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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First Date - Terrified!

127 replies

thehillshaveyes · 01/01/2016 18:27

I've arranged to go on a date with a man I've been chatting to on Tinder for a few weeks. He seems nice and looks good on photos apart from the fact that he covers his mouth on most of them so I'm wondering what that's about. I'll never know unless I meet him!

It's my first date since my ex and I broke up a year ago and I'm so, so nervous! We're going for a couple of drinks which should break the ice a little. Does anyone have any first date tips?

OP posts:

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 10/01/2016 12:22

Apparently he's done enough hours flying to be able to fly a plane without a co-pilot. His friend has a small plane that he borrows to fly down to London (I'm in Yorkshire). The other issue is that I don't really fancy him. He's attractive but not really my type. Should I give him another chance?

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sije · 10/01/2016 12:35

You're obviously not a nervous flyer OP. Getting into a small plane with a relatively new pilot sounds terrifying.

ScarletBegonias · 10/01/2016 12:37

Up to you, really. Personally, even if I fancied the pants off him, I'd be nervous about someone who wasn't very experienced flying me around in a borrowed private plane with no co-pilot. (Actually, I think I'd be nervous about ever being flown anywhere without a co-pilot - but flying makes me nervous at the best of times.)

Apart from that, I'm inclined to agree with the idea that you don't have to reject the flying idea altogether but could suggest you do that when you know each other better (assuming you do want to see him again.)

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 10/01/2016 12:50

I don't even know whether I want to see him again to be honest. There's nothing wrong with him, I just don't feel attracted to him and I'm not sure whether we're a good match. I certainly won't be flying with him on Friday. I have a 15 month old dd, I can't go risking my life on a plane with someone I've just met. I think I might have to let him down gently!

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Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 10/01/2016 12:53

OP posts:

Kez100 · 10/01/2016 13:00

The rules are pretty stringent on flying so that wouldn't bother me at all. We have two pilots in the family - one now a Captain with Emirates and the other stayed as purely recreational and as we've grown up, so the one with more flying hours, has been able to do more.

I went up with both when we were all much younger in small Cessnas and it was an amazing experience but then I don't mind flying and I trusted both as I had known them all my life.

Not sure I'd want to be married to a pilot though - so much trust involved as they get plenty of female attention once in their uniform.

Kez100 · 10/01/2016 13:04

I ought to add, neither had any reason to want to "show off" to me - I suppose in this case there may be that edge which makes it more of a risk.

I did comment once "right, tell me more about this mile high club" but it was a joke!

Although you would hope that sort of person wouldn't be flying, if they have taken the lessons privately rather than being in the industry then I am guessing there are no restrictions beyond affording it.

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 10/01/2016 20:05

I thought I'd jump at the chance of dating a pilot but I'm just not keen. He keeps texting me and I just can't be bothered to reply because I'm not interested. I know that sounds awful! How do I tell him I'm not interested? I nervously said yes to a second date last night when we said bye but I don't think I want to. He kept going on about some woman who is cabin crew on the plane he trains on and I could see that he clearly liked her but she's with someone and tells him all about her relationship troubles. As you say Kez, I'm sure he would get lots of attention bein a man in uniform and I don't think I can be bothered with worrying about it every time he jets off somewhere!

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Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 10/01/2016 20:07

Sorry if those sentences are all jumbled up with typos etc. It's been a long day!

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RedMapleLeaf · 10/01/2016 21:48

I don't even know whether I want to see him again to be honest. There's nothing wrong with him, I just don't feel attracted to him and I'm not sure whether we're a good match.

I wouldn't discount him straight off. You might get a good friendship from this, or a couple of nice meals out, or perhaps just practice. Dating is as much about finding out what you don't want as much as what you do.

Trills · 10/01/2016 22:17

Just tell him that you don't think you're a good fit. Or that you didn't feel a spark. Or anything really.

You don't HAVE to date him just because the idea of dating a pilot is nice.

If you were unsure then I'd agree with RedMaple, but you sound pretty sure that you don't fancy him.

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 12/01/2016 17:52

Oh my good god. The pilot keeps texting me and I haven't been replying because I've just found out I'm losing my house. He's very keen and to be honest he's been doing my head in. Just had a walk round to the shop with dd and on my way back I saw a car parked outside my house with the engine still running. I recognised it but couldn't figure out where I'd seen it and then as I got closer realise it was the pilot what the?? He's stalking me and I'm so freaked out!

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YouBastardSockBalls · 12/01/2016 18:08

Shit!
How does he know where you live? Did you tell him?

RedMapleLeaf · 12/01/2016 18:08

what did you do?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 12/01/2016 18:23

He drove me home after our date and I told him to drop me off 2 doors down from my house just in case he turned out to be a weirdo but he must have seen me after all. He shot off as soon as he realised it was me.

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RedMapleLeaf · 12/01/2016 18:28

Have you otherwise heard from him?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 12/01/2016 18:38

He sent me 3 text messages this morning and I've just sent him one asking whether he was outside my house. He said he was worried about me because I hadn't replied so wanted to check that I was safe he's acting like we're in a relationship!

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RedMapleLeaf · 12/01/2016 18:41

I'd send a very firm and clear reply about what you want to happen next.

Karatedoormat · 12/01/2016 18:52

Also - are you absolutely sure he's a pilot? Sounds very needy and not very busy. I don't know, just a bit fishy.

Kez100 · 12/01/2016 18:55

Yeah he sounds odd. Don't forget you can get "trainee pilots" that are simply having private lessons as one of our family did.

Karatedoormat · 12/01/2016 18:58

Oh I wonder whether there's a register like you can check for legitimate registration? Like you can with physios etc.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/01/2016 19:03

Bloody hell!

YouBastardSockBalls · 12/01/2016 19:11

Hmm yes I think you just need to cut contact with this one. Send him a 'I don't think we're suited, good luck in life' type thing then block imo.

YouBastardSockBalls · 12/01/2016 19:12

He's probably just a kindly soul who hasn't got much else on, doesn't mean it's sinister, but not what you need really is it?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 12/01/2016 20:17

Definitely not what I need. He showed me enough photos the other night (yawn) to prove that he is actually a pilot but as Shania Twain said 'that don't impress me much' - sorry I think lack of sleep has gone to my head

I'm relieved that I have to move so he has no way of knowing where I am. I've sent him a nice message basically saying I'm not interested in taking it further as I have a lot going on - all true! I'm going to step away from the dating scene for a little bit I think.

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