How do I gently tell my friend I'm annoyed and don't want to socialise with her again?

[Shameandregret]

I typed out a long thread and it went kaput so here's a shorter version. My friend has let me down on nights out a few times recently. She has this habit of throwing herself at any man who pays me even the slightest but of attention. I haven't been bothered because I'm getting over my abusive marriage and I pretty much dislike and distrust all men so I just think fair play to her if that is what floats her boat. She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home. Again fine, have had other things to deal with.

Last night was different though, I've been bumping into this guy for a while. He's nice and last night made it clear (I think??) that he was interested. He was putting his arm round me, talking to me, putting his head on my shoulder etc. We moved to another pub and he and his friends followed us and sat with us, I went to the toilet. I came back and my friend was sat on his knee.

I got my coat and left because I'm not going to get into competition for a man with my friend and walked home alone. I was upset but thought I was being petty and silly. Then I got a text this morning off her that said 'I have a man sleeping in my bed haha'.

I don't know why but this has really pissed me off. I'm not willing to engage in this anymore and don't want to socialise with her again. I've been ignoring her today and I've had voicemails and texts from her so I feel like I should say something. Any ideas how I could word it without sounding like a complete moron?

You could text back "Thank you! As you know I rather liked him. I am so grateful that you will test guys I like for me to see whether they are sleazebags who'll go off with my mate or not. Another bullet dodged."

"Fuck Off" should do it?

Even before I got to the bit about this guy last night, it was clear that she is not a good friend. Sounds like you have been having a tough time, but rather than giving you support and friendship on a night out, she is using you for company just until she finds a man who is interested?! The fact that these are guys you like is just another level on top of an already shitty friend.

How about "I promised myself I'd stop allowing people to shit on me this year..." You have clearly identified that's what is happening and you have a right to have friends who respect you and make you feel good about yourself (calling you hot and being jealous of you don't really count when she's acting like this).

Good luck, it will take some bravery but you will be better off without her in the long run.

The man's friend sounds a nicer guy though..... It's not always the good looking confident ones who are the keepers.

It does upset me when people think that attention from a stranger of the opposite sex is worth ditching their actual friends over.

I would replyhope it was worth losing a friendship over, please do not contact me againslag

Thanks for all your help MN. I've sent this as I had another voicemail off her.

'Did you get off with XXX? I got home fine but I was a bit upset that you regularly seem to prioritise getting off with a man over being a decent friend.'

No response, surprise!

I felt like I had to say something because it's shitty behaviour and as she doesn't have many friends, she might start to look at why.

Walking home alone in a storm & crying isn't the sign of a mutually supportive and respectful friendship is it. I'm done with it.

tell her you don't need users in your life and wont be going out with her so she can use you to pull dicks.

Unfortunately our dc's go to the same school and we live in the same village so I see her frequently, can't just block and ignore.'

Yes, you can. Or just use one of the responses here and then block her. You are under no obligation to ever give her the time of day again.

X-post!

Good for you!

And just don't go out with her again. You so don't need this! You're worth so much more than a silly ho like this.

I hope her DCs aren't there when she's bringing home all these random one night stands.

You can be frosty though. I'm amazed how good I am at being generally cold! The lights are out, basically. No-one's home. That person no longer exists in my life.

You can do it op

I know Trills I really really don't understand it. A drunken shag seems to be way more important to some people.

She'd told me off earlier in the night for talking to my other friend, who she doesn't know, about a court case I've got coming up (I was raped as child). She said I shouldn't discuss it on a night out. My friend had asked me a question so I answered it but it was spoiling her night

I'm sure now I've done the right thing. Thank you all and expat your last sentence made me

she's not a good friend is she?

scatterthenuns' reply is brilliant:

'Good for you, you needed that.'

So proud of you! You have what it takes!

ah x-posted. good response.

She's a crap friend, remove her from your life.

You sent a really good reply, well done (although I wouldn't have told her I was upset, more annoyed, but that's just me).

I wish you could have started it off with "What do you want, a medal to add to your collection?"

Honestly, forget her. She just sounds like incredibly hard work.

That you liked this guy is beside the point. Going out with a juvenile friend who drops you in order to get off repeatedly with men in bars, ignoring you/whether you're having a good evening or not until she sends her morning after texts is not a friendship worth having.

This doesn't require gentleness, it requires firmness. You deserve better.

Your reply was perfect. And to be honest it's good that she's not responded. Just let things drift and be vague. I would say something to any mutual friends though. Nothing too specific, just in case her insecurity is such that she tries to 'steal' them and cut you off from them.

she's a shit friend. ditch the bitch.

Lord, she wins shit mate of the year award.

Your response was perfect, I hope she's ashamed of herself.

And she doesn't have many friends? Can't think why!

She sounds like a bit of a slag.

I'd leave her to her own devices, maybe with a: "you have issues, don't bother contacting me until you've worked through them!", if I could be bothered.