I had an affair...

[Outofmydepth15]

My head is a mess.
I have a boyfriend and he has a gf and a young 8 moth old child.
Both in our 30s.
We used to date when we were kids but for that reason it never progressed into anything.
We've always been friends but there was a attraction between us.
Over the two year we started texting each other a lot and you could say we began a emotional affair but both wanted more.
He has fallen out of love with gf.
I don't know details and I never asked.
We cut off contact because we both knew we were getting in to deep.
That lasted two months then he text me and we started talking again.
We kept telling ourselves it's only friendship we are doing nothing wrong.

I think this was because I thought if I tell myself we are only friends I won't be the shitty person I am being.
We slept together and pretty much told each other the score.
I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend and he can't face not living with his child.
He went on to say that it's all just so complicated and can't stand this guilt he feels and neither can I.

I understand and wouldn't expect Him too ever walk out on his child.
His child comes before anything I do know this.
I am in love with him and I know it's no excuse for what I've done.
I never started this on the hope to steal Him away from them.

He isn't a dick.He isn't a cheat.
I don't even know how we got to that point.
Anyway we have cut all contact because it couldn't continue like that.
His family are innocent and didn't deserve that.
I know I have no right to feel hurt but I am.
I do love Him but I won't ever contact him again now.
He lives 5 mins away from me and we have been friends for so many years it hurts like hell.

I'm so angry that we threw away a friendship.
I wish I never acted on how I feel.

I genuinely believe his feelings for me were real.
I feel sick at what I've done.

Gosh, he sounds a real catch!

And you want him to 'dump' his girlfriend and be with you? You know that when scumbags like this - because he is a scumbag - 'dump' their long-term partners, they are also 'dumping' their children, right?

You are a selfish, self-centered piece of work and I'm also sick of seeing your self-pitying bullshit on here again and again.

You are not going to find what you want here. Whatever it is you actually want, that is.

OP why are you posting when you are not listening to what anyone's saying?

You are stuck in Your own imaginary world where he is this poor victim of his own weakness and you just want to rescue him.

Either tell everyone and get it over with or keep it a secret and get over it.

I don't believe you will do either of these things though as they would run the risk of disproving your fantasy and letting the real world in.

Spot on Fancy

What do you want, honestly?

To be told to pursue him? He doesn't want you. He might not want her either but he wants her a bit more than he wants you because he's staying there. It doesn't matter if he's staying for the baby or the dog or the house, he's choosing to stay, so he's choosing not to be with you.

Or do you want to be told that an affair is okay? Only your boyfriend and his girlfriend could give that assurance, and unless you've previously discussed this, they are both likely to tell you to sod off.

In terms of what do you do - whatever reason he is staying for, he is staying, so he isn't an option. So you can stay with your boyfriend, or leave him.

If you want to remain part of this guys pity party, continue to talk to him. If you want to live a better life and give yourself a chance at happiness, cut him off. It's your choice.

He isn't, though. He's not an option. You have to accept that. This isn't Romeo and Juliet, whatever his reasoning is, he's choosing something over you.

Your second sentence is untrue
I have a boyfriend and he has a gf and a young 8 moth old child.
He's not your boyfriend and it seems obvious that he doesn't want you.

I feel sick at what I've done.
This is also not true as you are now complaining that he 'doesn't have the bottle' to tell his gf, so you're obviously just waiting for him to do so.

I feel sorry for the bf that you do have if he exists Just let him go. You're hurting him far more by playing out this charade

OP, I've lurked on this thread for a while and recognised you from your previous threads.

I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to share my thoughts, but for what they're worth, here they are:

1. you've had some harsh responses and down right insults thrown at you. I don't know you, I don't know the full facts of this situation (assuming it's true) so I won't be joining in the slanging match.

2. this forum has a number of women who've had their lives turned upside down by cheating partners and the OW. It's probably not the forum to be expecting any sympathy. Your posts could be interpreted as goady and could reasonably be expected to strike a nerve for other MNers. It's insensitive. I think you would be better off seeking support elsewhere, preferably in real life.

3. I was in a similar situation to you a good few years ago. So I can relate. It doesn't make me a cunt, or negate all the good things I've done since, as a pp stated about cheaters. But that's because I took the consequences of my actions and made sure I made better choices in future. I now look back on that time with embarrassment at my naivety. As will you.

4. you need to end all contact with this man. This is not the grand, life changing romance you think it is. Find something else to put your energy into. Get counselling, go on holiday, anything to take your mind off it.

5. How do you know that he's really only staying with the GF so as not to live away from his DC? I bet he told you he doesn't sleep with the GF either? You do know they all say that, don't you? Don't be second best. It's shit. And equally, don't let anyone else think they're second best either. If you don't want to be with your BF, let him go and be with someone who really loves him and will put him first.

6. I guarantee that in a few years time you will be kicking yourself, having wasted months/years chasing a man that doesn't really want you while hurting your BF and his partner in the process. It doesn't have to be like that. You can't undo what has been done but you can stop it from getting worse.

Never be with anyone that promotes you to be somebody you don't want to.

I'm guessing you don't want to have an affair, don't want to be a home wrecker, don't want to be a victim of abuse?

You need time by yourself as being with men is more important that you're own ability to live as a good person with self respect.

Joysmum, honestly don't waste your time posting on this. The OP has had VERY many threads on this subject...she just re-words it every time. It's a total borefest. At least she has been true to form and finally mentioned the mum and sister on this thread...she's been told over and over again, not sure what she is expecting from posting the same old shit different day