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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just had a blazing row over fucking toilet roll

109 replies

Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 00:34

It's the second time he has called me names and this time I give it him back. Ve been with him five years - one dd. 98% of the time he is laid back jack but somtimes he can switch over somthing and completly change. I've never felt scared of him it's just the complete change in his persona that worries me, he is like a different bloke.

Tonight he went upstairs to use the toilet, he didn't take the loo roll up and as I walked past I chucked it up the stairs, he text me a few mins later to pass it him. I thought he was joking and said no. He said he'd had the runs and needed me to pass it him. I said it was by the door. This was all text.

He then bellowed xxxx pass me the toilet roll from upstairs you fucking knob his dad who was sitting near me looked shocked. Dp doesn't not speck to me like this. He then shouted to his dad who got up and went upstairs. His dad told him to be quiet or he will wake dd (which he did) and he shouted that he didn't fucking care.

He then stormed off to bed leaving me sat in the living room with his dad.

His dad went home quickly afterwards at which point inhadntbsaid a word back to dp in retaliation. I then went upstairs and said ' don't ever call me a name again other rise I will start calling you a fat cunt and see how you like it'

I don't know if this is a big deal it not, it feels like it is. The fact that he didn't care about waking out child while in this mood has really made me think he isn't the nice guy he makes out. At the moment we have having some issues that keep getting brushed aside as I feel he makes me feel irrelevant. As though I'm here because he wants dd near him

Am I blowing it out of proportion !

OP posts:
DifferentCats · 10/12/2015 08:51

It sounds like you were already mad at him so you were being petty. But you went too far.

Sallystyle · 10/12/2015 08:55

You didn't pass him the toilet roll when he had the runs?

Yeah, I might call my husband a knob in that situation.

Sometimes I forget to take toilet roll up with me if we have run out upstairs.

Yes he does sound lazy, which needs addressing.

diddl · 10/12/2015 08:59

So you chucked the tpaper up the stairs?

He didn't notice it & then you wouldn't take the paper in to him?

Blimey, I'd take paperin even if someone didn't have the shits.

And "don't call me a name again or I'll call you a fat cunt"??

Lightbulbon · 10/12/2015 09:01

Both of your behaviour's were unreasonable but he sounds like a horrible person generally. Why do you stay with him?

ArcheryAnnie · 10/12/2015 09:02

My late dad used to go ballistic over the top of the toothpaste tube being left off. He'd go from zero to ninety in seconds. (We were a big household, and in the morning someone was bound to leave the toothpaste tube top off.)

It wasn't about toothpaste. It was about my dad being a volatile, abusive asshole who felt able to rant and rave at his own family whenever he felt like it. You have to decide whether the "complete change" in your husband's persona when he does this is what you really want to live with. If he has anger management problems, then maybe he needs help. If he's just an asshole, then maybe you need to think about what you want.

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:05

I wasn't angry with him at all, I actually thought he was joking when he text asking me to pass it him. All he had to do was lean forward. If he had said he had made a mess I would have.

diddle I do everytime but this time I chucked it up before he had even asked. I've chucked it up before and he had been fine with that.

OP posts:
MrsGradyOldLady · 10/12/2015 09:08

He shouldn't have shouted at you or called you names but I would probably have felt angry too if I'd just had diarrhoea and presumably resulting shitty arse and the person I was married to refused to pass the loo roll.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 09:09

I'd of been really fucking pissed off if I'd had an upset stomach and someone didn't have the decency to pass me the toilet roll in and expected me to waddle to it in the hall.

Yes he should of taken it but if he had an upset stomach perhaps he just wanted to get there asap and never even noticed it.so you were being unreasonable there.

He was however being unreasonable for calling you names and not caring about waking your kid.

You clearly have issues you need to work out and this has been made into a mountain out a molehill.

BathtimeFunkster · 10/12/2015 09:10

He thinks it's your job to deliver toilet paper into his hand after he's had a shit.

He's probably like you to wipe his arse for him so he needn't bother.

He had no need to call you names because your toilet paper delivery service was not up to its usual standards.

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:11

archery he doesn't normally rant and rave, it's just a flash of temper eg, kicked a bin or smashed a hand remote. He normally goes very tight lipped and stares and one place and will it discuss anything. The last two times he has called me names though and when I was trying to settle dd and asked where her bottle was he just ignored me

OP posts:
Shinyshoes2 · 10/12/2015 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:12

He has gone to work this morning didn't speak a word to me (not that I would want him too)

OP posts:
Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:14

The thing is shiny dp doesn't have IBS, which would be a different matter. And I think you sound fucking vile too .

OP posts:
Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:16

exasperated he didn't go to the toilet in a hurry.

OP posts:
diddl · 10/12/2015 09:16

OK, I think that I've misunderstood.

I was thinking that the loo roll was outside the bathroom & that he would have to get off the loo. to get to it.

So do you find yourself being careful with what you say/do to try to stop the temper flares happening?

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:19

No diddle not normally. We don't really argue. Although when he switches like this (and it rare) no one can talk to him.

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 09:19

After your recent posts, you just don't sound like you actually like each other very much at all. Is there any love, laughter or affection?

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:21

I don't want to come across as uncaring but I didn't think it was as bad as he said - I genuinly thought he was joking. I literatly wait on him hand and foot when he is here, bring his tea in to him, make him drinks ect.. I thought he was taking the piss wanting me to go back up and put it in his hand

OP posts:
Whaleshark · 10/12/2015 09:22

Are the people saying the DP was justified in shouting at the OP, actually reading the thread? He sounds like a truly horrible person OP. Does he have any redeeming features?

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 10/12/2015 09:22

So its rare for him to be like this, except last week he called you names over the baby's bottle and previously he's smashed the TV remote and something else. Hes lazy and does nothing except lay on couch and play on his phone and doesn't even look at his daughter when she talks to him. Hes left twice.

What are his good points?

SoupDragon · 10/12/2015 09:24

He absolutely shouldn't have called you names but if someone said they had the runs and needed me to pass them the loo roll I would pass them the loo roll.

Unless he was having a shit with the door open, surely it would have been tricky to reach.

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:25

exasperated yes there is. He has put around four stone on since I met him (dramatically changed his appearance) but he is a nice guy most of the time so see past that. He still makes me laugh but I don't think he has the respect for me he used to have.

I gave up work to be a SAHM and desperately want to go back to work we have our own buisness and I know he doesn't really want me to go to the office

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 10/12/2015 09:25

I thought he was taking the piss wanting me to go back up and put it in his hand.

He was. But not in a fun way.

A decent bloke would be more embarrassed for his dad to hear him being abusive to his wife than about making it clear his shite was so runny and copious he couldn't move a meter off the toilet.

Original poster
Lastmanstanding · 10/12/2015 09:25

soup the door was open.

OP posts:
SanityClause · 10/12/2015 09:34

If anyone sounds fucking vile, it's him.

If he had texted something like, "I'm sorry, but I've got the shits, and I really need you to come up and hand me the loo roll", I'm sure you would have done it.

He sounds incredibly lazy, and his episodes of leaving you for a week or so sound like he is warning you to always do as he says, or look at what will happen.

Frankly, another time, I'd just let him go.

And his father should have stood up for you, as well. He was actually only concerned about your DD waking up, and not that his son was treating another human being like a piece of the shit off his arse.