Everything is such a struggle.
He is the type of person who seems instantly opposed to anything I like/want/suggest.
The type of person who acts like they know everything and everyone else in the world is stupid and incapable of doing things right.
Also that the entire world is out to get him.
We have just had a bicker (he's getting up for work and I'm up with DS) about crockery. I wanted to buy some new Denby stuff in Black Friday sales. He says he can only eat off a white plate. And also 'I don't see why we have to buy stuff cos it's Black Friday. That's a stupid mentality and your just going with the masses who must buy it cos it's on sale'
Me: 'no I just want to buy it while it's better then half price'
Him 'buy it but I'll have to keep a white plate for myself cos I can't eat off anything else'
It's everything like that. If I want/like anything he is just opposed to it. Yet everything must be brands as if it's not then its 'cheap shit'.
We have 2 DC and everything I do with them (discipline and teaching wise) is always wrong. He doesn't have alternative methods or suggestions. When asked how I should approach things instead his answer is 'I don't know but your method isn't right'.
I'm tired of being 'wrong' all the time. Of never having anything I like cos he just doesn't like what I like. I'm tired of listening to him complain and be so 'put upon' and so negative all the time. All the time.
I'm tired of hearing about how stupid everyone is. Everyone is stupid. Everyone.
Person that works at call centre for energy firm? Stupid, doesn't know how to do their job.
Mechanic who failed his car mot - stupid. Probably not trained. If they are trained they work there cos they couldn't get a better job.
Staff at this place - stupid. Just showing up for work but not really capable of doing their job.
And on and on and on. Everyone is stupid. Except him.
For the first time recently I thought 'what did he used to think of me when he first met me?' Because I have realised that he must have thought I was stupid as well.
Everything is such a struggle. And I see friends and family who are in relationships and they all seem happy and agreeable and able to accommodate each other.
I was recently visiting my aunt and uncle and I watched them.
They bickered over things but in a casual and respectful manner. She has exquisite (and sometimes expensive) taste and he is a penny pincher. They are redecorating. Aunt was telling me of awful rows over decorations and cost and extensions and stuff like that. But the point is they find a way to accommodate each other. As they always reach a compromise, not just a flat 'no, it's my way or no way'.
I found myself looking at them and thinking 'this will not be me and dh. There's no way'
Did I mention that I dislike plain white plates? I don't know why. But I don't like white plates. I like them to have at least a hint, a suggestion of off white. But he must have brilliant white.
How do you manage a relationship when u can't even agree on morherfucking plates.
I'm so tired. And in all honesty I fantasise about divorce and being a single mum so I can any fucking colour plates I like as that way I could just get on with life and be happy without having to fight someone all the time and without having to listen to how stupid the whole world is.
I'm a positive person and I cried a few days ago as something that would have usually got me all riled up happened and I just felt like 'meh' and I know that that is due to being worn down and just suppressing myself as a coping mechanism.
I know I need to ltb but it honestly is so complicated. He has debts, In my name. And for the DC it will be awful. He will make it so. Plus just the whole thing seems like it would be such a monumental up hill struggle that I just don't know where to start.
And really, when the lawyers ask 'reason for divorce?' Can I say 'I want coloured fucking plates?'