To think I might really have a problem!

[Starwar]

Not sure if this is the right place to put this. I'm a regular poster but have NC for this.

I think I might be depressed. I don't mean just feeling down or fed up. I have no interest in doing anything at all. I ignore my friends who have given up bothering to even contact me now. I do go to work but that's it. I fake a smile and am probably still seen as the life and soul, but it's just a show, a very tiring one at that. I come home, close the curtains and go to bed. Im annoyed if the phone rings because I just want to be left alone.

I know it's not right but I can't decide if it's just a reaction to my current situation DH is leaving and will hopefully pass when that does. I am very upset about the breakdown of our marriage but I know there is no other way. it's like my entire future had been wiped out.

He says I'm being lazy and I wonder if he is right but maybe I need to see my already stretched GP. I feel to do that would just be wasting their time. I'm just so fed up and down. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this in RL. I'm hoping someone in here will give me a virtual kick up the arse.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place

OP, just seen your post about DSC. That is so sad. No wonder you feel as you do. I want something really lovely to happen for you soon.

Again thank you all for that, it's so helpful to get perspective from others. I've always felt very cynical about the overuse of AD and am so reluctant to have a diagnosis of depression slapped on me if it's possibly just a normal reaction (although not normal for me). I've never felt this low despite having traumas in my life (as everyone does)

It's been going on for so long because my marriage has not been right for some time. I almost feel that ive given up now! Sometimes it's so bad that I just spend all day in bed, no interest in any thing and certainly wouldn't be bothered posting something like this. But then I'll feel a bit better like today and think there may be light at the end of the tunnel Sounds ridiculous doesn't it.

Thanks again for all the advice people, I think i will just persevere see if I can sort this myself. It may just be a normal reaction to all the mess. B I will also check that link out boo.

How kind Mrs molesworth for you to reply.
I do agree with you wholeheartedly. When I'm feeling more energised, I suggest a meal out after work with dcs. Maybe a walk around the shops. A movie snuggled up together. Anything to break the routine.
If I'm feeling low, I want to cocoon.
Nothing at all to bother me. To escape online or in a book.

I have a works night out soon. I have avoided this for years. The thought of what to wear, and being out of my comfort zone makes me want to cancel. I have already tried, but the lady who organises it wouldn't let me. She thinks it will benefit me to be out. Oh, the aniexty is building up already.

Sorry OP for jumping in on your thread. Hope you have had a good day.

Yes, it is hard when children are involved, even if they're not yours STBEX is moving out so I won't see these children again after 6 years of being a SP. The house will be empty the rooms will be empty and it's very hard to think about. That's why I think maybe it's okay to feel totally miserable and 'depressed' about it. No tablets on the planet are going to give me a 'family' back.

No problem beautifully hope you enjoy your night out

My gp, when I was having a tough time after multiple bereavements, suggested something called the Mood Gym. It's online, and he meant it as a stop-gap for the 6 months waiting list for counselling. I have heard mixed reciews and didn't manage to do much with it myself, but have a look. It may help you.

Beautifully and OP, both of you are describing the need to cocoon. So why not really indulge it and do it in style? Stack up fantastic magazines, books, music, DVDs. Light scented candles, wrap up in rugs and watch entire box sets or all the films by one of your favourite directors. Or lie in bed with a stack of travel brochures or home magazines and plan a project for when you are feeling up to something more. It's midwinter. It's OK to cocoon as long as you allow yourself to enjoy it. Plants die back and look like they are doing sod all under the soil but they are storing up energy to put out new shoots in spring. I think some of us do similar, and that's OK. But we are allowed to enjoy it!
OP you have had your heart broken so the need to cocoon could be really therapeutic if you take care of yourself while you do it instead of just being in a state of sensory deprivation. If that makes sense.

lovelyFriend why can't you go back to the doctor and ask about ADs if you still feel bad love?

Op, I'm so sorry, anyone would be miserable as sin in your situation, it's a very sad time. How old are the children? Is there no possibility of keeping in touch?

