I just slapped DH

[harveybristol]

I'm so ashamed.
A long tiring day and the inlaws visit this evening. MIL is true to form, rude, doesnt even look at the lovely gifts we bought her. Without going in to too much detail, the family are very close and I began to feel my usual inferiority around them all. Left out, disregarded, not listened to.

I decided to go out for a breath of fresh air feeling downhearted, came home to see they had left, DH asked what my problem was. I told him honestly, he tells me it's all in my head as usual and then I suddenly slapped him and walked off.

I've shocked him and myself, I've never done anything like this before. I'm massively frustrated at DH not being able to just accept and acknowledge my feelings, have been for a while but never expected I'd do anything like this. What shall I do?

DH hasn't said a word and has gone to the spare room for the night. I feel like I've ruined Christmas. I was looking forward to a lovely relaxing evening with DH once they left. I'm lying here in tears :(

Also interesting that if someone else had said 'it's great that she's remorseful' there would have been a chorus of 'that doesn't matter, lots of abusers are remorseful'. Why are you allowed to say it, then?

erm…I don't know, I just said it. I'm not sure anyone 'allowed' me. Anyone who might like to challenge it probably isn't up and reading MN yet, that's all.

Of course i know everyone has valid emotions, I don't despise her, I haven't made a massive deal about the slap thing, or approached it with a one size fits all response AT ALL, I haven't urged her to pack her bags and hand herself over to the police before she accidentally puts an axe through his head. I don't think I've been remotely hysterical about anything, actually.

Interesting to note that now have privileged access to the DH's mind and that he seems to be such a suffering saint while she is utterly unbearable.

Well I wouldn't go that far, (who is extrapolating wildly now? ) but piecing together an overall picture from her other threads I stand by my perception of things as I can see them from here. I think she sounds very emotionally high maintenance, yes.

I am certainly not projecting any angst over abuse from my own past thanks, Gawd knows what gave you that idea - do you have privileged access to my mind now? Although obviously not, because that is imagined nonsense.

There was a thread on here a few days ago where a man physically grabbed a 5 year old and verbally assaulted her mother. The op (the mother) was told that the man was at the end of his tether, she should have stayed at home etc. It was awful. I can see why when women commit a similar act of violence to a man they are much more likely to be prosecuted. The world tolerates and conspires with male violence, hides it, makes excuses for it. If a woman lashes out she is indeed branded a witch.

You're not piecing it together. You have no idea about the accuracy of her perceptions regarding her in-laws and no idea if her DH is genuinely stonewalling her or is 'worn down' (it sounds like you have actually witnessed this happening, you seem so sure). It's clear that you would like the DP to be guilty of nothing but you have no way of knowing. Personally, I think your reading of her words are presumptuous to the point of arrogance and clearly biased against her. But then I have nothing to gain from reading anything into what she's saying; I can see that she might well have a persecution complex but equally, her DH might well be very dismissive of attitudes that are genuinely unfair to her. You haven't got a clue either, to be frank, except a 'rule of thumb' that if you have a problem with more than one person then it's probably you. There are so many victims who could fall through the net if everyone used a rule like this!

If you are going to condemn in the way that you have done, not just the unacceptable behaviour but also her perception and her whole approach to life, you need a truck-load of evidence and you simply haven't got it. You also haven't said anything positive, which shows up your bias and lack of respect very clearly, as there is always something positive that can be said. Later posts have shown that there were plenty of positive things you could have said and in fact, you were not even talking to someone that you thought would physically abuse again - so you didn't think her DP was likely to be in physical danger in the future at all!.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, if only because you cannot expect anyone to learn how to respect others if they don't experience it.

Be a bitch if you want but don't pretend you're doing it to save some imaginary saint of a husband from vile abuse.

I can only conclude that you and others behave in this heartless fashion because of your own personal issues in relation to abuse

Conclude what you like. It doesn't make you any more right than any other posters unless you actually know the OP

LumpySpacedPrincess

she was also told that it wasn't right, that there was no excuse for his behaviour, that she should go to the police, to gut contact and other things.

It wasn't all poor man.