Brave Babes - Wrapping up for a Wonderful Winter

[venusandmars]

Hi, I am venusandmars and I've been on these threads for many years.

It can be tough at this time of year when the adverts are full of families cheerfully opening bottles of wine and good cheer, when work parties are alcohol fuelled, when distant friends call round with a bottle in hand.

Maybe you're trying to cut down a little in the pre-Christmas weeks, maybe you are struggling to know how to continue with a longer period of abstinence, maybe you are waking up after a Christmas Party feeling sick and covered in shame (or even feeling shame and covered in sick).

Whatever, whenever, if you want to stop, or cut down, or simply share your struggle with others who also feel the tug..... please join us.

Usually our lovely mouseface opens these threads, but the poor mouse is sick in hospital and so I am overcoming the technophobia that a 50-something feels.... (well done me ). Our last thread is here if you want to read the last few posts

And if you want to read the story from the beginning (you'll need a few weeks) HERE is where it all started when Jesuswhatnext posted in May 2010.

Welcome one and all x

Lovely post Venus thank you. And yes, career wise I have risen from the ashes for now - and your help gave me the courage to do that. You are the spirit behind my business! I owe you a massive thank you for arming me with the courage and advice to take the leap. It's hard work but rewarding to be doing it on my own. You embody what is so wonderful about this bus and I hope that whatever you want to do in the New Year you achieve it. I'm sure you will - and if any of us can help, we will.

Home life utterly shit though, as evidenced in the Christmas Holidays where WB was grumpy, miserable, self involved and has made less effort than ever (long ago stopped making an effort with my family and friends, now leaves me to bother with his own family as well, opting out of their get togethers and dumping me there with the kids, despite the fact that they don't like me, nor I them. I do it for the sake of the kids, but FFS!!!!!)

Catch 22 here in that I am working so hard to build up a business and pay for everyone that I can't be at home much for the kids. And of course why would he leave when everything is free in this hotel? So that's my challenge for next year. After August my money might go down but am saving up to accommodate that, and maybe when my work-life balance is restored (currently all work, no life) I will be able to act. Who knows. I hope so because I feel like I've been moaning on this thread for ages.

And Ma, don't know who is driving but it certainly won't be me until Dry January!!!! Which I'm doing by the way if anyone wants to join me.

Love to you all xxx

Another fresh start is looming. Time to forgive ourselves, learn from our mistakes and move forward with a fresh new year. Sometimes the tiny challenges are the best because we can achive them and venture on to a new one.

So whatever your hope is for the new year, I wish you every success in your endeavours. You may not succeed, but as long as you keep trying you will never fail.

Thanks for the chat and malarky over this last year and the privilege of sharing all your triumphs and tears. It's life isn't it. Just life.

And so we trundle on...

The bus may be quiet at times or it may get full to brimming so remember, babes, just jump on in and post whatever you like. You don't have to remember my name, or what I was talking about last week, how many AF days I've had or where I work. None of that matters, it's just the small stuff that we chat about to get us through the ups and downs, the quiet patches, the boredom, a place to rant or have a laugh, to get some great advice and unparalled support and, yes, to make some friends

Anyone planning on drinking tonight and looking for ways to minimise the carnage/hangover?

Venus you are an absolute inspiration to all of us - that wee small voice of calm in a turbulent world. You have been a huge support to me personally, and I deeply appreciate it. We will definitely meet up again this year - and try and get that mad bint indie to join us - along with any other Babes.
hope open a seperate account and start salting away your rainy day fund. FB2020.
faire you totally totally rock. You own Roger, the roof rack of regulation and are always there to offer a hand to the lost souls in the sidecar. Thanks for being there.

This is turning into loved up thread.....

I hope mouse joins us for the new year and any other oldies, newbies or inbetweenies who have been along for the ride.

What does the FB2020 stand for ma Free from Badger by 2020?

Pretty much Faire. It is my mantra, for me, which Ma supports me in after a few desperate sad PMs. Hoping to finally escape loveless /lonely/ abusive marriage once kids both leave home. When kids don't have to be latchkey kids for me to achieve it (the only gift WB gives us is as a physical adult presence in the home when they get in) then hopefully I can make him go.

It stands for Free By 2020. In 2020 dd will be at 6th Form, ds at Uni. Resigned to working round the clock and years of toil as sole financer of my family, but will be much happier doing it when I can come home to a house where I feel safe (ie alone), where I don't sit outside screwing up the courage to go in and see what the mood is, despite the fact that I paid for and own the house and pay all the bills (and buy most of the food, though after walking to shops tonight and buying crumpets, waffles and pitta bread for breakfast, WB had screaming tantrum that I didn't buy an actual loaf. Even though I asked him if there was anything he wanted. He didn't say loaf when I asked, but told the kids I was a selfish bitch who had no eyes to see what was needed).

I have been sat in the bedroom for last few hours after the tantrum about me buying the wrong type of bread products so staying out of the way before going to NYE party which he won't go to. He likes to isolate me. Usually leaves the kids to me but after a row will get out a DVD and pull snacks together and then get the kids there and make a point of saying to me afterwards that it was a great night and he was glad I wasn't there.

