How do I gently tell my friend I'm annoyed and don't want to socialise with her again?

[Shameandregret]

I typed out a long thread and it went kaput so here's a shorter version. My friend has let me down on nights out a few times recently. She has this habit of throwing herself at any man who pays me even the slightest but of attention. I haven't been bothered because I'm getting over my abusive marriage and I pretty much dislike and distrust all men so I just think fair play to her if that is what floats her boat. She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home. Again fine, have had other things to deal with.

Last night was different though, I've been bumping into this guy for a while. He's nice and last night made it clear (I think??) that he was interested. He was putting his arm round me, talking to me, putting his head on my shoulder etc. We moved to another pub and he and his friends followed us and sat with us, I went to the toilet. I came back and my friend was sat on his knee.

I got my coat and left because I'm not going to get into competition for a man with my friend and walked home alone. I was upset but thought I was being petty and silly. Then I got a text this morning off her that said 'I have a man sleeping in my bed haha'.

I don't know why but this has really pissed me off. I'm not willing to engage in this anymore and don't want to socialise with her again. I've been ignoring her today and I've had voicemails and texts from her so I feel like I should say something. Any ideas how I could word it without sounding like a complete moron?

sorry I made a really hash of that last sentence with crappy editing but you get the gist!

I'd be tempted to text "You have a man in your bed, but no longer have me as a friend as I can no longer tolerate your behaviour."

Then block and ignore no need for any further explanations.

I wouldn't confront her. You will gain nothing.

I once had a friend likes this. She also put me down and made nasty jokes about me in front of potential partners.

She ridiculed me and laughed when I confronted her, saying it was harmless fun and she couldn't help being so sexy and everyone's favourite

I cut her out completely. Toxic friends will poison you.

She sounds very immature. I couldn't be doing with her. I don't think you should be gentle, just be honest. Btw its the man's loss.

Id a friend who did that to me when we were 17, 18, 19.

i regret not telling her fuck off and when she got there, fuck off again. She thinks I had some 'unreasonable strop' when I cut her off.

What a bitch, you don't need friends like this in your life. I like the dodged a bullet reply.

Eek - I misread the OP I thought she was chucking herself at any man who showed HER attention...but it's any man who likes YOU. How dickish.
What have her texts/voicemails been saying?

She's an insecure attention-seeker who prioritises sexual validation from a man over her female friends. I'd tell her that and ask her not to call me again. It's a completely vile thing to do. Please value yourself more than this woman does.

It's sad about the guy. He may yet realise his mistake but whether he does or not don't think too much about him.

Focus on you, what you need and what you deserve

I agree with Buttercup's approach - send an innocuous "Glad you had fun xx" response and then just get rid. Anything else and she'll feign innocence and claim she's just irresistible to men!

Ok, your friend's rubbish and yes I would just avoid her until she gets the message. Are you sure the guy in her bed was the guy you liked though? It doesn't sound like she's that discerning so perhaps it was someone else? Cut her loose for sure, but if you do like him, don't jump to the conclusion that he was just after a shag until you know it to be fact.

Loving Leavings reply. Something along those lines would work well, although might cause too much drama.

As for this bloke, don't go there.

'Ah! that's nice! which one was it? A from the first bar, B the one you hit on in xxx or C the one I was chatting to, he and his friends seemed all right. Which ones did you take home?'

Text back "Was it a particular man, or will anybody do?"

You don't have to reply to her at all if you don't want to.

If your friend is 14 years old, then you can forgive. Any later, and just drop her, it's ridiculous. She is not a friend, you deserve better in your life

she sounds like my sister its shitty behaviour im nc with her now i have grown up she didn't

just ignore block delete that will piss her off

I have a friend like this. She even raised eyebrows at my hen do by flirting with the tour guide (we went to a zoo) then ended up having a FB Fling with him, telling me all about how she needed him desperately and how he wanted her. She does this with a lot of guys. I so don't care, it's sad and desperate. I just ignore when she starts. No reply to her messages. She soon gets the hint and drops it.

I am pissed off a lot today, at myself as well as her so probably best to sleep on it.

I've been doing so much work on my twat radar, done the freedom project etc and lots of talking therapy with my domestic abuse worker but last night showed me my boundaries still aren't great.

She is massively insecure. She's always banging on about how 'hot' I am (I'm really not but really, who cares?) and she's openly said she's jealous because I'm doing a masters and she's never studied.

I'm annoyed because I've really supported her with her marriage breakdown, looked after her kids for her etc and I've absorbed her into my friendship group because she didn't grow up round here. I took her to her first festival and gig etc this year. I've been a good friend .

You have been a good friend...but she has used you.

Are you sure it's the same fella? Could be someone different?

Either way, she's sounds insecure and spiteful. I would be brutally honest as to why she's upset you then cut her off.

I don't know for certain who was in her bed but I guess it was him because when he walked into the pub she said 'Oh some talents just walked in' and I laughed and said That's the guy I was telling you about that I've talked to in X the past few weeks. She didn't seem interested in any of his friends.

Unfortunately our dc's go to the same school and we live in the same village so I see her frequently, can't just block and ignore.

I feel like taking the high road just makes me look a bit gutless. I kind of promised myself I'd stop allowing people to shit on me this year. If I don't point it out to her I'd be annoyed with myself.

As for the guy, there is no way I'm interested in him now as his friend checked I was okay and he obviously gave no fucks. Men just seem to validate my low opinion of them. I hate feeling this like this.

Just reply: "yes, i got home safely after leaving the pub and catching bus alone, thanks for asking BFF xxx"

what a twat. I'd tell her clearly why you don't want anything else to do with her. then block her number and ignore her with your head held high every time you see her.

I'd text back: 'Good for you, you needed that.'

I'm in a similar position today, a friend I have been a good friend to who has turned out to be taking the major piss on a gargantuan scale. As your 'friend' is. She is not your friend, I hope you get that. Not only has she fucked you over - repeatedly, in many ways - but she gloats the next day. Dear me, get RID.

Don't bother with gentle ffs. She is poison. Just cut her out. She's not worth your breath.

Your boundaries will get stronger over time (I've also been in an abusive relationship, did a lot of work). I still get caught out but 1. There are dicks about and 2. I'm a kind sort. But once it becomes clear someone is taking the piss they are OUT.