would someone being 'separated' put you off?

[ToddlerTantrums]

Just read on another thread someone saying that if a new potential partner was 'separated' and not divorced it would put them off. I'm separated and it had never occurred to me that it would be an issue for a new partner? I'm not looking for a relationship right now so not an immediate issue just wondering?

[ALaughAMinute]

What happens when a person who is separated dies? Who inherits?

[TooSassy]

Depends on what you're looking for.

Dating with a view to LTR? Under those circumstances here's my view

If they are separated and haven't yet started process then no I wouldn't date.
If they are separated and undergoing mediation / it's amicable and they have got the ball rolling then yes.
If separated and there is anger/bitterness about the spouse. Wide berth.
Equally if separated and still under the same roof.

OP if you are filing for unreasonable behaviour you have to file within 6 months of the last incident otherwise you cannot file as that. So if something has been discovered , I.e proof of an affair and he then stops. File straightaway.

[mintoil]

It would put me off. I would see it as unfinished business.

A friend of mine is currently going through a terrible time. Her partner died, and his wife (they never divorced) is claiming half my friends house (she co owned it with her partner) as part of his assets. As there are dependent children with the wife, and no will, it's a really dodgy situation.

[MuttonCadet]

Unfortunately Min that's not a complicated situation in law. His wife inherits his estate.

[TheFallenMadonna]

My parents got divorced over a decade after they separated. My mum was living with her "new" partner of 8 or so years. It just occurred to them that if one of them were to die, the finances would be a bit bonkers.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Oh, spots with mintoil. Sorry for being flip about it when there are people going through it for real.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Spots? Xpost...

[TheFallenMadonna]

Not xpost in fact. Just not reading 'til the end. Feel bad now!

[Colourmylife1]

My husband left in January to live with OW. The divorce will take some time as in Scotland you need the finances agreed before you can divorce. I did not divorce him on grounds of adultery as my lawyer advised that it complicates the process and adds to the cost although it would have been quicker.

I am keen to move on to the next stage of my life, not bitter and there is no chance of a reconciliation. I would be upset if potential partners were deterred by my status. In my head I am single.

[Offred]

From the other side of the table frankly it's none of anyone else's beeswax why I am separated but not divorced. ESPECIALLY not someone who I am casually dating. I think it's highly silly. Divorce is not easy and people can be hung up on their exes divorce or not.

[category12]

I think you might get different responses from a bunch of men, than women.

[Only1scoop]

when I was OLD I never responded to contact from 'separated' statuses.

To me it just means not yet divorced and a whole bag of potential headache.

[Offred]

Whether someone's past is a 'potential headache' or not is not generally down to whether they are divorced or not though. It's down to the state of their relationship with their ex. Plenty of divorced or never married exes have total nightmare relationships with each other in all kinds of ways. Plenty of separated people are perfectly sorted.

[ALaughAMinute]

True, but they are less likely to be be 'sorted' because they are still (technically) married to their ex.

[Offred]

i dont think that is true at all. Loads of divorcees are still emotionally and financially entangled - would you discount someone receiving spousal support for example? Loads of separated spouses are just that - separated but have many reasons why getting divorced is not possible or beneficial. You simply cannot judge. Anyone who has been married or has kids (or in some cases never been married/had kids!) is likely to have more baggage but to me separated or divorced is not a reliable indicator without other info.

[MorrisZapp]

Millions of people with kids, nightmare exes, emotional entanglement 's etc weren't married to begin with. For these people, we use easy to understand terms like' split up', 'not together any more' and 'single'.

Only on MN is marriage held as some kind of unbreachable sacred state that means you are still together after splitting up.

Everybody knows what split up means. If you've split up, you're single.

[Offred]

Exactly.

[Mabelface]

I'm separated with absolutely no intention of getting back with my ex. I'm waiting for the two year mark. I do intend to date when I'm ready to, and that is likely to be before my divorce, which will be uncomplicated.

[OpiesOldLady]

I am separated, as is my fella. I was separated when we met and although living with his wife and her girlfriend, my fella moved out soon afterwards.

I am not divorced yet, despite having started the divorce proceedings a year to the day of being married. The bastard won't sign the divorce papers. I in no way want to remain married to him, but until those papers are signed, I have to.

My fella is separated from his wife, who is now with another woman. Neither can afford a divorce so they agreed to wait until they can. That's fine by me. He doesn't want to be with her and she certainly doesn't want to be with him.

We both know it's not an ideal situation, but it is what it is, and we cope with it.

[ALaughAMinute]

The difference between separation and divorce is one puts an end to your marriage and the other does not.

I wouldn't date someone who was separated because I'd feel like I was having an affair.

[Offred]

But it's a totally arbitrary difference in reality though.

[Offred]

A marriage is, in reality, a legally recognised financial agreement.

The relationship you have with a spouse is a separate thing.

[Offred]

Even getting a divorce doesn't magically sort all the financial relationships instigated by a marriage.

[Offred]

Morris is entirely correct if a relationship is over it is over, if it isn't it isn't. All the money/kids stuff happens marriage/separation/divorce or not:

[Mabelface]

Separation has ended my marriage. Divorce just does it officially.