How do I gently tell my friend I'm annoyed and don't want to socialise with her again?

[Shameandregret]

I typed out a long thread and it went kaput so here's a shorter version. My friend has let me down on nights out a few times recently. She has this habit of throwing herself at any man who pays me even the slightest but of attention. I haven't been bothered because I'm getting over my abusive marriage and I pretty much dislike and distrust all men so I just think fair play to her if that is what floats her boat. She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home. Again fine, have had other things to deal with.

Last night was different though, I've been bumping into this guy for a while. He's nice and last night made it clear (I think??) that he was interested. He was putting his arm round me, talking to me, putting his head on my shoulder etc. We moved to another pub and he and his friends followed us and sat with us, I went to the toilet. I came back and my friend was sat on his knee.

I got my coat and left because I'm not going to get into competition for a man with my friend and walked home alone. I was upset but thought I was being petty and silly. Then I got a text this morning off her that said 'I have a man sleeping in my bed haha'.

I don't know why but this has really pissed me off. I'm not willing to engage in this anymore and don't want to socialise with her again. I've been ignoring her today and I've had voicemails and texts from her so I feel like I should say something. Any ideas how I could word it without sounding like a complete moron?

Well done OP, you handled it perfectly. If you see her around just be polite but busy and refuse to engage. She'll be mad but you really don't need people like her (or him) in your life.

I'd have to say something before I dropped her like a steaming turd. I'd text something like "Every time we go out and a man shows me the slightest bit of attention, you spend the rest of the night offering yourself to them on a plate, and dump me. It's not a friendship, it's a competition to you. Well done, you win. I'm not willing to engage anymore and don't want to socialise with you again. I'm way above that. See you around".

Then block, delete, and be perfectly polite and icy cold with her.

I can't do drama, I'm too tired.

There's your reply, right there.

"She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home."
Targetting any man who shows interest in you is pathetic and highlights that at some level she sees you as competition to be beaten. But the above quote is, for me, the reason she is such a crap frenemy. She doesn't socialise with you because she wants to spend time with you; you're just there to keep her company until she achieves her goal and then you can piss off. You're not being treated as a friend but as an accessory (akin to high heels or a handbag), something to adorn herself with and attract attention to her, her, her. She's then happy to let you make your own way home, dumped by her again. She's so indifferent to your happiness and comfort it's like your a thing to her rather than a person .

You're well shot of her.

As if she is trying to lie her way around the issue and make herself out to be the victim. You have to laugh, really

You're going places with your life OP, well done to you .You've now got the measure of this woman , you've grieved the loss of a friend ,who wasn't ( pseudo friend) you've sent the txt. that you needed to send . Distance yourself now , move on with dignity .

Well I've deleted and blocked her number. She was sending me dramatic messages saying 'Don't you realise this is killing me?'

So I just said 'I can't be bothered with the drama. It's best just to avoid each other from now on. Take care and good luck.' Then blocked and deleted. I won't be engaging with her anymore. You are right whereyouleftit she didn't give a flying frig that I had to walk home in that storm on my own on Sat night.

I didn't say this in the OP because it wasn't the issue but she's persued and been sleeping with a man who has got a fiancee too so every time I feel guilty for blocking her I just think 'She's not a nice person.'

Good riddance to bad rubbish! She is a self-absorbed, immature, insecure cow. What a loser. Yep, she doesn't give a toss about your well-being. She's not a nice person at all. I feel sorry for her kids.

She really isn't a nice person OP. I had a similar friend, it didn't take long to cut her loose. She just couldn't help herself!

She is not a happy person: she needs to feel she's winning over other people's love interests in order to boost her ego. Pity her and wish internally for her to find her way to healthier self esteem. But don't involve yourself with her until she's proved she can treat you with kindness and respect.

People like that toy with you to cause even more pain ... wasnt enough to bulldoze in, wasnt enough to see you leave, wasnt enough to send you a wind up text....she has to keep on texting and calling until she gets a response from you and gets off on hearing the pain she has out you through...

...dont give it to her...ignore/block - she does not deserve a response.

The drunk excuse doesn't cut it because she texted you the next day gloating about the man in her bed! Was she still drunk?!

I had a friend identical to this....identical. I let her go. After five years or so, she got in touch and I saw her again. She hadn't stopped - I booked a days holiday to see her and she cut short our 'reunion' lunch early to go and flirt with a random guy (she is married). I just stopped messaging her. I don't miss her, I have to say. She was insecure and used me as company until she could get the attention of men, and when that goal was achieved, dumped me and ran. Who needs that in life? Cut her loose.

nice answer, shame&regret! good for you x

Good for you OP! What an utter bitch.

Best thing to do, OP - well done. Be prepared for her to blank you next time you see her though; and she might say bad things about you behind your back, but you can't do anything about that until/unless it happens.

Definitely the right thing to do though

TBH any man that really liked you wouldn't do that so he wasn't worth it. She is what she is a good time girl who can be fun to go out with but a bit dangerous. Your expectations are too high and you shouldn't be surprised.

Glad you made a stand and blocked her.

i'd put out what she does before you dump her as she will retaliate with her version.

You've done the right thing. She was a shit friend. I had one just like it. She slept with my ExH (whilst we were married) and another friends DH. I no longer have her as a friend and my life is infinitely better without the constant drama.

Good for you!

Some women are so insecure that their only ego boost is to pull men. There's also a subset of such women who get an extra thrill from pulling men who are already attached. They get some sort of power kick out of "making him cheat".

You're well rid - of both of them.

I'm studying psychology so it's a bit of revision really

Way to make lemonade!