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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First Date - Terrified!

127 replies

thehillshaveyes · 01/01/2016 18:27

I've arranged to go on a date with a man I've been chatting to on Tinder for a few weeks. He seems nice and looks good on photos apart from the fact that he covers his mouth on most of them so I'm wondering what that's about. I'll never know unless I meet him!

It's my first date since my ex and I broke up a year ago and I'm so, so nervous! We're going for a couple of drinks which should break the ice a little. Does anyone have any first date tips?

OP posts:

TooSassy · 05/01/2016 22:05

Knee high boots with a heel! You go OP! Sounds fab! Come back and let us know how you get on xx

RedMapleLeaf · 06/01/2016 07:45

I have a neighbour who has yellow teeth with a kind of brown crumbly stuff. I've not seen it before and I'm not really sure what it is.

I think so long as it's not that you'll be ok.

DrMorbius · 06/01/2016 07:49

Thanks for that Red, I have just yak'ed up my weetabix

RedMapleLeaf · 07/01/2016 17:38

Sorry Dr

How are you feeling OP? I'm unreasonably excited about my date on Friday and wishing my life away.

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 08/01/2016 09:17

I'm feeling more excited than nervous now it might be a different story tomorrow though!

Where are you going for your date today/tonight Red?

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 08/01/2016 10:27

For a meal. He seems to be taking responsibility for all of the details, which is a little strange for me as I'm a bit of an Organiser control freak.

Either that or he's arranged nothing and we'll end up at a Burger King.

I am getting excited too and trying to keep my head occupied with work.

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 08/01/2016 21:38

Oo let me know how it goes/has gone

My date hasn't been in touch all day which is the first time in a month! I'm wondering whether he has cold feet. I sent him a text earlier but no reply.

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 01:48

(Well, my evening went well )

Stay strong OP and stay positive. Don't be tempted to over-think until you have evidence that you need to think the worse. Any further developments?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 09/01/2016 08:15

Well he finally replied but he was being very distant to how he usually is on messages. I asked him what the plan was for tonight and he said he wouldn't be able to meet me until 9ish after he puts his daughter to bed and would have to borrow his flatmate's car. We'd planned to have a few drinks so I had no idea he was planning on driving! I don't know what to think. He lives an hour away from me and because I'm only free on the weekend when dd is with her dad, it would be really difficult as he has his dd Thursday until Sunday. I don't know whether to just not bother?

Glad your date went well! will there be a third?

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 08:46

What have you got to lose? I'd say, go out with no more expectations than getting dressed up, getting out of the house and having a couple of friendly drinks.

I think if you can get it in to your head how nervous he might be, it can make you feel calmer and more confident.

(Dates three and four provisionally in the diary - we're hopefully going to meet up for one evening next week and then do something next weekend).

caker · 09/01/2016 09:04

Have you talked on the phone? It's so hard to get a sense of things in texts. It doesn't sound like an ideal arrangement if you might not be able to see each other often but maybe you could see it as a practice run for the next person so you aren't so nervous meeting them?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 09/01/2016 09:37

Yeah I suppose I don't have anything to lose. I just get the feeling he's not very interested anymore for some reason and the fact that he can't make it out until 9 is a bit of an issue because the last train home is at 11.30. I'm just wondering how it would work in the long term if things did work out.

We haven't talked on the phone yet, just texts. I don't know what to do!

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 09:56

Are your meeting arrangements firmed up?

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 09:58

Also, don't be worrying about the logistics of a future relationship.

I read something really helpful on here, about only planning ahead as long as the length of your relationship so far. ignores fact that she's been planning romantic weekends away

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 09/01/2016 10:35

Well he's just sent me a text saying that we might have to reschedule because he's having issues with his car. Do you think he's making excuses?

OP posts:

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 10:50

I wouldn't try to second guess; take him at face value. I'd answer something like, "No worries, let's decide to postpone now so you don't need to worry about getting it fixed in time". Aim for breezy.

And then hold your nerve.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 09/01/2016 11:10

oh how disappointing! I'd be breezy too, just reply 'oh that's a shame, let me know when you're next free' and don't get back into loads of messages without some concrete plan to meet up.

It might be that the nerves have got the better of him and he's making excuses, it may be true about his car or it might be that he is one of those married arseholes who enjoys the thrill of the chase but has no intention of meeting up with anyone and will just keep messaging you for an ego boost but will never be available.

Accept the postponement with good grace, move on message other people and if this guy gets his act together then give him another chance. Otherwise, nothing lost.

RedMapleLeaf · 09/01/2016 11:18

just reply 'oh that's a shame, let me know when you're next free' and don't get back into loads of messages without some concrete plan to meet up.

Yeah, this is better.

Accept the postponement with good grace, move on message other people and if this guy gets his act together then give him another chance. Otherwise, nothing lost.

This.

TooSassy · 09/01/2016 11:21

OP. Red and narkruffalo are on the money.

Accept with good grace and breezy.
If you want to be a little more direct then feel free to add 'I'll leave the ball in your court to get some other dates that work for you across to me'.
Then step away and don't message until he does.

TooSassy · 09/01/2016 11:23

And OP it is possible that RL issues are getting in the way of the date. It is also possible he is messing you around. You have no way of knowing at this stage until you wait it out a little.

Can you do something else fun this evening? Cinema? Pamper yourself?

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 09/01/2016 11:41

I've replied saying let me know if you want to arrange it for another time and just left it at that. I'm not sure whether he's being genuine or not but I hope he is.

On the other hand.. a guy that I've literally just started messaging has asked whether I want to do something tonight as we're both free. He lives a couple of miles away and he's a trainee pilot. What do you think?!

OP posts:

Trills · 09/01/2016 11:42

He doesn't sound like he has put much thought or effort into this, does he?

That's a shame.

Trills · 09/01/2016 11:43

Go meet the pilot!

Original poster

thehillshaveyes · 09/01/2016 11:43

I don't know why I mentioned that he's a trainee pilot but this excites me a little because I'm obsessed with planes

OP posts:

YouBastardSockBalls · 09/01/2016 11:45

Yes I think he's making up excuses.
But don't take it personally, move on - and go out with the pilot tonight!

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