How to discipline and salvage some kind of relationship with DD.

[Givemestrength100]

DD 14 has been quite challenging for about 18 months. I am a single parent and find myself crying (pathetic I know and no not infront of her) due to her behaviour. She is so rude and abrupt 24/7 , she is constantly ready to jump down my throat and it doesn't take much. She is on her phone pretty much 24/7 comes down to eat then vanishes again. I just feel she has completely disconnected with me she doesn't even look at me and never asks how I am or engages in conversation with me. She is also very difficult at school and sees camhs regularly. She is just so selfish and rude I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her and there is a major atmosphere between us, I try and chat but either get no reply or an angry one word. I just attempted to have a rational conversation with her about the amount of time she spends on her phone and got back "you know nothing about nothing shut up will you" so I respond that if she can't speak to me with respect she can hand her phone over (contract I pay for) she just said "I'm not handing it over if you take it I'll run away" then stormed off on the phone seeking more negative attention telling everyone how awful I am. I have tried to pick my battles etc but she is in battle mode 24/7 so simply asking how she is resorts in "you always ask me that for gods sake".
Not sure where the hell I went wrong but something needs to change.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Sorry sclong but I can't agree. Growing up has always presented issues, but If it's true that this is the worst time to be doing it in, isn't that even more reason to offer young people proper boundaries and guidance, so they have a framework to help them through it?

Today's traditional/more liberal parents aren't living in parallel universes, though it can sometimes look that way ... but IME it's the parents who offer real structure who tend to raise more balanced sons and daughters, and sometimes (though this obviously doesn't apply to everyone) those who insist that really poor behaviour is "just what teenagers do" can simply be looking for an excuse for poor parenting

[Dibaba]

Schlong I don't agree with you either. Most of the teenagers I see have a very easy life! Most of the so called peer pressure and bullying is solved very easily by switching off their phones!

[pallasathena]

Dear Schlong,

may I point out that I was being ironic. May I also point out that part of the problem is people getting so bloody offended over a point of view, observation or even....an idea, that doesn't conform, that's a bit 'different'.
In addition, have you ever heard of Ad Hominem? Its where someone attacks the individual instead of the argument. By asserting that I'm a reactionary for expressing a point of view you disagree with you have committed an ad hominem - but I forgive you!

[schlong]

I forgive you too. Not getting the irony though.

Not reading full thread syndrome strikes again dibaba and puzzled. In my first post way upthread I advised op to get rid of her dd's phone and I'm very much pro firm boundaries Youngsters' (and our) pathological attachment to their phones is both a cause and symptom of their malaise imo.

My last post was just a riposte to pallasthena's "when I were a lad" everything was better one. But s/he has since admitted it was ironic. Right.

[AnnP1963]

I think she sounds sad. I really do having all these friends on her phone is no substitute for real friends. Try to encourange her to go out more and not sit on her phone looking at other peoples lives. Maybe talk to her form tutor discreatly and ask if there are any problems at school. In my experience girls are stroppy from the ages of about 14 to 22 then things tend to even out. Luckily mine went to uni and the break was good for everyone. I do wish you luck i'm sure that you will be ok in the end.
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