I'm furious and I don't know what to do now.

[Hurr1cane]

I've been in a relationship with DP for a long time now. Started off very slowly as I have a DS who is disabled, both physical and learning disabilities and has an array of health problems. But we decided a couple of months ago to work towards moving in together so his house is on the market and we are sorting mine out.

Anyway, basically DP works nights, he used to work Monday to Friday and was on about changing his working week to Sunday- Thursday so we could spend some alone time together, as DS is at his dad's Friday nights and Saturday days. I thought this would be great. His work agreed to the change of hours.

Anyway he changed his mind when a job came up somewhere else he wanted to work, the job he wanted meant we would see even less of each other but I never mentioned that, it was what he wanted in a job that mattered most, so I threw myself into helping him get it, re wrote his CV, did all the computer stuff he needed to do (the job is nothing to do with computers and he is useless with them) and he got the job.

Job means that one week in every 3 he doesn't get a day off. He would never get Friday nights off. This weekend was one that he didn't get a day off, so I planned a massive clean on Saturday.

DP rang Saturday lunch time and asked where I was and why I hadn't come to see him, I didn't know that was what he wanted but I dropped everything and went round for an hour, for which we walked his dogs in the freezing cold, and he spent the rest of the time faffing about with chores and not really talking to me.

Then later, on his break from work, he called and said he'd come to mine straight from work, at 1am. I said he could and went to bed, he came in and woke everyone up, so I went and dealt with DS and then got back in bed and we went to sleep.

This morning DS went to respite for 2 hours, the respite isn't for me, I didn't want it, as DS has a shortened life I want to spend every second with him, but he was getting much too reliant on me and wouldn't go to anyone else so SS wanted him to have respite with one trusted person so that's what he does.

When he went, DP was in a mood and kept snapping at me, we went to his and I started making us both breakfast and suggested we take DS and his dogs out for a walk later, he said he wanted to take them with me now and I said I didn't have enough time as I had to get back forDS. He then got arsey and said that there wasn't enough time for us to spend alone together and 2 hours wasn't enough and I needed more, when I told him I didn't want more he shouted at me (he's never shouted before) looming over me and said that it wasn't fair on him then and that he was in the relationship for me although he loved DS he never got to see me alone.

Anyway I pointed out that he took the job that meant he wasn't free when I was and that was his choice and I wasn't moaning so he didn't really have a leg to stand on and he kept shouting at me until I just walked out and drove home.

That was over an hour ago. I haven't heard from him since. DS will be so gutted if he leaves now. I was so careful about not introducing them until things were serious. I feel like a shit mum as well as gutted that the lovely kind man I fell for turned into a nasty brute within a day.

They have absolutely no idea at all yet, he's had 4 EEGs, 2 MRIs, one with dye in his blood, a lumber puncture, skin biopsy, everything. He seems to have a lot of neurological problems but none of them seem to link in a way that would indicate one specific disorder, he is also absolutely perfect looking, nothing at all wrong with his measurements. His legs are a bit bowed but that's because of the way he walks on his feet they think. He can't walk too far without his legs hurting, but he can climb and balance like a pro. He has seizures that aren't epileptic, he has a fantastic diet yet very poor bowels.

If you looked at him you'd think he was a perfectly healthy child. But when you speak to him and look at what's happening 'underneath the skin' he really isn't. It's very odd.

That must be so difficult because you have very little to compare to i imagine in terms of other people with the condition, as I guess they don't really know what the condition is. Thankfully for him, you are him mum xx

I appreciate you say that this is completely out of character and he has had some sort of 'breakdown'.

What stood out to me though was he said he has been thinking about this for months and now it has all come tumbling out. It's not like you had a one-off argument and he said something in the heat of the moment. Your son's issues have been worrying him for a long time. It's difficult to retract those comments now isn't it.

