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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

999 replies

venusandmars · 24/11/2015 16:31

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me Chocolate ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

OP posts:
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22
dementedma · 13/12/2015 09:52

hope have pm'd you!

lookingforhope · 13/12/2015 10:29

Cheers Ma

aliasjoey · 13/12/2015 10:57

Thanks mouse Hope you managed to get some sleep

dementedma · 13/12/2015 16:11

Quiet today. Are you all out Christmas shopping?
I am done. All bought and wrapped and sorted. Was looking forward to a peaceful afternoon writing the last cards etc by the light of the Christmas tree, but bloody dh has surfaced and put the football on.
Bitterly cold and already dark outside. We have a heavy frost and if it clouds over we can expect snow I expect.
Are you all warm and cosy?
hope are you OK?

snowvelvet · 13/12/2015 16:25

Mouse, I'm so sorry. That is is utterly horrific. I hope you recover soon and the justice that needs to be served is done so.

I'm on day 39. I'm also an active AA girl with a sponsor, so happy to discuss any of that if anyone wants to.

Yes, the hi I'm Snowvelevet and I'm an alcoholic, hi Snowvelevet response was very strange at first. I'm used to it now though.

I went to Winter Wonderland this week. It was full of booze stalls. I did feel smug in a way, which isn't helpful! I'm just someone who cannot drink normally. If I could change that I would though.

dementedma · 13/12/2015 17:28

Hi snow and well done on 39 days. That is awesome.

Fairenuff · 13/12/2015 17:31

Well done snow, 39 days is brill.

Hope you are amazing and will continue to be amazing. One day it will all come right for you, your dcs will grow up to appreciate all your efforts, wb will hopefully be long gone and you will reap your just rewards. One day, my lovely, one day...

I've been out shopping again today. Nearly finished now. Not wrapped anything yet though. Watching Disney's Aladdin instead Xmas Grin

venusandmars · 13/12/2015 19:47

Christmas, hmm, I'm at the stage where I've got most things done and feel smug and organised, but in reality I still have 2 or 3 difficult things to get. ....cue a bit of a panic on 22nd of December!!

Lookingforhope - it all sounds very tough at home, but somewhere, is there light at the end of the tunnel?

snowvelvet - do you have good ideas for managing a sober Christmas?

OP posts:
NoAprilFool · 13/12/2015 20:48

Hello

Peeking up from the sidecar. I had 34 days of sober momentum and managed to fuck it up Blush

mouse, I'm horrified by what you're having to endure. I try to believe that most people are mostly good, most of the time but things like that prove it just isn't so. Sending very gentle hugs.

spanna, how is DD? Please try not to feel guilty. I suffer from anxiety and my sister from debilitating depression but we had a lovely upbringing with fantastic parents. Not their fault. Not your fault. Big hugs to you too.

hope, I don't know what to say, other than you're lovely, WB is a WB and karma may be (very, very) slow but she usually gets there in the end.

faire thank you for such a lovely post. I needed to see it, I've been putting off posting because I just knew I would forget somebody I really wanted to say hello to.

alias well done you! Let us know when you go back.

baby, you ok? I love your posts, they're so wisdomous (channeling Joey from Friends)

Hello, hello and big hugs to all I missed. I'm in the sidecar, I'm not hopping back on the bus until January but I really am trying to drink mindfully, play the movie to the end and maybe just stop a bit earlier than I would in days gone by.

xx

obrigada · 14/12/2015 10:15

Morning babes, Day 10 for me today. I will be having a drink next Saturday as it's my annual Xmas outing with my best friend in Marco Pierres restaurant in Dublin but like April I will be drinking mindfully and will play the movie to the end.
Hope all babes doing ok this morning?

snowvelvet · 14/12/2015 17:42

A sober Christmas. Well, let's just say I hope it's not like last year - I was downing absinthe on Christmas morning to get over the last hangover and face it. As you can imagine, it didn't go well!

One of my main tips is sweet things. Alcohol really depletes your body and I craved sweet things. It makes sense when you think that alcohol is a carb and is broken down into sugars.

I've got some really nice fizzy fruit juices from Marks. They've even got the old style stopper top, so hopefully I'll have a nice popping sound!

I don't generally associate alcohol with happy times now - I know if I drink it won't be pleasant. I used to find it very easy to romanticise sitting with a glass of wine, it's Christmas etc. My drinking wasn't like that though.

If the festive atmosphere and everyone should be happy mentality gets too much, I will also toddle off to an AA meeting. They're mostly running as normal. They're also very busy at the mo as well.

On a practical level as well, I use the play it forward idea. So, I wouldn't have just one glass of wine. I would then be in the kitchen and gulping it down. I would wake the next morning with crippling anxiety and full on fear. I would have the shame and guilt - I tend to be unrecognisable when I drink from how I am sober.

Hope that helps. And hello all.

venusandmars · 14/12/2015 21:27

snowvelvet you sound very strong and resolute Smile and you are right, drinking is so romanticised at Christmas - all those adverts which show happy laughing people and tinkling laughter. They never show the hidden bottle of 'cooking' brandy that I would slurp from, they never show the shaky hand or the bloodshot eye, they never show the worried or disappointed look on other people's faces when they realised that somehow I was drunk again.

So I'm with you - looking forward to peace, and real Christmas cheer, not the bottled kind.

