're talking about Oldham here .

I can't imagine having the energy to stay out all night!

I stayed out till 2AM the other day and I felt kack for days.

Tortington · 19/12/2006 00:10

hay it was manchester - but still no eye candy in place like that - all seedy nekkid weirdos in weirdy rooms where you can watch

alibauble · 19/12/2006 00:24

Well I let my H attend his Christmas do, when I was overdue on the grounds that he limited it to two drinks or had to pay the exhorbitant Taxi fee from Dunblane to Glasgow Princess Royal .

But to answer the OP. If you're not comfortable with it, is there not a compromise you can reach?

ChristmasPresence · 19/12/2006 00:26

I can't believe some of the attitudes on here! Some of us have DPs who work away, miles away and have to take the risk that they might miss the birth. Chances of it happening on the one night he has out with his mates is slim. What I find strange is that so many of you won't "let" your other halves go places. It just doesn't sound like an equal partnership (unless they don't let you go anywhere either!)

kama · 19/12/2006 00:40

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/12/2006 01:04

She's got 2 weeks to go - its one night. Its an hour away. It really isnt major. IMVHO.

DeepPannCrispandEven · 19/12/2006 01:09

oh yes it is.

kama · 19/12/2006 01:24

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Wordsmith · 19/12/2006 07:57

Where does the OP say anything about 'letting' her DH go out? I think the word is 'agree to...'

belgo · 19/12/2006 08:03

I agree with foxtrottothefestivegrotto's post.

ninja · 19/12/2006 08:13

I'd let him go - as everyone says better than after the baby's born. But then I can't really talk as I went on a hen night the day before I went into labour (not drinking obviously) and stayed 1 1/2 hours away from our house! - so for me the pregnancy wouldn't cause a problem. Sadly labour is likely to last a lot more than that!

ProfYaffle · 19/12/2006 08:23

My dh stays out fairly regularly, infact this weekend he stayed in London with friends and I'm 29 weeks. When he came back I said it was a bit lax of us not to make some sort of contingency plan incase I went into early labour, especially as our families aren't close by.

I think it does sound like you don't trust your oh which is a bit worrying, but, at 38 weeks I would want dh to be sober and on hand. Being an hour away is OK if he's in a state to drive.

Dophus · 19/12/2006 08:29

My DP does this regularly (well every few months) - he's 40.

As long as he is contactable by phone and prepared to pay for taxi in the unlikely event you go into labour and he is over the limit!

When we were first together I used to get peed off with his boys night's out - now I just let him go.

kama · 19/12/2006 08:36

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Message withdrawn

Original poster
LittleMonkeysMum · 19/12/2006 08:56

Blimey, OH's really keen to see the responses from this. I've told him that it's entirely up to him whether he goes or not, but if I go in to labour whilst he is away I shall never forgive him, so I think he gets the message and pretty sure he's not going to go. It's not really that important a night out anyway so I don't feel bad expressing my dissatisfaction with the possibility of him not going.
I don't like the idea of him staying out all night anyway, think it's unnecessary, but will attempt to revise my views as think that's a bit ott. However as I said, I have absolutely no problem with him just going out, and I would never veto his nights out, and nor would he for me. I do really enjoy it when he goes out as I don;t have to cook a proper evening meal (egg and chips here we come!!) and I can have an early bath and read in bed. Bliss.
BTW DD is 14 months old and we don;t have a completely reliable contingency plan about what we're going to do with her when labour does start.
Also, as well as possible v quick labour, I have group B strep so need to get to hospital asap for iv antibiotics.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMonkeysMum · 19/12/2006 08:58

Hmmm I obviously meant ....so I don't feel bad expressing my dissatisfaction with the possibility of him going, not "not going", too many double negatives!

OP posts:
ninja · 19/12/2006 09:05

sorry i didn't see the the 4.5 hour labour! I guess just decide whether you'd rather he went now or after - could you offer him a compromise of a night out after the baby's born?

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2006 09:10

Well I think you do sound a bit unreasonable. I wouldn't be happy with the idea of DH going out and getting slaughtered when I was 8 months pg, but clubbing ok, staying away overnight ok. DH was working 2 hours away on my due date with DS. Never got to due date with DD.

expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 09:12

I'm still trying to puzzle out where people over the age of 30 get the energy to party all night.

Even in my heydey, there came a time when you just wanted your bed - well, okay, maybe not alone, but still .

aDadOnAOneHorseOpenSleigh · 19/12/2006 09:20

Haven't read other responses.

Let him go out. It's only one night, he doesn't do it all the time. Being 35 doesn't mean you can't have nights out like this. It's not age-restrictive, thank god.

You say he loves his boys nights out - let him have it, there aren't going to be many for a while once the baby comes along.

DominiConnor · 19/12/2006 09:36

I think it's important that you both pace yourselves, and a bit of leisure time is quite essential.
It's possible that DH sees this as a last fling of his childhood before he becomes someone's dad. Never felt that myself, but was conscious that I had to be be more serious once we had kids.
My personal view is that fatherhood done properly is tough. I can't do the bits with blood or milk, but it is a matter of self respect to help everything else. Thus it's tough, and if it's not tough, then you're not doing it right.

Liittlmonkeysmum talks of what my DW calls "pottering time". Precious time when you aren't personally responsible for stopping your baby from dying. You need time that's not allocated to feeding, cleaning, changing, shopping or worrying that you haven't done something. Long terms stress like this makes you a less good mother, and occasionally causes real lasting harm.

As part of DH's growing up, you need to set up some loose framework where you get some time off. Humans did not evolve the ability to raise kids by themselves, we're not horses.
That means fewer nights out with the boys.
Personally I found that I simply wasn't physically capable of much partying because of sleep deprivation.

ntsmum · 19/12/2006 09:52

my dh is staying out all night tonight and on Thursday. Doesn't bother me! I can't sleep until he gets home, so I'd much rather not have to wait up until God knows when. I always work myself up and am convinced he's been murdered by the time he rolls in!

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