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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OLD Mr frigid has got the hump with me

125 replies

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:04

Had 8, yes 8 dates with a chap, who after all that time, couldn't bring himself to even hold my hand let alone put an arm around me - or horror of horrors - actually kiss me. After I delicately kissed him on the cheek, he turned to me & said 'I'm not ready for this'. So I quite rightly called it a day & said 'this isn't working out for me but (being polite) you're a lovely chap & I'd like to stay friends'. I got this response:

"Amazing how fine a line it is when a woman is seriously keen on a guy one minute , and then shelves him the next- when she doesn't get what she wants".

I feel sorry for him. But really, to not even be able to hold hands after 8 dates? I felt more like a sister/mother than a girlfriend. Tell me I'm normal.

OP posts:

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 27/12/2015 21:25

I imagine he has his reasons. Maybe he doesn't like getting physical with all women he dates? Maybe he has issues relating to previous relationships? Maybe he just wants to go slowly?

Helmetbymidnight · 27/12/2015 21:26

8 dates?!! Were you hoping to get the money back?

Fugghetaboutit · 27/12/2015 21:27

You've posted about him before yes? The marching to cash point rings a bell

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 27/12/2015 21:27

Yes, that's not true TripTrap

If a woman posted here saying that a man had decided not to continue dating her because after eight dates she was not interested in any physical contact, I would say that he was perfectly entitled to make that decision.

If you are a grown adult and online looking for an intimate relationship, then people are going to expect some kind of intimacy sooner or later.

BrendaandEddie · 27/12/2015 21:27

SLOWLY?!!!! not touching at all after EIGHT evenings together?

Original poster

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:29

Yes he's entitled to behave how he pleases but have you ever heard of someone dating like this with no affection/intimacy - not even hand-holding month after month?

OP posts:

Helmetbymidnight · 27/12/2015 21:29

Were you seriously keen on him?!!!

SoleSource · 27/12/2015 21:32

No I have not and I would feel he didn't fancy me.

Original poster

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:33

I could see he had a nice heart under it all, I wasn't wild about the drinking/smoking but was willing to see where it went. Unfortunately, it went nowhere. He'd made it clear this was how he wanted it to continue but I couldn't, it hurt too much.

OP posts:

LikeADivil · 27/12/2015 21:35

You don't know what you've missed out on! nothing

SoleSource · 27/12/2015 21:36

You want different things. Onto the next guy if you can.

lorelei9 · 27/12/2015 21:36

jane, I'm confused.

he wanted you to pay for everything all the time? Or he wanted to look as if he was paying for the date?

OryxNotCrake · 27/12/2015 21:37

Please don't call him frigid.

He is perfectly entitled to go at his own pace. And the OP is perfectly entitled to decide that he's not for her. The nasty text he sent afterwards is confirmation enough that ending it was the right decision.

LovelyFriend · 27/12/2015 21:40

I would have ended it at the sadly pathetic and questionable ATM incident.

Sounds like he is lonely and wants a drinking buddy he can play being "the man" around.

BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 21:41

So he was a drinker which you dint like and a smoker which you didn't like and forced you to pay for things which you didn't like but was not interested in you physically which upset you?
Hahahahaha. And you kept going for EIGHT DATES in the hope it would happen anyway?

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 27/12/2015 21:43

Fuck that junglejane. The whole entire point of having someone that is more than a friend, is that they are er... more than a friend.

Original poster

junglejane111 · 27/12/2015 21:48

For the record, no money was withdrawn from the cashpoint, I'm not a complete mug.

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 27/12/2015 22:01

But what actually happened re the ATM?!

Ackvavit · 27/12/2015 22:02

Junglejane, please totally ignore the people putting you down. After 8 dates you are totally normal to be thinking about a shift in how you are with each other. I do think some MN people like to make it unacceptable to think what you said is odd. You should either be unable to keep your hands off yourself or just happily stepping into some kind of intamacy, on your own terms. Just do what feels right for you

Cabrinha · 27/12/2015 22:04

I think whether it was a man or woman posting surely most people would say that:
(a) everyone has the right to go at their own pace but
(b) not holding hands after 8 dates is pretty unusual

If I really liked someone, that would be enough for me to say on the 9th date "look, it seems unusual to me not to want any physical affection after this time - how do you feel about things?". And if he had an answer that was OK for me, fine. But I'd definitely be asking.

LilaTheTiger · 27/12/2015 22:13

He sounds awful anyway. Did you really want to kiss him?

What exactly happened at the cashpoint?

PattyPenguin · 27/12/2015 22:29

Jane, he wanted you to get cash out so he could pay for your evening out?

That is way more worrying to me than the lack of physical contact.

A bloke asking me out and discussing who is to pay for what, politely and sensitively, I would be OK with. After a few dates, a text / phone call before an arranged date explaining about lack of funds and giving me the chance to offer to pay, or to postpone the whole thing, likewise.

Taking me to a cashpoint so that he could use my money so that he could be seen paying for the evening's entertainment, WTAF? It's akin to highway robbery. He wouldn't have got a penny out of me, instead he'd had got an earful and his marching orders.

He's not frigid, he's a menace.

lazymoz · 27/12/2015 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna · 28/12/2015 00:44

he smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish & dabbled in dope
.....we won't mention the time I was frog-marched to a cashpoint

...and yet you went on more dates with this guy? OP are YOU high?

ScoutandAtticus · 28/12/2015 07:19

Sounds like you had a lucky escape.

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