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Original poster

Ex's partner is expecting twins

119 replies

Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:05

He's going to be 52 and she is will be 44 when they have them. Her first children, his 4th and 5th. His eldest child will be 24 on the birth, the youngest 14 going on 15. He became abusive towards me when I was expecting my first, it was emotional abuse, then he had an affair after the second birth. They are a wealthy couple and have by way of a salve to the children we share, have bought (well she has) a big house to accommodate them all. The children have no intentions of going - though I don't care if they do. What is he thinking? His youngest child is autistic.

I just feel so sorry for her. I thought they were the perfect couple. Could forgive the upheaval to the family when they fell for each other. He promised no more children in fact he had a vasectomy at 38. But although I think this is the beginning of the end of their relationship, my children have said to me to please never take him back. They are not happy. (I'm just laughing!).

What do I say to my children?

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 13/12/2015 21:35

I'm sure can be difficult when another family is started.

But she's 44 and the twins are her first babies, with all she has possibly been through I'd bet she's over the moon. And why the beginning of the end

justnippingin · 13/12/2015 21:37

Why are you laughing, I don't understand ?

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:37

Yes she was the OW and she has made it very clear that I never meet her.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:37

New babies always bring about conciliation

Didn't in your case

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:38

I've no idea why I'm laughing, I don't understand my reaction either.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:39

How did the mother of his first child respond to YOUR two children with him?

zzzzz · 13/12/2015 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:40

How do I resolve this?

Always in our 20 year relationship with our children's father, it was always up to me to resolve the emotional side of things. He had an affair after the birth of our 2nd child and I have to admit I was too the OW. I was always guilty about that.

OP posts:
hefzi · 13/12/2015 21:41

He's the fool - he'll still be paying school fees when most men his age have retired (and even if they're not privately educated, he'll still be forking out long after most parents have stopped, what with university etc): but you really need to back off, and just tell your kids that it's not uncommon that people have children with their new partners, and that they will need to get used to the idea that they will have step-siblings.

Yes, it's not pleasant, and no doubt, even at their age, they will feel pushed aside/under-valued etc - but it would be a huge mistake on your part to continue to be so over-invested in your XH's new relationship and so bitter about his new life. It's not healthy for you, and it's definitely not healthy for you to be having these sorts of conversations with your kids.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:42

and she has made it very clear that I never meet her.

So?

You keep making these short statement as though they are self explanatory and we should all have a particular reaction.

Flamingo1980 · 13/12/2015 21:42

Really confusing post.
You hope it works out.
You fear it won't.
You can't stop laughing about it.
He caused you so much pain.

All very contradictory I'm not sure why you want us to say really.

justnippingin · 13/12/2015 21:42

OW or not, as he was abusive, it seems she did you a favour in the long run. I'm sure she's thrilled to be having her first children at 44. Take a back seat, let her relationship with him run its course. You seem to be feeling bitter about it all. I understand the hurt he's caused you but be thankful he's gone.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:43

I'm the carer of our autistic son. I get the grip, don't worry. I gave up my career to look after him. He's lovely.

There are three children. She was jealous of me having children with him. He told me this.

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 13/12/2015 21:43

He had an affair after the birth of our 2nd child and I have to admit I was too the OW

Confused
CarbonEmittingPenguin · 13/12/2015 21:44

You sound like you never really healed over what went on between you and him.

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:45

Have you been drinking Elendon?

You were the OW when he had a child with someone else? Some may call that karma.

wannabestressfree · 13/12/2015 21:45

You are no better.

justnippingin · 13/12/2015 21:46

You were the OW too.....So you knew the likelihood of him repeating his behaviour was most likely!

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2015 21:46

He's had a vasectomy reversal and they've had IVF treatment.

Now they have an obviously very much wanted pregnancy.

I'm not getting why that's funny? Confused

AliceInUnderpants · 13/12/2015 21:47

Sorry just re-read, for some reason I thought you'd mentioned having two children with him.

The OW comment still stands though.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:47

Sorry, but this has really worried me. I've no idea why I just starting laughing. I wish I'd never had children with him. I've made it very plain and was told to do so after a single mediation session before divorce to never speak to him again. It was suggested that couple mediation not take place.

I don't want him back on my door step. I hate it when he rings the bell to collect our youngest.

OP posts:
Thisismyfirsttime · 13/12/2015 21:47

Why do you think they won't be very happy to have conceived together? Why would it be a punishment? If you say he had a vasectomy they must have planned this. Why are you so invested in it and feeling so over the moon that it might be a 'punishment'? Even if it were to go tits up and it were a terrible thing (in their eyes) to happen there are 2 children coming into it. Do you hope it all goes badly wrong and they realise what a terrible mistake they made at the detriment to those innocent babies?
Or are you just bitterly enjoying a little fantasy?

starry0ne · 13/12/2015 21:48

AS your children are almost grown.. I think factual information for them to make a decision...

What I am most confused by with this post is why you know this info and the children don't...

You do like other have said sound better..We left abusive ex and now I couldn't care if he has more children or none..I have no interest in his life.

Original poster
Elendon · 13/12/2015 21:50

Perhaps it's best if I just disappear. Then they can get on and be a happy family?

I don't have a partner.

OP posts:
Potatoface2 · 13/12/2015 21:51

i think you are laughing because if you dont you will cry....focus on your children and forget about the man you were married to....he doesnt sound that much of a catch to be honest

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