would someone being 'separated' put you off?

[ToddlerTantrums]

Just read on another thread someone saying that if a new potential partner was 'separated' and not divorced it would put them off. I'm separated and it had never occurred to me that it would be an issue for a new partner? I'm not looking for a relationship right now so not an immediate issue just wondering?

[Gladysandtheflathamsandwich]

I've been with my partner for 5 years. Before we got together, I had been separated for 18 months.

Is there property or money involved?

If not then you can file the papers at court yourself and get it sorted within a a few months, it wont cost ££££ in solicitors fees. You can file on the basis of the marriage having been over for 5 years and he doesnt need to agree or even respond for you to get it.

[Gladysandtheflathamsandwich]

www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

[Smorgasboard]

Maybe it can be money, perhaps avoiding a feeling of failure, fear of being a single entity after years of a connection, regardless of happiness or lack of. Worry that, children may see it as a disconnect from family and thus them also? Whatever the reason, some people just separate but stay married, I really think that my BF is in that category, and that is always a thought to consider when getting involved with a married person. That is what a single person will try to protect themselves against.
Flip side, divorce can take time, if you fully intend and are taking steps to plan for it, why not date, it's good to have an interest and company, just don't go in expecting the next one to be the next big thing if its been a short time between. Don't be full of promise to another. Takes time to find yourself again after a long relationship.You won't make any better choice than the one you just ended with, if you havent taken the time to work out what it is you need in someone.

[Want2bSupermum]

Friend of ours met his future wife after his 1st wife walked out and moved to Canada. As a trader he was making about $2-3 million a year and she went after the $$$ so their divorce took 3 years to complete. It was awful for our friend who had a ring for his future wife and was ready to propose but had to keep waiting. She nearly dumped him too because she couldn't understand why it took so long.

[Baconyum]

No I wouldn't. Divorce is a difficult thing to go through and I don't think it's fair to put someone 'innocent' through that.

2 eg

Thread currently running a woman seeing a separated guy with a teen son. He's delayed the divorce several times with ridiculous excuses. Also doesn't want her seeing his son.

My ex I kicked for cheating. Dragged our divorce out for almost 3 years (sat on papers/deliberate mistakes on papers which delayed filing Inc spelling his OWN NAME wrong etc). Led his now wife to believe it was me delaying. Led me to believe she was causing problems with it. Etc

No I'd walk away from someone still married. Too much hassle.

[lubeybooby]

I've been separated for 8 years. Initially we were waiting for the 2 years separation as a reason, but for several reasons, I have not gone through with it - none of them remotely to do with any open doors. Finances and wanting to be out of this town (same town as exh) before I start proceedings mainly. I'll get there one day.

It's never been an issue for my partner of 2.5 years. He can clearly see I have barely anything to do with my exh and I have no kids with exh which maybe helps a bit. Certainly helps avoid contact with him.

[Siwi]

Can it be possible but still can't afford to get divorced?
Is it possible to divorce without a legal settlement?

[Sazzle41]

Would definitely put me off. I worked with a bunch of men who all got divorced around the same time and all got pally re their situations. To a man, they rebounded spectacularly and quickly with women who were totally unsuitable/just flings/half their age. They all came to their senses after 18months or so and admitted that they did it out of fear of being alone and what they really wanted was normal relationship/soulmate. I've also been a rebound girl with a guy like that but was too young/green to realise and he broke my heart.

[mimishimmi]

Yes, I'd see it as adultery...

[donajimena]

I met my bf when he was at the final hearing stage of his divorce. He had been separated three years. I wouldn't have entertained a 'just separated' guy.
The exw made the process very difficult causing a lot of stress all round.
It was great to see him cope with this and he didn't bad mouth her once - it could have shown a very different side.
But.. I wouldn't do it again.

[wannaBe]

The thing though is that it's incredibly easy to get married, whereas it's really not easy to get divorced without having to make one or other party look like the one at fault within the first two years. It should be possible to get a no fault divorce once you split, but it isn't, which is why many people don't get one before two years because A, it costs more, B, they have to be the protagonist and make up reasons why someone is unreasonable, even if they aren't, which can potentially just make things more unnecessarily acrimonious.

Me and dp were both separated when we met. My divorce was in progress and came through shortly afterward, but he waited for the two years for various reasons. They werne't in contact (no children involved) so there was no chance of the door being open for him to come back iyswim.

While being married to someone else has some legal implications i.e. you can't marry, and e.g. buying property together is probably unwise as the ex could make a claim on it as part of the financial settlement, plus the ex is still legally your next of kin and would potentially inherit your estate if you die, surely what's more important is the emotional connection which potentially still exists with an ex, be that a spouse or a partner, rather than a piece of paper which the law says you can't rip up until it says so...

