babyj I should keep trying to find a different one, it's just this one was the perfect location and last week it seems fine. I think I'm already too anxious to keep trying to find somewhere else. Anyway someone insisted I borrow a book, so now I have to go back to return it!
To begin with it was okay,there were only half the number of people there and mostly all men on like last time. (By the way, I'm now using speech recognition, so if someof the sentences don't make sense blame it on my accent) know when I'm anxious, I find it helps to do something with my hands, and Ihad taken some crochet with me. Well somebody started talking and he basically told me off and suggested I listen properly.
I can't bear to be thought of as rude, and really didn't intend to offend him. I always think I can listen and crochet at the same time, like multitasking! I think because I was already so nervous, my adrenaline was flowing, and when he said that I immediately apologised… But then about five minutes laterI burst into tears. 
I was so embarrassed, I fled the room and it was only because one of the ladies came outthat I was persuaded to go back in. In fact I had been thinking of going straight to Sainsburys and buying some wine, because alcohol softens the anxiety, and numbs the brain to help forget the awful situation. Anyway I went it back in, apologised again, but for some reason maybe my nerves were all over the place, but I continue to weep for the next hour! It was just horrific!
Right at the very end I I explained that I'd be nervous, was trying to multitask, and really did not mean to offend; the other guy also apology. But I don't know I feel quite uncomfortable with those people now – they were very kind and friendly and supportive. But I don't know if anyone remembers when I had an argument at work with a colleague, and then cried for two hours at work? It was similar feeling, my emotions just get the better of me. Sometimes I think that's why I drink, to dumb down those emotions.
Also I wasn't sure about some of the AA stuff; there was a lot of emphasis on telling your story, I was encouraged – almost badgered – to talk and I feellike what is the good in just talking. It's not like on the bus, where we have definite strategies and support, it's just listening to other people'sLife stories. And I didn't feel ready to share mine but I think that is expected. I did at least see how nervous I was and how anxiety make me a drinkmakes me drink.