Drinking Gin also. I am a successful businesswoman and good mum and friend. I do not need to be the person swigging secret bedroom gin. And yet I am. I feel so isolated by his behaviour. Have paid for him since 1995. Listened to how all his previous employers / girlfriends / friends were mental and malevolent. how everything that is wrong in his life is down to others. Want to divorce and have told him many times, but am gaslighted and told my misgivings about our marriage are my fault, and it is fine (it's not, he sleeps on the couch most nights). My life is wrong, but scared to upheave my kids (and also guilty about the fact that their template for marriage is so dysfunctional I can't justify it.)

So FB2020. If only I can find the strength.

for looking but also I think that is a really positive end to 2015, to share the truth about the awfulness and be explicit about what you want for the future - if is all part of the manifestation process that WILL make it happen. Every step is a step closer.

You never know what's around the corner hope. It might be 2020, it might be sooner than that. You have already taken the first steps. Keep going, we are all with you x

What an honest post hope. Give yourself credit for achieving all that you do with him weighing you down.

I'm drinking and have been on a daily basis for about 2 weeks. Mostly in moderation (with a couple of exceptions) but I'm utterly sick of it, and of me when I drink.

So, thats it. After splitting this bottle with DH, I'm off to bed early and will not be drinking tomorrow.

Have a lovely New Year when it comes you wonderful lot and I hope for truly great things for you all in 2016.

I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just eating and celebrating with loved ones then I'll be back for chatter xxx

What an amazing year we've all had in one way or another hey?

Mouse xxx

I can't believe it's only 10 o'clock. Can I go to bed yet?

Vol-au-vent anyone?

Hey mouse. One hell of a year huh?
I will actually be glad when tomorrow comes and I can give my bloated self "permission" to stop drinking and lose some weight.
April good to see you. We can be buddies for Dry January.
joey you out there? How's things?
baby are you OK?
Big shouts to beaches, spanna, ladame, Margie ( are you still with us babe?),rural, indie,khalisi, small, wry, socfish and all the others. Add on those who I have missed. Not intentional, just got a head like a sieve!

Going to sleep now. Here's to tomorrow... and tomorrow....and tomorrow.
Dry January, here we come

Thank u so much Ma I thought everyone had forgotten about me.

We don't forget Margie, we just appreciate that some people like to lurk and join in when they're ready (if ever) but you are still one of us whether you post or not x

Are you doing ok?

Ooooh look, Margie, you were the first person to post on the bus this year

How are you doing margie?

Happy New Year to you all. DD up at her usual 5am so I'm delighted I managed moderation last night and am feeling the best I've felt on 1st January for over 20 years .

I will not be drinking today. Who's with me?

Count me in April.
Happy New Year to all the Babes.
Gently places Alka Seltzer's and Paracetamol on dashboard.
mouse will be round later with a fry up.

Happy New Year to all babes:) quiet Xmas here with only one nights overindulgence. Mostly spent alcohol free.

I'm with you April. Apologies for self-centered, whingy post at past-midnight, that's me after God knows how much gin, wine and bubbles. Just like you said April, I'm sick of myself when I drink.

Hope, sending you a big hug, hope 2016 is a much better one for you.

Happy New Year to all the Babes.

Happy New Year to all Babes. Quiet night last night, AF for Dry January - I'm in.

Morning All & a very Happy New Year to all of you lovely Brave Babes

Where's Beeches with her clip board, she's a babe who does like a list

Count me in April very happy to support you all Well done on moderating April I remember the disturbed nights and early mornings with DD2. She used to wake every 3 hours until she was 3yo!! Having had DD1 who slept through the night from 3 weeks old, it was all a bit of a shock to the system.

Ma your shopping day sounded lush and well done you for buying some stuff for you and only you

Hope my darling, must be unbearable with wankbadger. As you've said you've got 'a plan' in place, you may even find the strength and will to get him to leave before 2020 (I really hope so)
Have you ever thought of an au pair to be there when the kids come home, they could clean, cook, babysit, do your shopping, maybe do some of the sports runs for the kids (all for bed, food and approx £50 a week spending money) that could work quite well with the right person. I wish you all the strength in the world to just keep going, you're on the right track and you're doing sooooo well. I wish your business every success for this year x

Baby how are you honey? we've not heard from you in a bit. How was your crimbo? big squeeze for you x

Fox welcome back honey, are you with us for Dry Jan?

A massive thank you to this lovely bus and the babes who ride in him. I wouldn't have been able to stay sober if it wasn't for you lot. I've had so many failed attempts and your support and encouragement have kept me going.

The one line that always sticks in the back of my head and really works for me is 'watch the film to the end'

Just wanted to say Hello and Happy New Year to all the lovely babes who've not been posting recently. Love to you all xxx

Bonjour bébés et Bonne Annee xxx

Hello Margie, Obrigada & JWIM sorry x-posted with you all, takes me so flipping long to write my posts x

Bonjour Ladame good to see you Bonne Annee to you too x

Bonjour to you too lovely Ladame, how's your veg patch?

Count me in for Dry January please.

I read an articule that about it and they did a study on the impact of attempting dry Jan.

The most successful were those that were usually moderate drinkers.
63% of women completed the whole month
100% drank less afterwards.

Joey are you joining us? Isinde?

Love to all babes, please just give us a wave if you're around x