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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a blazing row over fucking toilet roll

109 replies

Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 00:34

It's the second time he has called me names and this time I give it him back. Ve been with him five years - one dd. 98% of the time he is laid back jack but somtimes he can switch over somthing and completly change. I've never felt scared of him it's just the complete change in his persona that worries me, he is like a different bloke.

Tonight he went upstairs to use the toilet, he didn't take the loo roll up and as I walked past I chucked it up the stairs, he text me a few mins later to pass it him. I thought he was joking and said no. He said he'd had the runs and needed me to pass it him. I said it was by the door. This was all text.

He then bellowed xxxx pass me the toilet roll from upstairs you fucking knob his dad who was sitting near me looked shocked. Dp doesn't not speck to me like this. He then shouted to his dad who got up and went upstairs. His dad told him to be quiet or he will wake dd (which he did) and he shouted that he didn't fucking care.

He then stormed off to bed leaving me sat in the living room with his dad.

His dad went home quickly afterwards at which point inhadntbsaid a word back to dp in retaliation. I then went upstairs and said ' don't ever call me a name again other rise I will start calling you a fat cunt and see how you like it'

I don't know if this is a big deal it not, it feels like it is. The fact that he didn't care about waking out child while in this mood has really made me think he isn't the nice guy he makes out. At the moment we have having some issues that keep getting brushed aside as I feel he makes me feel irrelevant. As though I'm here because he wants dd near him

Am I blowing it out of proportion !

OP posts:
Dipankrispaneven · 10/12/2015 10:28

Why do you wait on him? Why don't you tell him to make his own tea?

BastardGoDarkly · 10/12/2015 10:31

Firstly, I'm amazed anyone would sit with the runs having a shit, with the door wide open and Dad and wife downstairs, just why?!

Apart from that, do you ever wonder if he's seeing someone else? The leaving for no reason, change in character, wiped internet history?

He sounds awful.

Grumpyoldblonde · 10/12/2015 10:31

sounds like a lovely household to raise kids, keeping the bathroom door open while having diahorrea , calling him a fat cunt, him shouting and calling you names, no loo roll in the bathroom, you waiting on him while he lazes around.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 10:32

Bastard I don't think she's said anywhere he was sitting with the door open?

flymo79 · 10/12/2015 10:32

^ this guy 'gets upset' when you point out how irritable and unreasonable he is?? Is he four?? He didn't just call you a knob, he called you a fucking^ knob. And then swore at his dad.
OK, I'm judging here, and using my own set up as a point of ref, but forgive me. if dp called me a swear in front of relatives we would both be mortified. If he then went on to swear at his dad I'd think he was having a mental breakdown. It either signifies a total lack of respect, or that your relationship has deteriorated so badly neither one of you can back down. Draw a line, regardless of what's gone on in the past, how sorry he was for expecting you and dd to move out when he left you... yadda yadda. don't even get me started on shouting so loud he woke up the kid. Clearly he doesn't have a handle on his behaviour, runs or no runs. If he had a phone in his hand, a means of communication, he absolutely had alternatives to shouting at his missus like a bellowing moron.
forget the private browsing, forget the plans you had at the weekend (or you do them with dd and he can do his own thing). In your position I'd up the ante and show him that his behaviour is not acceptable, other wise you risk being on here asking MN questions about every little thing he does that vexes you.... or are you really worried about not being with him?

BalaRua · 10/12/2015 10:34

Haven't quite rtft only page 1 but I agree with pps who've said they'd be raging if their partners wouldn't pass them the loo roll if they were stuck on the toilet having diarrhoea. Why wouldn't you just pass him it? I can understand him getting angry. But he shouldn't have swore and called you names but I definitely would've called my dh all kinds.

MNerAnon · 10/12/2015 10:35

Bastard I don't think she's said anywhere he was sitting with the door open?

Yeah she said it at 09:25 if you look back.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 10:35

Op, what do you want to happen with your relationship?

Could you look for a job elsewhere? I left mine in March to look after the children and help my DH with the business but it's not working out. I'm not happy and I'm going to start looking for a job in the new year. Sahm isn't for me, I'm mind numbingly bored, my youngest starts nursery too in January and il be even worse after that.