OP posts:
obrigada · 15/12/2015 12:36

Morning babes, bus very quiet today, hope all babes are ok?

babyjane1 · 15/12/2015 14:12

Hi lovely babes,

hi obrigada how are you girl??

faire your post the other day to the newbies was brilliant, your so awesome. Xxx

I love how faire and lovely venus's posts evoke such wisdom and calm, so does yours snow and welcome and huge well done on 39 days. You sound determined and confident in your sobriety, I admire that completely, I'm still Bambi walking through all this, have tried and failed so many times but one day at a time go I, glad you found us xxxx

hope I'm just so sad for you, life is so short and so difficult even with a good marriage. I love my dh very much but he still does my head in, I cannot imagine living with a man I detest, supporting him and still putting up with abuse. I absolutely believe you would be better off on your own with at least the possibility of future happiness, you deserve it babe xxx

spanna, April, Joey, Inside, Mouse sending you hugs xxx

dementedma · 15/12/2015 20:43

Just checking in. Hi all

SmallFox · 15/12/2015 20:58

Just checking in too.

Snow you sound like you are being so sensible and so brilliant: well done, really well done.

Hope - my thoughts are with you. You ok today?

baby - hello xx

Tired, going to bed, but sober for once

Margie32 · 15/12/2015 21:39

Hi everyone,

Sorry for radio silence, I was on a work trip with my boss which was pretty full on and since then I've been embarrassed to post because I'm on the fucking slippery boozy slope to Christmas and pretty much in free fall.

April, I fully intend to join you in January but I know I won't be able to get it together until then, my Dad's just had 2 cases of wine delivered to my house for Xmas.

Mouse, how are you doing? I can't believe what happened to you, it's like a bad dream. Surely that arsehole will get the book thrown at him?

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all coping in the pre-Xmas madness.

aliasjoey · 15/12/2015 22:28

Well that wasn't such a good meeting Sad

dementedma · 15/12/2015 22:28

Margie good to hear from you. Don't be embarrassed to post. Just keep doing your best.

Today is Dd1s birthday. She is 25!!!!! She flies home tomorrow. I think I am supposed to be excited about seeing her again, but hey ho. Never claimed to be the world's best mother...

snowvelvet · 15/12/2015 23:13

Thanks all. It's lovely to hear that I sound sensible. Ah, if only you'd seen me 6 weeks ago. Well, make that 6 weeks and 4 days ago when I ran to a hotel with a litre of vodka, unable to face the world anymore!

What happened, Aliasjoey?

Hope everyone has had or is having a good evening, whether aiming for abstinence, cutting down or whatever works for you. I've been at a meditation meeting of AA.

SmallFox · 16/12/2015 06:42

You ok, Joey? Sorry it was a bad meeting.

Ma hope it goes well, am sure it will be wonderful to see DD.

aliasjoey · 16/12/2015 09:26

Thanks fox how are you doing?

The meeting wasn't as good as last time, I just don't know if AA is my thing.

And now I'm skiving work because it's our Christmas meal and I can't bear the thought of having to make more polite conversation with people. Sad

babyjane1 · 16/12/2015 14:12

snow I shudder when I think of what I've done through drink. I become the polar opposite of my true self. I'm nasty, cruel, selfish and abusive, I'm ridiculously grateful my family have found a way to forgive me and understand that my behaviour was caused by mental illness. My last episode prompted medical intervention and a bipolar diagnoses, it all makes sense now and I'm medication for it. I live in constant fear of "the darkness" but the meds, sobriety and this bus are what keep me safe, one day at a time. Xxx

joey maybe you could try a few different meetings to find your fit. I once sat down in an AA meeting instead of the next door slimming world one, if I'd known how bad things would get further down the line I would have stayed!!! Oh the irony xxx

Big hi to everyone, be back later xx

aliasjoey · 16/12/2015 15:23

babyj I should keep trying to find a different one, it's just this one was the perfect location and last week it seems fine. I think I'm already too anxious to keep trying to find somewhere else. Anyway someone insisted I borrow a book, so now I have to go back to return it!

To begin with it was okay,there were only half the number of people there and mostly all men on like last time. (By the way, I'm now using speech recognition, so if someof the sentences don't make sense blame it on my accent) know when I'm anxious, I find it helps to do something with my hands, and Ihad taken some crochet with me. Well somebody started talking and he basically told me off and suggested I listen properly.

I can't bear to be thought of as rude, and really didn't intend to offend him. I always think I can listen and crochet at the same time, like multitasking! I think because I was already so nervous, my adrenaline was flowing, and when he said that I immediately apologised… But then about five minutes laterI burst into tears. Sad

I was so embarrassed, I fled the room and it was only because one of the ladies came outthat I was persuaded to go back in. In fact I had been thinking of going straight to Sainsburys and buying some wine, because alcohol softens the anxiety, and numbs the brain to help forget the awful situation. Anyway I went it back in, apologised again, but for some reason maybe my nerves were all over the place, but I continue to weep for the next hour! It was just horrific!

Right at the very end I I explained that I'd be nervous, was trying to multitask, and really did not mean to offend; the other guy also apology. But I don't know I feel quite uncomfortable with those people now – they were very kind and friendly and supportive. But I don't know if anyone remembers when I had an argument at work with a colleague, and then cried for two hours at work? It was similar feeling, my emotions just get the better of me. Sometimes I think that's why I drink, to dumb down those emotions.

Also I wasn't sure about some of the AA stuff; there was a lot of emphasis on telling your story, I was encouraged – almost badgered – to talk and I feellike what is the good in just talking. It's not like on the bus, where we have definite strategies and support, it's just listening to other people'sLife stories. And I didn't feel ready to share mine but I think that is expected. I did at least see how nervous I was and how anxiety make me a drinkmakes me drink.

obrigada · 16/12/2015 15:36

So much for my intention not to drink until Saturday, visited a friend and ended up drinking a bottle of red wine. No major hangover today but head very fuzzy and just want to eat crap all day.

Hugs to all babes xx

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