How do I gently tell my friend I'm annoyed and don't want to socialise with her again?

[Shameandregret]

I typed out a long thread and it went kaput so here's a shorter version. My friend has let me down on nights out a few times recently. She has this habit of throwing herself at any man who pays me even the slightest but of attention. I haven't been bothered because I'm getting over my abusive marriage and I pretty much dislike and distrust all men so I just think fair play to her if that is what floats her boat. She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home. Again fine, have had other things to deal with.

Last night was different though, I've been bumping into this guy for a while. He's nice and last night made it clear (I think??) that he was interested. He was putting his arm round me, talking to me, putting his head on my shoulder etc. We moved to another pub and he and his friends followed us and sat with us, I went to the toilet. I came back and my friend was sat on his knee.

I got my coat and left because I'm not going to get into competition for a man with my friend and walked home alone. I was upset but thought I was being petty and silly. Then I got a text this morning off her that said 'I have a man sleeping in my bed haha'.

I don't know why but this has really pissed me off. I'm not willing to engage in this anymore and don't want to socialise with her again. I've been ignoring her today and I've had voicemails and texts from her so I feel like I should say something. Any ideas how I could word it without sounding like a complete moron?

Good going OP. You don't need "friends" like this.

She must have some serious insecurities if she feels the need to pull any man that shows you a bit of attention.

I'd drop her.

She obviously feels inferior to you and so looks for reassurance that she's not by deliberately setting out to set herself up in competition against you for each man's attention -she feels she 'wins' by getting them.

Drop her, she doesn't actually like you, she wants to compete with you.

She's insecure and likes to cut you down in order to feel briefly superior.

It's the same mechanism that abusers use.

You do not need this woman in your life.

I got a response from her that she was so sorry but she was really drunk and didn't know he was flirting with me or that I liked him?!?! Utter lies. I don't want to be gentle with her now. I hate liars.

Oh FFS just ignore her... As soon as you posted the other info about your friendship I guessed she was insecure.

Ignore and block.

Of course it's lies. She went after him because you liked him and he fancied you back.

Block and ignore - she won't admit wrong, she won't apologise. She hasn't enough inner strength to survive admitting wrong.

yes i'd be inclined to ignore her and let her stew over it for a while. Next time she wants to go out with you just avoid her texts or be non-committal and say you are busy for a few weeks.

Just ignore her now. She knows you're cross and she knows why. A text argument is just drama.
When you see her be polite but keep your distance.

What about all the other occasions she made a play for a man that was showing an interest in you? Was that all down to drink to? If so, she has a bucket load of problems that need addressing.

I don't know if it worth engaging with her or not, will it make you feel better?

Frankly, you don't even need to be polite but distant when you see her face-to-face.

I find that saying "I'm not interested" works as a response to any undesired conversation starter. And you can just keep repeating it to any follow-up until they give up.

I used to know somebody like this. She ended up getting herpes.

Are you sure it was the same man? Could have been a different one or one she met later on in the night. . If it is him just tell her she acted like a bitch.

Fuck the pair of them. You're better than both of them put together. I'm sorry your friend turned out to be so shit.

I hope you find a nicer person to go out with

Id have text just the one? ... hope shes got the message, you were honest with her, and a reality check is always a good thing.

You are all so right. I can't be bothered engaging with her. She obviously doesn't care because her response is all about her and how she feels bad now. I can't do drama, I'm too tired.

I'm going to have some and a and marvel at the complexity of human interactions. I'm studying psychology so it's a bit of revision really

I'd just text back to her and say "okay" and then block and ignore. As others have said, she isn't a friend.

"I was drunk" is not an excuse.

If she behaves badly when drunk then you are entitled to not choose to spend time with her (drunk or otherwise).

She doesn't feel bad at all.
She'll be keeping score- Shite-mate: 1, Shameandregret: 0, thinking she's 'won' some competition. You're right to leave her to her teenage games. Have some from me.

Oh tricky. I guess if you want people to get the picture, then. You have to be honest. Not easy I know but what else can you do, and the worse that will happen. Is that she'll fall out with you, which is what you want any way.
However I can see both sides. She seems very insecure, and seems to crave male attention and approval and if you're honest where you albeit unintentionally rubbing salt in the wounds about the guy fancying you. Did you again unintentislly make her jealous..

However now on to your side of the story. You have just came out of an abusive relationship. And some one pays you attention. If it were my friend I'd be delighted for her. I wouldn't be sitting on the mans knee. They was beyond insensitive.
And as for texting you. I've got a man in my bed. How old is she 16,

I remember many years ago a male friend came to visit and I invited him along to the pub where I was going to meet some people that I knew slightly. This one woman in the pub was really making a play for my friend until she realised that he wasn't my boyfriend and then she dropped him like a hot brick.

Your "friend" sounds like this, not so much interested in the sex as in competing with you.

Yeah, some friend she is, NOT.

Best option is to drop her, but still be civil at school, obviously - just say that you've grown out of going to the pub and watching her throw herself at anything in trousers. Don't even make it about you, even though in her head it clearly IS about competing with you - just make it about her behaviour and you not needing to watch it any more.

She's done you a favour in one way - shown that this guy who was supposedly interested in you is just another player - but really, in the final analysis, you're better off without either of them.

Hi OP, your reply was very well worded.

Sorry to hear you have been through so much.

That guy seems a twunt and he was clearly out for an easy lay, so it's good you saw him for what he really is early on.

I understand your dc go to school together and you'll see her around the village but you will have to cool your attitude to her considerably. As others said, lights on but no one's at home. Smile absentmindedly when she accost you, then say you've got to run. Keep to yourself or seek out other mums, if she tries to join just blank her.

Be strong, you can do it. This woman is toxic and will feed off your kindness and suck you dry.

I had a friend like this years ago. When she came up to visit me at Uni she threw herself at my boyfriend. She was really confused when he didn't reciprocate. I kept him and dumped her. Some people get their sense of worth from attracting sexual partners, particularly if they're being chosen over another person. She's no friend but it's also a good indicator that he wasn't worth your time.

She's a loser. Maybe text back, 'Okay'. Or nothing. But either way, dump her entirely. What a bitch. She knew damn well what she was doing.