Step inside it's the Dating Thread 93

[SweetPotato1]

Looks like this needed to be kicked off again..

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread

mygast, know just what you mean about profile changing. Know we've no grounds to object but definitely I called one guy on it - nicely - and he said he wanted to see if he could do any better . He realised how that sounded and quickly retracted in but I went very meh after that.

tanyadm Chris and Liam Hemsworth at the same time are my idea of Heaven; and in my little OLD world Mr Boat floats my boat which is appropriate. And he is date number one tonight - he just sent me a text saying how much he is looking forward to it. Got major butterflies already!!

Oh no! Waving, you're our success story and glimmer of hope!

I think don't worry about his possible presence on Tinder, just focus on building up what you have with him, and enjoy your lunch. But I would maybe pry a little bit about the work thing that has led to the cancellation. In a casual way. Like "Oh, what a shame you have to work....", and talk about rescheduling.

Bee told me this morning that he has a son and has been divorced 6 years, because he wanted to "put me in the picture." As if it was going to put me off? Except, I co-parent two small children with my ex, very amicably, so it's kind of nice that he gets it.

I'm trying hard not to get invested in this one person, but every chat unearths more things that seem we are on the same wavelength. Almost at the point that I could suggest a date, he is certainly saying the right things.

Argh, he just sent me a lovely message that, if I wasn't Scottish and pale to the point of vampire, my cheeks would be bright red right now. Which would be bad, seeing as I'm supposed to be working. Right, need to concentrate on work and stop getting distracted by cute men. Man. Whatever.

I'm so glad this forum exists so I can offload all my nonsense. Love you guys.

waving I feel your anxiety, I really do. I was in a similar position, but with a guy I met in RL, although he was on POF. DTD after date 2, then he went AWOL. No contact at all. I felt awful. He got back in touch, and I gave him another chance. Then we seemed to do this dance thing for about six weeks with two steps forward and three back depending if we'd just shagged/needed to shag. He blew hot and cold - one day he wished he'd met me 20 years ago, then I didn't hear from him for 24 hours and he'd updated his POF profile. Then he texted me and we'd do the same thing all over again. Sure Soho is nowhere near as flaky, but I can empathise with the ever-shifting sand type of relationship. Think tanyadm has it right; call him on the work thing gently.

He does sound as though he's got potential tanyadm, think you need to suggest a date sooner rather than later if he doesn't.

Not working today and indulging in some heavy duty flirting with Mr Cash, still think he's too young and doesn't want anything serious but I'm enjoying it.

Also rethinking the outfit for my date tonight with Mr Boat - he's gorgeous; should I bring the big guns out and go with The Dress instead of jeans, or might that look like I've gone a bit OTT for a pub date?

DO THE DRESS. KNOCK HIS SOCKS OFF.

Apologies, I'm in a silly mood.

Is it a dress that is casual enough to be passable for a pub and knock off dates' socks at the same time?

Yes, it's not strapless or anything like that. Think black bodycon dress with a grey panel that accentuates my curves - I'm a size 12 but I do have junk in my trunk a fat arse

So I just got myself "Why Men Love Bitches" (thanks Waving I love the book!) so new bitchy me thinks that:
waving he is still seeing you today so do not say anything about the cancelled date. Make other plans and tell him what they are. Or don't tell him and say later you had a lovely night doing whatever that you don't even need to do. Since he himself uttered the dreaded word "relationship" I think you are winning at bring a proper "bitch". Congrats! I wouldn't say anything about tinder - remember a bitch does not care. Give it some ore time before you address the topic from a "boundaries" angle.

Posted too soon..
Tanya bitch in training thinks he should earn the Dress first. If you are comfy and confident in your other outfit, wear that to the first date.

I think I am having a lightbulb moment as to why Popcorn's interest suddenly dropped.. Will post my over analysis later on.

Think I might have to invest in it too. I know I'm too soft-hearted, and probably make myself emotionally vulnerable. And because I feel like Bee has the potential to be potentially special possibly, perhaps, want to arm myself against that!

Random first message on POF:

A poem to fill you day:

I set back the clock faced tailors,
Then, bushily swanked in bear wig and tails,
Hopping hot leaved and feathered
From the kangaroo foot of the earth,
From the chill, silent centre
Trailing the frost bitten cloth,
Up through the lubber crust of Wales
I rocketed to astonish
The flashing needle rock of squatters,
The criers of Shabby and Shorten,
The famous stitch droppers.

Someone I don't think I'll reply

Well. That's original...

Oh Waving, I'm sorry it's so up and down with Soho. But good for you for being strong. I don't think that you let your Inner Dating Bitch down by saying you'd call him. At least he knows he's not priority and can't mess you around.

Help me. Bee is melting my heart message by message. Give me some bitch ammunition.

Dress for the second date not too much but if a last minute rearrange for lunch instead of evening doesn't suit you wavering just say that you're too busy for lunches really and how about Friday? If Friday doesn't suit him, I'd say ''ok Ill let you know when I'm free next week''

But the (edited) exchange was:

Bee "You seem really nice and interesting, my turn for being a bit 'aw shucks'." (Which was in reference to me telling him last night he looks like Bryce Dessner).

I replied with a slightly bashful and flirty message, in which I told him he was lovely (Yes, I know, I know!).

Bee "The feeling is mutual"... followed by some chat about his day.

Smitten with online Bee, need to meet the real life one.

HELP!

Same as you here waving - open to a relationship if one develops but not desperate for one, and I think Soho would make me feel as though I was pushing him in a direction he didn't necessarily want to go down, even if all I was doing was setting a few, I don't know, boundaries maybe? Can see why you don't want the bother anymore.

You need to suggest meeting the lovely Bee tanyadm, the longer the messages go on the more invested you get and, REALLY hope it's not the case, but if you don't click when you meet, then the harder you'll fall.

Decided to wear The Dress

I have just messaged him to suggest that we should meet. Oh......

Fingers crossed Tanya

Crossing fingers here too!

waving yeh be a McBitch. Or no, that'd be Tanyadm, she can be a McBitch waving you be a Bitch-lite. Business Bitch. I think you should test Soho once and for all. Call the shot. Cancel lunch because meeting for lunch isn't good for you and then say magnanimously I could see you Friday. (or the day after the day he cancelled. If he can't do that day, don't suggest the following day. Say 'oh well that's a shame, bye'

"I don't even want a serious relationship, but I don't want someone who's holding me at such a distance. I'm in full Bitch mode now."

Amen to that. This is how I feel. Men who would 'crowd' me if we were going out won't commit to another cup of tea.