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Original poster

Ex's partner is expecting twins

119 replies

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:05

He's going to be 52 and she is will be 44 when they have them. Her first children, his 4th and 5th. His eldest child will be 24 on the birth, the youngest 14 going on 15. He became abusive towards me when I was expecting my first, it was emotional abuse, then he had an affair after the second birth. They are a wealthy couple and have by way of a salve to the children we share, have bought (well she has) a big house to accommodate them all. The children have no intentions of going - though I don't care if they do. What is he thinking? His youngest child is autistic.

I just feel so sorry for her. I thought they were the perfect couple. Could forgive the upheaval to the family when they fell for each other. He promised no more children in fact he had a vasectomy at 38. But although I think this is the beginning of the end of their relationship, my children have said to me to please never take him back. They are not happy. (I'm just laughing!).

What do I say to my children?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:51

You're not making sense.

Why would he be back on your doorstep?

justnippingin · 13/12/2015 21:51

I'm off to another thread....very confused Confused

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:51

I've just read some of your comments on the thread from the poster whose step children were always ill. You need to take your own advice.

Eminado · 13/12/2015 21:51

With respect OP you sound horribly bitter.

MarshaBrady · 13/12/2015 21:52

It must be really hard, but you can get support here. Don't disappear, talk some more. People will be nice

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2015 21:53

Why do you need to disappear so they can be a happy family? Confused

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:53

It was the children who told me.

They were not happy. All I could do was laugh. He was just barely there as a father at 29.

It's not going to end well.

OP posts:
PrettyBrightFireflies · 13/12/2015 21:54

Sadly, OP, you are reinforcing the stereotype of "bitter exW" that is usually staunchly denied on MN.

You were the OW, you had two/three DCs with a man you knew was a cheat and now you are revelling in the unhappiness of your DCs as some form of retribution for your ex's poor behaviour?
If their stepmum is a decent person, it may be she who has the most positive relationship with your DCs in years to come - as her behaviour will contrast with the conduct of both their parents.

Adelecarberry87 · 13/12/2015 21:54

Elendon remove yourself from their situation. Get yourself a partner amd concentrate on your life not living in the past.

SugarDiabetes · 13/12/2015 21:54

Hmmmm.

Ex's partner is expecting twins
zzzzz · 13/12/2015 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2015 21:55

I'm sure the children will get used to it. It's probably just been a bit of a shock.

I wouldn't assume either that it's not going to end well. They've been through a lot to get this pregnancy, so they may well be very happy.

I can't see why they wouldn't be anyway.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:58

Just forget it.

Thanks for talking sense into me.

x.

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 13/12/2015 22:00

My XH and his GF are expecting. He's 53, she's 29. I was a bit taken aback as he was never that hands on as a dad (although has a great relationship with both DCs) and yes, maybe a tiny bit jealous even although I'm totally loved up with my now DH and my baby days are well and truly over. (and we're totally enjoying a bit of freedom now the DCs are almost independent)

My two DCs are a bit "meh" but I think that's at the thought of one of their parents having sex....

I'm really happy for him. I know a lot of "late" or second time around dads of this age and they are very involved and engaged. I wish them both well, and hope the DCs get to know their new sibling.

Not your business, OP. You have to focus on your own life and moving on from this past relationship. Whether this birth is a joy or a mistake is not your concern.

fidel1ne · 13/12/2015 22:01

They obviously want the babies very much to have pursued treatment to have them. The likelihood is that they will be very happy.

You, your ex and his new wife have all been party to adultery so are on pretty much the same moral rung.

All of the DC, OTOH are at the mercy of the adult shenanigans and dramatics. Even the 24 year old.

You need to give yourself a gentle shake, reassure your DCs by word and action that it is fine with you for them to have relationships with their DDad, the partner he loves and their new siblings and make steps to disengage yourself emotionally and move on with your life positively.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 22:01

I lost an ovary, and a first pregnancy. Then after the birth of our first, a second miscarriage. I had a third pregnancy.

I do understand.

OP posts:
fidel1ne · 13/12/2015 22:03

You're in a new phase of your life now.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 22:03

It's the children who don't understand, even though some of them are adults.

OP posts:
fidel1ne · 13/12/2015 22:04

Is it possible that the children are taking their emotional lead from you?

MrsDeVere · 13/12/2015 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 22:06

Who don't understand what though?

He's in a committed relationship (as much as a serial cheat can be, I'd imagine) and they've decided to have children.

What's the confusion/the humour/the drama?

DickDewy · 13/12/2015 22:08

It's undoubtedly a very happy thing for your ex and his partner, and would normally be so for the older children.

Don't let your bitterness affect your children's reaction. What do you say to them? You say, 'twins, how exciting! I bet they're thrilled' and let everyone move on without negativity.

mumofthemonsters808 · 13/12/2015 22:10

Eledon just get on with your life, he has a new life now and how he decides to live it, is none of your business. Don't give him the headspace or dwell on the past or you will end up very bitter and twisted. Hopefully he's learnt from his past errors and matured, but if he hasn't, he's not your problem anymore.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 22:11

They are the adults, apart from the autistic 14 year old. They told me.

I was the one who said that there was no contact between me and their dad all of two years ago. They appreciated that, as did he, although he was not happy when I told him not to walk into the house whenever.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 22:16

STOP mentioning the fact that your 14 year old is autistic. It really isn't relevant here. He is a person without his autism.

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