I see what you mean. And I'm not going to excuse what he said. But I also need to think about this logically. Echolalia can be irritating, even to parents, it's one of the most talked about topics next to a meltdown situation that affects parents. It doesn't bother me, but I do tend to have infinite patience for these things (and zero patience for anything like what happened the other day) I'm not the kind of person who will tolerate being spoken to badly or shouted at, I'm not easily intimidated or manipulated as well he knows. It would take someone a lot smarter than him to pull the wool over my eyes.

In other news, I've been giving my DS folic acid on the advice of another parents and I'm convinced I can see a marked improvement of which I couldn't see when starting the other supplements, his speech has improved and he's even using his hands better.

That's fantastic re. the folic acid, Hurr1cane - hope it continues to show improvement (But small caveat, which I'm sure you don't need really, is that often the improvements plateau and may even slip back slightly as the body reaches appropriate folic acid levels.)

Oh that's quite hopeful, isn't it? I hope he continues to improve with the supplement.

Echolalia. One of my DS's things. In fact one of the pointers to his other non CP issues. Never found it irritating, neither has anyone else who cares about him.

It doesn't irritate me. But I support a lot of parents and it does get to a lot of them.

In other news, (sorry to de rail) but DS has just drank 4 pints of water in half an hour. He doesn't usually drink at all in the mornings but drinks water regularly throughout the day, the normal amount I'd say, but 4 pints in one go seems very excessive.

Never mind. He's thrown it all back up. Now I have to work out if he threw up because he's over loaded himself with water, or if he's got a bug. 2 hours before we have to set off for school. It did smell sicky, wild it smell sicky if it was just whatever he ate and drank coming straight back up?

Op, I just wanted to say that your dp sounds human. Even the parents of a child who does not have any health issues can be driven to saying awful things about their child when driven to the depths of despair, that is not to excuse it at all but in context of it being totally out of character, I think your decision about waiting a month is a really good one. You sound totally in control and are your son's biggest advocate, you clearly won't accept anything less than the best for him and yourself. I hope it all works out for you.

Thank you, I won't accept anything less. But this is the man who offered to throw his savings at getting DS seen privately (I refused, he already has excellent care it's just slower on the NHS, but being 5 years in and already on the only studies available I don't see anything speeding things up) he's also sat in hospital with him while I slept, taken the day off work to drive us to a hospital for tests which was far away, looked after DS when I was poorly, all without being asked (in fact I'm quite fiercely independent and would never ever ask for help and will often refuse it).

These aren't the actions of a man who resents my child, but after talking to him, I think he's using me as a measuring stick for his ability to help DS, and that is a stupid thing to do, firstly because my career is based around children's development, secondly because I've dedicated my life to DS and children like him, so it would be like me measuring my maths skills against someone with a PHD or something. But he started thinking he was shit and no good because he couldn't do what I can. But he doesn't have to, DS is my son and I don't expect him to be his carer, I am. He can carry on just the way he is because I already think that what he does for a child who isn't his own is amazing. Even DSsdad isn't fantastic, but he loves DS and that's what matters most to me.

I am worried about him to be honest.

I started reading this thread feeling quite sure and 'Ltb' about your partner but have changed my mind. I know what he did was shit but it sounds like he knows that too. My son was sectioned and hospitalised for two Years over 200 miles away and I did that trip at least twice a week for an hour. The strain on myself and dp was huge....We all say things we don't mean in times of stress.
I think the waiting and 'proofs in the pudding' approach is a wise move. None of us are perfect.....

Just read about ds and the water. I hope he's OK, I'm not medical, but have some hazy idea that the smell will depend upon how long the food has had to begin being digested and how much bile was mixed in with th, er, cocktail of what came up. No help at all, I'm afraid.

But I just wanted to sit quietly with you while you decided what to do, and then did it. Hoping you're not amxiously holding a bowl for the poor lamb.

He didn't have a temperature and the rest of his stats were fine and he carried on eating for the rest of the morning with no issue so I sent him in, just called and he's absolutely fine. So just him being a greedy guts with the water it looks like. thanks for asking.