Have you ever brought up his weight gain? Do you fancy him and still feel attracted to him sexually?

derxa · 10/12/2015 10:37
Confused
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 10:37

Okay well sitting with door, wide open? Having a shit is disgusting. He sounds like a lazy pig, ltb for that alone!

stitchglitched · 10/12/2015 10:39

Perhaps you should read the thread then Bala. This guy treats OP like his servant and she thought this was just another example of that.

BertrandRussell · 10/12/2015 10:40

Utterly unacceptable for him to talk to you like that at all never mind in front of anyone else.

But it's also pretty unacceptable not to pass the loo roll to someone who's sitting in the loo with a shitty bottom.

MNerAnon · 10/12/2015 10:41

Okay well sitting with door, wide open? Having a shit is disgusting. He sounds like a lazy pig, ltb for that alone!

Unless the whole family do this routinely? In which case, for that family, t would be perfectly normal. The OP hasn't said either way, so you're making assumptions there.

Also, with regard to the diarrhoea, my point was that the x3 curries wouldn't have been the cause, if he'd eaten a single sandwich he could easily have had the same effect. It would NOT have been the curry passing through, but other previous meals in the bowel, stimulated by eating perhaps, but not actually anything to do with the curry specifically at this point yet, nor the volume of curry. That delight would be later!

MNerAnon · 10/12/2015 10:43

Think BertrandRussell nailed it in two simple lines. Its six of one and half dozen of the other.

BalaRua · 10/12/2015 10:44

I've rtft now and I still would have gone ape if my dh hadn't passed me the loo roll when I was desperate.

Sounds like your relationship is awful. Why are you with this man?

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 10:46

stitch yes I did feel/think that

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 10/12/2015 10:51

Tbh OP he sounds awful. No wonder you feel like he has no respect for you, from what you've said he treats you with none.

I also think it's funny someone would accuse you of lying about the 3 plates of food. Ha!

crispytruffle · 10/12/2015 10:52

I don't really get why you didn't pass it to him tbh. I don't see the hardship. Why would you prefer to have shite all over the hallway? I could see the problem if he then asked you to wipe his arse?!

MNerAnon · 10/12/2015 10:55

I also think it's funny someone would accuse you of lying about the 3 plates of food. Ha!

Ummm... probably because she contradicted herself about something else,.... when she said he had the runs and an upset tummy and then said he wasn't in a rush for the loo?

stitchglitched · 10/12/2015 10:56

I think people are missing the point. In a normal healthy relationship passing the loo roll wouldn't be a big deal. In a relationship where the OP fetches and carries like a maid and he sits on his arse doing nothing its understandable that OP thought he was taking the piss, especially since she had already put the loo roll upstairs.

hownottofuckup · 10/12/2015 10:59

Why should she? If your partner asked you to pass them in the toilet roll as they had the runs and there was none left, of course you would.
But, if they asked you every fucking time rather then ever sort it out themself, generally treated you like a skivvy and you'd already chucked the roll up the stairs for them, maybe you'd think on that occasion 'err, no.'

hownottofuckup · 10/12/2015 11:04

She said he claimed he had the runs but hadn't rushed to the loo. That's not contradictory.
Regardless, I have a friend who quite easily eats 3 plates of food in the time I eat 1, its a little irritating but quite possible. It just seems like a funny thing to pick out as being unbelievable.

Notfastjustfurious · 10/12/2015 11:08

I wonder how many of you actually read the ops post before commenting, she is neither vindictive or vile. Dp has form for walking passed the toilet roll and expecting it to be brought to him, the runs in this case are a red herring this man thinks he has staff and not a partner.

You need to take a long hard look at your relationship and at your shared business too - this is your livelihood and you're going to need it if you're leaving.

flymo79 · 10/12/2015 11:21

also love the fact that the 3 plates of curry and the digestive system are being queried...
this last line says it all
At the moment we have having some issues that keep getting brushed aside as I feel he makes me feel irrelevant. As though I'm here because he wants dd near him
OP needs to resolve all of this before getting to the bottom of the bottom matters

Castrovalva · 10/12/2015 11:23

I had to check this wasn't in AIBU. Some harsh responses.