[Branleuse]

no it wouldnt put me off if it was an uncomplicated separation and noone was being weird about anything

[wallywobbles]

My DP is separated. His wife moved out 3 years ago but it's a bloody slow divorce. No idea when it'll be over - one of the 2 judges is on long term sick leave and not replaced so could be another 6 months easily.

So having lived through my own lightening fast divorce 8 years ago I'm now living through his which is crap. It also means it's still a live issue for him. Divorces are generally painful. Even good ones have issues.

It also means we cannot get on planning our lives with any certainty. Cos the rug can still be pulled out from any situation.

So even though my DP is awesome I'd rather he was divorced.

[Mia1415]

My exDH & I were separated for a number of years before actually getting around to divorcing. We lived hundreds of miles apart & there was no emotional attachment there, neither of us could face the paperwork. We both had other relationships & it wasn't an issue. It wouldn't put me off as long as I knew they were properly separated.

[hellsbellsmelons]

No it wouldn't - been there and got the t-shirt.
Took me 5+ years to finalise my divorce and financials.
My current OH is also 5 years in and nothing is sorted.
I know things take time and often you need to let them as you get more that way.

[gatewalker]

I don't date separated people; and two months separated would be an absolute no-go. You're psychologically still enmeshed, even if you want out and there are good reasons for doing so. I think those coming out of marriages where there has been unreasonable behaviour benefit from being alone and working things through for a while. Considering dating after two months is a red flag for me that the person is wanting to escape into a new relationship. Baggage disclaim.

[NoraLouca]

I am still married and BF doesn't mind but a) I have been separated for over two years and b) we have now started the divorce process. I told him around date 2 that I was still married - I thought it was one of those things that it's best to get out in the open as soon as possible, so it's a fact rather than a secret IYSWIM. I'd already tried to start divorcing exh soon after separating but he didn't turn up to meetings etc. or return the paperwork he was supposed to, so it fell through.

I'm not looking for a bloke now, but if I was, I would'nt stay with anyone who didn't start divorce proceedings without a good reason.

[Specialsnowflake1]

My DP had been separated for 2 months and living him his own home before we started dating.

His exw had an affair and left him for the om (well ask my dp to leave the family home) It didn't put me off him at all. People did accuse us of having an affair tho. His divorce came through a few months ago and it hasn't changed anything at all.

[WaitingForMe]

I was dating immediately after my ex and I separated and was living with DH by the time my divorce was finalised. Life is short. In the case of messy divorces why would anyone want to put their love life on hold?

[MrsClusterfuck]

Being separated hasn't stopped my ex from going on the hunt for a new woman (or stopped them from getting involved with him but I imagine he's lied to them about how far down the line we are).

In reality it's been 6 months separated, yet to sort out the finances or childcare but he's already trying to line up a new wife. Crazy of them to get involved in my opinion.

Personally I'm too busy enjoying my freedom.

[ToddlerTantrums]

I'm not interested in even thinking about looking right now. I have 2 children and I am quite happy just the three of us for the foreseeable future.
I haven't put much thought into divorce practicalities as I figured it's only really important if I ever (unlikely) want to remarry. It had never really clicked that it might matter before then. Lucky enough dating is a long way off for me so is plenty of time to figure it all out.

[Cabrinha]

I dumped my husband and within 3 weeks I'd had my first meeting with a solicitor AND offered on a new house.
I was thought separated emotionally although we lived in the same house for 4 months after.

I met my next boyfriend about a month after I moved out.

I think my behaviour said I was very separated!

In fact divorce took nearly two fecking years!!! All him being SHIT with paperwork. There was no drama, no arguing, just him being lazy.

I'm glad my boyfriend didn't decide not to date me when it wasn't my fault I wasn't divorced!

I think you have to judge all situations individually.

[pocketsaviour]

It wouldn't bother me personally as long as they'd moved out.

If I was looking for an LTR leading to marriage though, I would think twice.

[KittiKat]

I have been separated for 4 years this month. My Ex won't agree to a divorce so I shall have to wait another year and then I can divorce him whether he likes it or not. Finances were all settled at separation. It is just his way of still controlling me. I left him, he did not say I could go...

I cannot afford a contested divorce hence why I shall have to wait the 5 years and then I shall do the forms myself without solicitors.

I have been on OLD sites and yes, there are some that won't contemplate going out because I am not actually divorced.

[Nonnainglese]

Definitely.
I'd see it as adultery; he/she aren't free therefore not available imo.