Help I am suffering from an unrequited infatuation

[abbi67]

I've developed an inappropriate obsession with a male work colleague and am not sure how to make it stop. For years we were just mates, then we spent some time working on a project together and he was very understanding whilst I was going through a stressful work situation. Seeing this new side to him, and the fact that I've been single for far too long, meant I slowly started to developed feelings for him (basically started to fancy the pants off him). However, he has a DP so i never said / did anything and probably actually give off negative vibes to hide my feelings.

After the feelings developed I became jealous of him working closely with other female colleagues, became overly nosey about his life, and starting following his movements on social media very closely. This led to me feeling very guilty about the obsession and behaving quite weirdly around him. At the moment I'm keeping my distance from him but I am still obsessed with where he is, what he's doing etc. I've even attempted to log into his work email account to find out why he's on annual leave.

This all makes me sound like a hormonal schoolgirl but in fact I'm in my late 30s. I know that no contact would be the ideal way to go but I see him at work virtually every day, and every time I see him it sets off the god i really like you feelings again. I'm dabbling with OD, but no dates yet, to try and take my mind off it.

Any other suggestions, or just some harsh words about how stupid I'm being, would be useful.

I sympathise - it's really, really tough. No-one would ever tell you to get a grip if you were grieving after a bereavement or were in the depths of a depression. Although both of those conditions are mental rather than physical. Can't help thinking that's because people think you are morally reprehensible and so deserve a bit of a kicking. I don't. But if you know there's no future in it - and it sounds like you do - get out there and start dating. Good luck.

I agree with that last post. The OP really doesn't want to have these feelings. She tried to access her colleagues email because she was losing her mind looking for answers; perhaps she hopes he secretly has feelings for her, who knows?

I do wonder why a poster can to fed to the lions for pouring her heart out to tens of thousands of " supportive" parents??

Perhaps she should start a thread about PTA's. or Mint Velvet codes..FFT

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I agree with that last post. The OP really doesn't want to have these feelings. She tried to access her colleagues email because she was losing her mind looking for answers; perhaps she hopes he secretly has feelings for her, who knows?

I do wonder why a poster can to fed to the lions for pouring her heart out to tens of thousands of " supportive" parents??

Perhaps she should start a thread about PTA's. or Mint Velvet codes..FFT

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You can say that again Chilli, ah I see you already did.

I have to say when I started reading this thread, I wasn't expecting this!!
OP, I think you need to take a step back. It's very unprofessional what you are doing re on line stuff and it could affect your job!! Don't waste years of training etc because you have become obsessed with this man.
Can you consider counselling or CBT - it sounds like there could be some underlying issues of rejection perhaps?? Which could have possibly lead to you feeling jealous of his work with other women.

You really need to work on your boundaries, what you are doing is absolutely bonkers and not at all normal.

Like it or not you do need to sort yourself out. If I got wind of someone doing this to me or DH I would be doing everything in my power to have them removed from the workplace.

I think you really need to look inside yourself at what has made you into basically a stalker. Maybe some counselling so you can learn to cope with crushes in a healthy manner.