Reunited with my ex- fiance but he can't accept I have a child

[NicolaLesley123]

Hi all

I am 41 years of age and have recently met up with my ex-fiancé for a drink and a catch up and now I am feeling in despair as he has told me that he doesn't know whether we can try again as I have a child (to another man).

I met him when I was 26 and he was 25. At that time he had a good day-job but also worked the doors. I fell in love with him the moment I met him and I think he felt much the same way as on our first date he proposed. Even though it was a jokey proposal and we were both a bit drunk he told me that he was going to marry me.

Given his commitment to his night time job I felt I spent the first year of our relationship having snatched time with him where I was competing with him working the door and spending time with his friends who worked with him. He was using cocaine at the time quite a lot at the weekends and I wondered where this would lead. I seemed to spend my life nagging him and telling him I wanted him to come off the door, stop using drugs etc etc.

After a couple of years together, and him coming off the door (but not the weekend cocaine) he moved in with me and he proposed (properly this time!!). We started planning a wedding and we were a few months from getting married when I ended the relationship. The trigger was me getting home from work and seeing that he had already used cocaine. I said I had had enough of listening to my own voice nagging and that I needed a break. I moved out for a couple of weeks during which time I decided that I couldn't marry a person who had a coke habit. I really wanted kids but just had a nagging doubt that he wasn't the right person due to his lifestyle.

To cut a long story short we split up; he met me to talk about it and I remember he was crying and upset but I felt nothing. I think I was just so angry and fed up that I had turned myself cold towards him.

I met someone else really quickly and within a year I was pregnant. We split up when my son was still a young baby.

Following that I had long periods of being single combined with "dates". I had a few short-term relationships which amounted to nothing as I didn't feel the love as I had with my ex-fiance. I was with someone for a couple of years however I can truly say I don't know why as I didn't love him and think I was just lonely and fed up of meeting men who were callous.

My ex-fiancé got in touch with me through Facebook on a couple of occasions over the years. We chatted a bit and then it faded out. To be honest we had a bit of a Facebook fallout as I had put a comment on my status about me having used up my quota of decent men when I was in my twenties and he responded to it with a comment which made me feel he was enjoying my upset. I responded to his comment saying that being single was better than settling for second best.

Anyway, we have recently been talking again and we met up on Saturday afternoon. I insisted before we met that I didn't want anything aside from friendship however when I was with him I wanted to be with him again. He has stopped the cocaine (and did so years ago) and has concentrated on his day-job and as a result has started his own business. He is doing really well and I saw the man I fell in love with. I felt like crying at different points throughout our "date" as I was sad we had thrown it all away those years ago.

The date didn't end too well as he said he only had an hour left as he had arranged to meet friends and I took that as rejection and stormed out. Very childish I know but I have had rejection in one form or another over the years and felt really vulnerable. We have since sorted that issue out - he told me he made plans as I had insisted that we should be friends and nothing more.

We have spoken since by text and over the phone. However he has said that we need to be cautious as I left him broken hearted last time and he doesn't want to go through it again. He also told me he was very annoyed that I had had someone else's child. He doesn't know how he feels about that (he has had girlfriends over the years but never got married or had a child). He also said he had never been out with anyone who has kids.

I have explained that I made a mistake with the choice of my son's father but could never regret having my son as he's my life. To be fair to my ex though I am not sure I could accept him having a child with someone else. In this instance though, if he had have had a child it would have put us on a level playing field and he would be more accepting of my position.

I have suggested the odd day to see him again so we can talk things through; he said he wants to meet me again but hasn't been agreeable to the dates I've suggested, saying he has plans already, busy with work etc etc. I feel lonely and desperate to get him back. I think I probably feel even worse as it's Christmas and I don't have a close relationship with my family so I am contemplating on being alone for much of the break.

How to I persuade my ex to accept my situation and try again with me or is there too much history between us which means it will never work? I would really love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Thanks and sorry for going on.

Nik xx

[TeaFathers]

well done. and now consign him to the bin of absolute fuckers who must be forgotten about for all of time.