I understand your reluctance to go on tablets, but do please go and talk to your doctor? Maybe you need counselling to get through this tough patch.

Also, could you reconnect with your old friends? Would you like to?

All the posters who went on ADs and saying they really helped - did you have hard time stopping them? I think it's scary to go on Ads due to side effects and a possibly addiction to them.
OP depression is a gard thing but on a positive side it's a temporary one caused by events - it's much more scary when despite of all the good things people get it, as if it's inherent. So be optimistic thinking that it's a valid response to events but obviously if it doesn't shift by following all the advice, you may have to take ADs - hopefully not.

It's natural to feel depressed - who wouldn't? You've got an even bigger reason with your ex telling you you're being lazy! It sounds like you will feel like a weight's been lifted when he goes. It's sad about your step children; people are so keen to have a partner who's good with their children and then they don't think twice about ripping them away from them.

It's so obvious from what you've said about the way you feel that you are depressed. ADs give you a way of coping with huge life-changes, so that you don't spend all day in bed.

Please see your doctor. As soon as you say your marriage has come to an end, your doctor will know you need ADs.

Depression comes in different types. There is often a real cause which is easy to identify, and there is the one where you have no idea where it came from. It's still depression, whichever type; a counsellor would need to know which, but an AD wouldn't.

I don't really want to connect to anyone. I've been feeling like this for a while now because things have been so tough. I Know it's going to get worse because he is yet to leave. I won't be able to keep in touch with the children. They're not mine as 'd'h keeps reminding me I hope this is a reactional wallow but I know it is going to get harder. Maybe I should speak to the GP. I genuinely just want to quit my job and never have to speak to anyone again . It's a dark place for sure.

I'm not suicidal although I do sometimes feel that would be a blessed relief! The only reason is I couldn't do that to my parents who are quite old and vulnerable.

As I'm writing this I realise how crazy that sounds. Maybe like a PP suggested I should buy a notepad and write things down. It does feel different trying to explain it in actual words on here as opposed to having rambling messy darkness in your own head

Cutting contact with people was my first step into depression, staying indoors all the time was next. Please get help, I didn't and getting out of it was so so difficult and I'm not sure I completely did to be honest.
Tablets probably won't help in your situation, I've studied psychology at degree level and you should be given therapy of some description, possibly on its own or alongside drug treatment, only a qualified professional can tell you exactly.

It sounds very familiar to me as a long term depressed person. You aren't lazy either it just feels impossible to do things. Counselling may help, pills may help but you may just have to find what works for you and sometimes nothing works. I've had an improvement recently after coming off the injection (same as mini pill), which may or may not be relevant. Reaching out when you can will help and building up your self esteem and identity - do things you enjoy with people you find easy to be with.

I agree with tuliamum I became almost agoraphobic when I had depression, and my irrational thoughts were able to take over as I never had anyone to distract me from them. Depression can also be an absence of feeling, as well as feeling down.

And whilst meds won't fix your life situation, they can take the edge of your emotional state (or lack thereof) and allow you to put one foot in front of the other. I know lots of people who take them, without any stigma. It's no different from taking painkillers for backache, or having a support bandage for tennis elbow!

oh sweety

It's so hard and I totally get the whole future stolen off you thing - been there - got the T shirt x

Whatever helps get you through - try it - it will get better but maybe see the GP just to chat about your options xxxx

Oh I do cocoon in style
I have a beautifully decorated bedroom with Indian wood furniture, goosedown duvet and pillows, sumptuous fur throw and silk scatter cushions.
Always have a scented candle going, or lavender essential oil vaporising, moroccan lamps on low, and keep my bed and room scrupulously clean and tidy.
Oh, and I've just put sky in my room

I sit with my remote control , kindle, and phone next to me -and I'm in heaven.

But, I know it's not healthy. I know it's avoiding the world. I order in online food shopping, clothes shopping, takeaways- and send the DCS to the door

Sigh.

Not wanting to connect and isolating yourself are classic signs of depression. It is normal to feel sad and miserable but not perhaps normal to feel like your life is over/ruined and like you don't want to be around anyone.

