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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I had an affair...

108 replies

Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 14:31

My head is a mess.
I have a boyfriend and he has a gf and a young 8 moth old child.
Both in our 30s.
We used to date when we were kids but for that reason it never progressed into anything.
We've always been friends but there was a attraction between us.
Over the two year we started texting each other a lot and you could say we began a emotional affair but both wanted more.
He has fallen out of love with gf.
I don't know details and I never asked.
We cut off contact because we both knew we were getting in to deep.
That lasted two months then he text me and we started talking again.
We kept telling ourselves it's only friendship we are doing nothing wrong.

I think this was because I thought if I tell myself we are only friends I won't be the shitty person I am being.
We slept together and pretty much told each other the score.
I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend and he can't face not living with his child.
He went on to say that it's all just so complicated and can't stand this guilt he feels and neither can I.

I understand and wouldn't expect Him too ever walk out on his child.
His child comes before anything I do know this.
I am in love with him and I know it's no excuse for what I've done.
I never started this on the hope to steal Him away from them.

He isn't a dick.He isn't a cheat.
I don't even know how we got to that point.
Anyway we have cut all contact because it couldn't continue like that.
His family are innocent and didn't deserve that.
I know I have no right to feel hurt but I am.
I do love Him but I won't ever contact him again now.
He lives 5 mins away from me and we have been friends for so many years it hurts like hell.

I'm so angry that we threw away a friendship.
I wish I never acted on how I feel.

I genuinely believe his feelings for me were real.
I feel sick at what I've done.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 19/12/2015 15:54

We all have different sides to us, that's what makes up a whole person. But if one of those sides is a lying, cheating cunt then that over-rides anything decent they might do.

If you are unhappy you do what you need to change that and if that means separating then so be it, it doesn't mean shagging someone else and causing others pain.

Supermanspants · 19/12/2015 15:57

How can you say 'don't click on the thread' in response to someone who has already clicked on the thread FFS

Go and find something better to do with your time instead of posting bloody fairy stories and wasting people' time.

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 16:01

You keep coming back with your insults why are you wasting your energy?
Go and live in your little world where everyone who doesn't live their life by the book are scum and rubbish etc.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 19/12/2015 16:03

You haven't done anything wrong????

Seeyounearertime · 19/12/2015 16:05

Go and live in your little world where everyone who doesn't live their life by the book are scum and rubbish etc.

I'd say cheaters and the people they cheat with are scum.
I thinks its a fine definition tbh.

Right up there with benefit cheats and people who kick puppies.

LuluJakey1 · 19/12/2015 16:08

Look, a few weeks ago you were portraying him as an almost rapist. Now he has alcohol problems. Previously he has been your best friend's brother who wanted no further contact and the love of your life.

It is all fuss over a one night stand with what sounds like an absolute bastard of a man in every sense. It really is not the life-changing drama you would like it to be.

JE1234 · 19/12/2015 16:09

You really, really need to get some RL help and stop obsessing over this loser. He plays you and every time you come running back. You don't need advice, you are looking for people to ratify your delusions over this, which won't happen. You need to move on with your own life, he's not yours and he never was.

AuntieStella · 19/12/2015 16:12

"Go and live in your little world where everyone who doesn't live their life by the book are scum and rubbish etc."

The avoidance of cheating isn't "little world" thing. It's a big and important strand of morality (and please note, I do mean cheating, because you are free to make whatever ground rules you like for your primary relationship).

Do people fail to live up to what they thought their standards were? Hell, yes. And when that happens, what matters is what you do next

Are you going to learn from this, and use the experience to make your life better in the real world? Or are you going to get stuck, repeating stuff in online posts?

AuntieStella · 19/12/2015 16:13

"Go and live in your little world where everyone who doesn't live their life by the book are scum and rubbish etc."

The avoidance of cheating isn't "little world" thing. It's a big and important strand of morality (and please note, I do mean cheating, because you are free to make whatever ground rules you like for your primary relationship).

Do people fail to live up to what they thought their standards were? Hell, yes. And when that happens, what matters is what you do next

Are you going to learn from this, and use the experience to make your life better in the real world? Or are you going to get stuck, repeating stuff in online posts?

rockabillyruby82 · 19/12/2015 16:14

Eurgh, you sound revolting. You deserve this hurt as far as I'm concerned!

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/12/2015 16:17

Oh God, here we go again.....

Cantwaittillboxingday · 19/12/2015 16:17

I recognise the op and I know she has started several threads but surely she has the right to post. Just because people don't approve of her situation doesn't mean she has to go away.

ShebaShimmyShake · 19/12/2015 16:24

She has the right to post, and we have the right to tell her that her hypocritical, self-indulgent, self-inflicted Groundhog Day wallowing is irritating, boring and reflects very badly on her.

JE1234 · 19/12/2015 16:26

What Sheba said with Christmas bells on

Supermanspants · 19/12/2015 16:26

Cantwait
She posts crap. All made up. Each thread has had a common theme but with different people involved.

Cantwaittillboxingday · 19/12/2015 16:27

There's another thread on here where the op has knowingly had sex with a married man and the responses are very sympathetic eg 'sorry you're hurting', 'get a new hobby.'

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 16:30

Sorry but none of this is made up unfortunately although you probably would love it it was so you have something to moan about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 16:30

He isn't married!

OP posts:
Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 16:31

Everytime I post a thread asking for advice or opinions your swimming around waiting to spew your poison.
Maybe you should get a hobby which isn't being a cow.

OP posts:
Supermanspants · 19/12/2015 16:33

Ask yourself this OP..... why have all your previous threads been deleted?

ShebaShimmyShake · 19/12/2015 16:33

Cantwait, sure, but if she posts the same story every three weeks from now until Christmas 2016, each time resurrecting this tedious, sweaty one-night-stand as if it makes her some kind of tragic, modern Anna Karenina...we'll get bored then too.

JE1234 · 19/12/2015 16:34

You're not asking for advice though. The threads become a running defence of both you and him. What do you want to achieve? Serious question- can you be really specific about what you want so people can help you? You have had some good advice already but something is still prompting you to post.

RancidOldHag · 19/12/2015 16:34

"He isn't married!"

May as well be, in LTR with the mother of his child.

And as you now admit that you have posted other threads, I'd like to ask if you have tried any of the advice, from any of them, in RL?

Original poster
Outofmydepth15 · 19/12/2015 16:34

They haven't been deleted?
1 got deleted because of the sheer abuse which was received and the other is still active under a different user name as I knew the same people would be lurking around waiting to pounce.

OP posts:
Supermanspants · 19/12/2015 16:35

although you probably would love it it was so you have something to moan about

Yes..... because my life is really that empty. I live my life vicariously through your made up dramas that involve various men who are either ONS, married or in a LTR.