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Original poster

OLD Mr frigid has got the hump with me

125 replies

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:04

Had 8, yes 8 dates with a chap, who after all that time, couldn't bring himself to even hold my hand let alone put an arm around me - or horror of horrors - actually kiss me. After I delicately kissed him on the cheek, he turned to me & said 'I'm not ready for this'. So I quite rightly called it a day & said 'this isn't working out for me but (being polite) you're a lovely chap & I'd like to stay friends'. I got this response:

"Amazing how fine a line it is when a woman is seriously keen on a guy one minute , and then shelves him the next- when she doesn't get what she wants".

I feel sorry for him. But really, to not even be able to hold hands after 8 dates? I felt more like a sister/mother than a girlfriend. Tell me I'm normal.

OP posts:
IrishDad79 · 28/12/2015 14:17

This story is weird on so many different levels.

Just on the atm incident op, I presume you asked him "eh, why don't you get your own money out?" and if so, what did he say? That incident seems bizarre.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 28/12/2015 21:20

Anyone of either sex who goes on dates but doesn't want physical affection is odd and should stick to a hobby class in my opinion

Gwenhwyfar · 28/12/2015 21:57

"you dont date if you dont want to HOLD HANDS fgs"

So people who want to take it slowly aren't allowed to date?

Gwenhwyfar · 28/12/2015 21:59

"And if he had an answer that was OK for me, fine. But I'd definitely be asking."

But she didn't talk to him about it, she just dumped him and insulted him here.

CalleighDoodle · 28/12/2015 22:07

His response was vile. You were right to end it.

WaitingForMe · 28/12/2015 22:15

Not wanting to hold hands after eight weeks is not wanting to take things slowly!

If you don't want to touch/be touched then that is of course perfectly acceptable but look for an asexual dating site or at least be clear in your online profile. People need to take responsibility for themselves.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 29/12/2015 06:58

Given the other things you have said about him - drinking, smokin, dope and the cashpoint, yes, I think you were a fool.

Why did you continue seeing him? If so many things about him were so incompatible with you, why did you persist?

Then again, i have known women who go out with unsuitable men just so that they can slag them off and mock them afterwards and be reassured that they are worth so much better.

It doesn't sound like he was much of a catch, or at least not what you are looking for, so more fool you for wasting "month after month" with him.

RedMapleLeaf · 29/12/2015 07:21

There were things about him that you weren't sure about. I'd presume there were things about you he wasn't sure about, hence not wanting to take the next step towards intimacy. I think that this is perfectly sensible and he just wasn't willing to ignore the signs of incompatibility like you were.

I don't blame you for wanting a bit of hand-holding and kissing by date 8, but I think you're very much out of order for calling him frigid.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/12/2015 07:31

I don't consider Zero physical contact after 8 dates to be taking it slow, that's either a sign that you don't fancy the person at all (so why date them?) or that you have major issues with physical intimacy (so why date?)
If I'm not getting a snog by the third date I'm going to give up to be honest, I need to know I'm compatible sexually before investing more time in a person and a snog is the first step. I can't understand why you let it go on so long op?

OnADarkDesertHighway · 29/12/2015 13:05

FFS the OP is very normal in thinking hand holding may have occured before date 8!!!

Some people need to get a grip. OP was probably thinking what the hell was wrong to get a reaction like that after suggesting hand holding and wanted reassurance and a vent.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2015 00:31

"I don't consider Zero physical contact after 8 dates to be taking it slow"

Well, guess what. Some people need weeks or months to become intimate (and they may see hand holding as leading up to going further).

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 31/12/2015 04:47

Well they should be bloody well upfront about that when they start dating then so as not to waste people's time.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 31/12/2015 05:05

Agree, he should be upfront about not wanting what most people consider an essential component of an adult relationship. Surely without any physical contact it is a friendship?

Learn from this OP, as a PP said - don't ignore signs of incompatibility, find someone appropriate for you.

(The word frigid is unpleasant as it has connotations of force or deserving intimacy on one person's wishes, but it is also obvious that the OP is incredibly frustrated and disappointed right now)

CumbriaMum91 · 31/12/2015 11:35

The problem is mainly with his bullshit response to her very fair rejection surely? His ego obviously took a knock and he felt he had to put all the blame on you as if it was your problem. Anyone else could have replied "Yes we obviously aren't suited, I wish you happiness" or along those lines.

As for calling him Mr Frigid... It's MN fgs lol, I call people worse as a nickname. You're allowed to be judgey/jokey when in private Hmm

Glad you saw sense and ended it OP, best of luck with finding someone compatible Grin

Trills · 31/12/2015 11:54

I don't think he wants to DATE anyone.

What's all this about a cash machine?

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2015 11:57

"(The word frigid is unpleasant as it has connotations of force or deserving intimacy on one person's wishes, but it is also obvious that the OP is incredibly frustrated and disappointed right now)"

I just don't think a frustrated man using the word would be as acceptable on MN.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 31/12/2015 12:09

Any other relevant info you're going to drop in at a later date?

FWIW, I didn't do anything intimate with DH for 6 months. I'm not frigid.

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 31/12/2015 12:24

6 months! Confused

You have mis-matched libidos the dope and alcohol have killed his off altogether

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 31/12/2015 12:25

Why confused? 6 months. Half a year. My choice. And a valid one.

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 31/12/2015 12:29

It seems an awfully long time. Of course it's your choice tho.

When I met my DH, the attraction and spark was so strong, that to wait 6 months would not have been an option. DTD on date 3. My best friend and er DH dived in on date 1. Still together 15 years later.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 31/12/2015 13:28

We've been together 17 very happy years.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that waiting means no attraction or spark though. It's just a different way of doing things. Smile

Goingtobeawesome · 31/12/2015 13:35

Nothing wrong with wanting to date but not being ready for sex. It is unusual to not to have kissed by date eight but it doesn't make him frigid or wrong or weird. It's how he feels. He obviously liked the OP but wasn't ready to shag her yet.

pocketsaviour · 31/12/2015 13:55

Rax, you didn't even hold hands for 6 months? I'm genuinely curious, if you wouldn't mind saying more, why you wanted to wait so long, and was it a joint decision?

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2015 13:56

I'm glad to hear Rax and Goingtobe awesome say it's OK to wait. I was going to throw myself in the bin Xmas Sad

Goingtobeawesome · 31/12/2015 14:14

Made me remember I went out with my first love for six weeks at least before I kissed him. Given we were both 15 he was totally lovely to wait. Some of you would pass out if you knew how long it was before I slept with him.

People are different. Doesn't make them weird if not the same as you!