Do you also find yourself constantly running over the same things in your head?

The thing with giving into the cocooning instinct is that things may spiral worse and worse.

If you want to stave off the depression or prevent it from setting in then I would advise finding things you actually want to do and doing them, when ever you can. I don't mean big things or parties etc. just little things everyday.

If you can't think of ANYTHING you actually want to do, then depression is a likely diagnosis.

and keep my bed and room scrupulously clean and tidy.
Oh, and I've just put sky in my room blush

Can you come round to mine and sort it? H is taking all the furniture when he leaves so I see no point in doing anything at all. I can barely scavenge a clean pair of nik nacks when I do manage to heave myself out of bed to go to work!

Thank you all again for your responses, each and every one is so helpful x

still hoping someone would answer to my post regarding coming off ADs as many newly depressed people worry they may be addictive so they put up with depression/anxiety! I think it's very relevant to OP as she is reluctant about the meds, it's not just my own curiousity.

Even if this reaction is "normal" and temporary, Starwar, you should go and seek some help to get you through this period.

At the least, you're probably going to want some talking therapy to explore the grief you feel about losing your family, the DSC.

You can use antidepressants "temporarily" too. I think if you have a lot of stress going on in your life (which you do), you can quickly head down a path that's not great for your mental health, and if you stabilise that mood in order to give yourself a chance to think about how to get yourself back, what to do next, then that's only a good thing.

Please don't struggle alone. That's what the GP is for, to help you. Making the appointment might be the hardest bit - do try, you sound as if you need to. And like I say, the GP will act as a gateway to some talking therapy too, even if you don't need antidepressants.

noclueses ADs are not addictive according to clinical trials. I found setraline had initially a fairly horrible effect on me and my sleep pattern in particular...but it very much lowered my anxiety level. I don't actually think it addressed my depression at all - but then mine was caused by trauma.

When it came time to come off them I had a hideous few weeks where my sleep was all buggered up again and I kept feeling electric shock like sensations in my head. I also became paranoid and had to give up driving.

None of this relates to it being hard to stop taking them - in fact it made me even more glad that I had stopped! But I would suggest that both increasing and decreasing doses of AD's can have temporary and somewhat random effects, though usually limited to days or maybe a few weeks.

I should also say that while my symptoms aren't rare, most people can go on and off setraline without any trouble.

I can't speak to the side effects of other AD's all I know is that they are not thought to be addictive from a clinical standpoint.

My doctor referred to it as being like wearing socks. You may do it all the time every day, but you aren't addicted to it...

I am a very strong adherent to managing depression through modification of your thought patterns and behaviour. I have received CBT and it is that and not the drugs that have gotten me back to work and back in love with life.

Having said that if you cannot face therapy due to anxiety or lethargy then the drugs can get you levelled out enough to make use of the therapy...

To answer about coming off ads. I had my dosage cut too much, suddenly and had a return of symptoms- I felt very emotional and vulnerable. So, I went back to Dr and we agreed on a very slow cutting down over about 3 months. That worked perfectly. I had no problems and came off ADs (sertraline)

It is completely normal to feel down when life is being shit Starwar I felt the same this morning,it just came over me like a wave of grief and I worried about depression rearing it's ugly head again.

I'm really sorry about your marriage it must a be a really emotional time for you,it's hard enough when your the one that's deciding the marriage can't go on but if your the one who hasn't made that decision it must feel a hundred times worse.

Do you think you could still have contact with your DSC,I know alot more step parents that do know.

noclueses sorry I've only just seen your question.

I had ADS after having my first DS and then again after having my second DS,I had PND,my dose was lowered with each after a while until I was off them all together and I was fine.

This was years ago(just over 16 years)since I came off the second lot,I think DR's and health professionals as a whole are alot more clued up now and they can usually tell what kind of medication if any is right for a patience,I know theyre really careful now if they think someone might have an addictive personality about what kind of treatment they'll provide as obviously some medication really wouldn't be good for that kind of patient.