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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I had an affair...

108 replies

Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 14:31

My head is a mess.
I have a boyfriend and he has a gf and a young 8 moth old child.
Both in our 30s.
We used to date when we were kids but for that reason it never progressed into anything.
We've always been friends but there was a attraction between us.
Over the two year we started texting each other a lot and you could say we began a emotional affair but both wanted more.
He has fallen out of love with gf.
I don't know details and I never asked.
We cut off contact because we both knew we were getting in to deep.
That lasted two months then he text me and we started talking again.
We kept telling ourselves it's only friendship we are doing nothing wrong.

I think this was because I thought if I tell myself we are only friends I won't be the shitty person I am being.
We slept together and pretty much told each other the score.
I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend and he can't face not living with his child.
He went on to say that it's all just so complicated and can't stand this guilt he feels and neither can I.

I understand and wouldn't expect Him too ever walk out on his child.
His child comes before anything I do know this.
I am in love with him and I know it's no excuse for what I've done.
I never started this on the hope to steal Him away from them.

He isn't a dick.He isn't a cheat.
I don't even know how we got to that point.
Anyway we have cut all contact because it couldn't continue like that.
His family are innocent and didn't deserve that.
I know I have no right to feel hurt but I am.
I do love Him but I won't ever contact him again now.
He lives 5 mins away from me and we have been friends for so many years it hurts like hell.

I'm so angry that we threw away a friendship.
I wish I never acted on how I feel.

I genuinely believe his feelings for me were real.
I feel sick at what I've done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:29

Would love to know how it's delusional and selfish and a ignorant view when I've clearly stated hurting anybody wasn't ever the intention.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:30

No.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 19/12/2015 15:31

"He isn't a dick.He isn't a cheat."

I think you're wrong on both counts.

"I don't even know how we got to that point."

It's not difficult, really, it's because you chose it.

If you are genuinely trying to sort this out, find a counsellor in RL and work through it all properly. On-line self-flagellation isn't going to help, and may even make things worse if it becomes a substitute for actually dealing with it.

Kacie123 · 19/12/2015 15:32

This is weirdly familiar. And yes, what the others said above, especially "you need counselling".

MissAlabamaWhitman · 19/12/2015 15:32

People make mistakes.

You need to realise this is a huge one and learn from it. Stay away from him and keep your mouth shut.

Do not ruin his child's first Christmas.

Or your boyfriend's.

ShebaShimmyShake · 19/12/2015 15:33

Yep, same person. I'll give her this, I don't think she's lying. The age of the child increases accordingly each time she reposts the same crap.

rockabillyruby82 · 19/12/2015 15:34

he isn't a dick. He isn't a cheat That is deluded. Justifying what you've done is selfish and ignorant. You were completely thinking of yourself when you fucked him, not your bf, his gf or the child. Selfish, selfish, selfish!

LuluJakey1 · 19/12/2015 15:37

Isn't this about your 3rd or 4th thread on this OP?

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:39

So basically what most people think is if your unhappy you should just plod on being unhappy rather than do things that do make you happy.

OP posts:
P1nkP0ppy · 19/12/2015 15:40

Deja vu
Cheating cow. Full stop.

MissAlabamaWhitman · 19/12/2015 15:41

If your happiness necessitates hurting innocent people then yes, pretty much exactly that.

Kacie123 · 19/12/2015 15:43

Seriously, to people reading this - it might be worth stopping getting wound up and calling the OP selfish etc. etc - not because that's an incorrect interpretation (it may be), but because that's what this poster seems to like to hear for some reason.

It's very odd but some people seem to like the feeling of self-flagellation or winding others up. They seem to like being insulted. Truly bizarre and not worth getting angry over!

If this is all true and one ongoing mess, MN just can't help. If it isn't, it's not worth it anyway...

LuluJakey1 · 19/12/2015 15:44

Was this not the last one- where he suddenly became a nasty character but previously had been as you have described him in this current thread.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2519895-I-cant-have-sex?
There have certainly bern 3 or 4 previously each with a slightly different slant. Your current one is like the very first as I recall.

Learningtoletgo · 19/12/2015 15:46

So basically what most people think is if your unhappy you should just plod on being unhappy rather than do things that do make you happy

No. Most people think you shouldn't go round having sex with multiple people and put your partner at risk from STDs.

Learningtoletgo · 19/12/2015 15:48

Good point kacie

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:48

He has different sides to Him.
He can be the loveliest person ever then not even be the person I know.
He apologised for his behaviour and I know that wasn't the real him.
He was frustrated at his situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:48

He is getting counselling for his alcohol problem.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 19/12/2015 15:49

You really are incredibly attention seeking. You have been posting about this and twisting the story- looking for approbation and pity for months.

AuntieStella · 19/12/2015 15:49

"So basically what most people think is if your unhappy you should just plod on being unhappy rather than do things that do make you happy."

No. I don't think anyone is saying that. If you want to make changes in your life that you believe will make you happier, then make them.

You have however already found out the hard way that cheating has not made you happier.

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:49

Yes he may have made me feel like total shit.
That's not the real Him tho.

OP posts:
RancidOldHag · 19/12/2015 15:50

"He has different sides to Him"

And none of them are any of your business.

Supermanspants · 19/12/2015 15:50

Oh just do one OP.
You really are a delusional attention seeker. How many times have you been banned now?

Go and seek professional help and stop wasting people's time on here.

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:50

Do yourselves a favour then and don't give me any advice.
Simply don't click on the thread.
Why worry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:51

I haven't been banned?
This is the same account I've had from day one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 15:53

I haven't done anything wrong.
You just think if your a cheater your scum etc.
Which is ridiculous.

OP posts: