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Original poster

Anyone else get pi$$ed off with their dh/p because they do eff all and know eff all about anything going on in your house??

83 replies

brimfull · 07/12/2006 08:42

Dh doesn't know what I've got for the children for xmas,won't know until they open them.He doesn't know where dd goes every night,'cos I do all the lifts(ie dance ,music ,kickboxing class.He's too tired .He seems to go into a trance when home,plays with ds ,eats dinner ,then goes to bed.He goes really early because he has to get up so early.Sometimes it feels like he's a guest.
I may be expecting too much here.Does yours get involved in the day to day running of the house?
He was shocked last night when I said he should wrap his nieces present ffs.

Think I may be due on??

OP posts:
fifiandtheflowertots · 07/12/2006 08:53

totally understand what you mean.
Dp comes in from work and evrythings been done, tea made for him, work shirts,dinners etc done, house clean, baby sorted out.
i told him a few weeks ago what id got his parents for xmas, then he was shocked when i wrapped them and asked where they'd come from.

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 07/12/2006 08:55

But have you fallen into the trap of doing everything for him? If so, then how can he be blamed for this?

Time to get more assertive and divvy up the jobs, I think!

compo · 07/12/2006 08:56

No I would be understandably peed off if dh carried on like that. Luckily he does the Xmas shoping for his family, has bought ds a Xmas present etc. But there are some things that drive me mad - like on a weekend he'll say 'what is ds having for dinner'. Automatically assuming that I'm in charge of food etc so often I say 'whatever you want to give him' rather than getting up and cooking it!! I think you need to retrain your dh - don't let him get away with not knowing what's going on

fifiandtheflowertots · 07/12/2006 08:57

ive tried that but then i get annoyed at the mess and end up tidying up again.

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 09:27

He's great with food and cooking because he loves all that,it's everything else,school letters/meetings,gift buying.
I guess this time of year just exacerbates it.

OP posts:
YuleTideways · 07/12/2006 09:28

Why the hell would they bother doing anything if it is all done for them? They may treat home as a hotel, but you are laying on all the services.

notreallyhereDee · 07/12/2006 09:36

mine doesnt lift a finger.

wanderingstar · 07/12/2006 09:40

Mine's a bit like this too. He will get 1 or 2 presents for our 4 children, but I buy for all the neices/nephews (all his side fwiw), sort out miscellaneous gifts for teachers, school bus driver, bin men, get in the wrapping paper, tape, cards etc.

He wonders why I often get a bit strung out at this time of year...Can't see that sorting out Christmas, while fun, is fairly time consuming on top of all the normal comings and goings of running a household with 4 children, end of term shows, cake sales ("Please no shop bought cakes for the sale, parents"), ferrying them to parties and activities, etc etc.

Last year I gave him a pile of unwrapped pressies and told him to get on with it. Plus I hate writing Christmas cards; I gave him N-Z last year and fully intend to do the same this.

JARMgotstuckupthechimney · 07/12/2006 09:40

i think yours can be forgiven misdee xx

My DHY is really good. From day 1 we have SHARED everything. He may work long hours (army) or be away, but even after 3 weeks away, he will walk in the door, give me a kiss, go get a shower and ask "what needs doing?"

He cooks, cleans, irons etc - he is an all round good guy.

The only thing he doesnt do is christmas..... had to force himself to buy my presents because he HATES going into town - its my job, but we discuss who gets what!

Sugarfree · 07/12/2006 09:41

Mine doesn't really,but then he works long hours and is away quite often.
Normally I'm fine with it but he just announced he's off to Shanghai for a few days on the 18th so will swan back in and the 'fairy' will have organised Christmas.Bit peeved about that tbh.

maryhadaharpsichordyeahlord · 07/12/2006 09:42

lol at "I think I might be due on??"
it's pre Christmas tension....
you need to wean him off, gradually.

makes certain things his jobs e.g. wrapping the presents, writing the cards

slowly slowly baby steps fairy steps even

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 07/12/2006 09:42

I think the bit about this time of year really showing it all up is so true. DH knows the children's main presents but I chose them all and bought/ordered them all. I asked him for ideas but he didn't have any.

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 09:49

I suppose it's the sahm guilt ,so I feel it's my job to do all the stuff in the house.He does do cooking when it's required or when we have guests,but really doesn't do any other housework.He irons for himself because I refuse to do any ironing.

I guess it's the fact that he's almost oblivious to what's going on in the day to day running.Eg took dd to a meeting at school last night,he hadn't a clue what it was about despite me telling him last week.I came home and dd stayed at dance class at school.He says where is she...she's at the effing dance class she goes to and has been going to for effing months now.heellllooooo!?!?!?

Then he says,"oh it's dn's b'day tomorrow where's her present?{his brother dd who he works with so that's why he wants it otherwise it would look bad )I said it's upstairs you'll need to wrap it and write the card,which he was shocked by ffs.

Am definately coming on!

OP posts:
HoHoHorsewoman · 07/12/2006 09:50

Have to admit, it sounds as though you are describing my own DH (apart from the cooking bit, mine does absolutely FECK ALL indoors). I get really envious of women whose partners pull their weight, mine works hard outside the home, but casts responsibility aside when he comes in. I always say that he is the world's worst delegator at work, but the world's best at home. I recently left him looking after DD2 when I went shopping (for less than 2 hours). It was the first time he had been left alone looking after her, and she is THREE! I buy all the presents for his family, but make him write the tag for his mother (and write her cards) but apart from that, Nada. There is nothing at all I can do to change him (God knows how hard I've tried). He's still not as bad as his own father was, but he's getting there. V.V. frustrating.

busybusymum · 07/12/2006 09:53

ggirl, atleast your plays with ds, mine comes in at the kiddies bedtime, so i have done it all by then, he cooks our tea(sounds good- no not really if you saw his menu! but I have offered to cook his meal but he doesnt like anything that been kept warm or reheated but is happy with tv dinners shoved in the microwave! ) His opening words are either "wheres the tv remote" if there is a football match on or "right you have 5 minutes to get off the computer" meaning he will sit on a sports forum all night (often until 2am) HE doesnt get involved with the kids only to take credit if they do good at something!

He doesnt play with kids, or help with homework, or get involve in any aspect of their schooling not even parents evening, he doesnt do any housework but is happy to leave stuff (clothes, mail, sweet wrappers, drink cans etc) lying around for me to clear up abd no I dont do it all for him, my house is a pig sty because I am refusing to do it!! If I dont iron his shirts he takes them to his mum (he is over 40 )or just buys new ones!!!
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sorry, sorry, sorry, I only meant to add 1 line

I think perhaps I should have just put "ggirl, you are not alone"

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 09:54

I've spoken to my sil and his brother is brilliant around the house. His brother has the same job,same hrs.I've told him this and he just ignores it.

We've been married for 18 yrs now and this is definatley a recurring sticking point for me.
I think it would be better if I worked outside the home.He wouldn't expect everything done then.

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 09:56

busymum.he makes mine sound like a saint

OP posts:
busybusymum · 07/12/2006 09:58

shall we swap

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 10:00

no thanks,but I'm thinking of coming back in my next life as a lesbian.

OP posts:
busybusymum · 07/12/2006 10:04

or a nun

HoHoHorsewoman · 07/12/2006 10:06

Yes, you know it's bad when you start to fantasise what life would be like without them, and you can't see a downside!

busybusymum · 07/12/2006 10:07

thats so true and so me [flush]

busybusymum · 07/12/2006 10:08

hahaha that [flush] should of course be a

HappyMellowmas · 07/12/2006 10:17

I was speaking about christmas to dh yesterday I think, he thinks I have it all under control.

I haven't, no idea where he thinks I get money, I am sahm too so rely on him mainly (apart from little bits of work I do here and there)!!

He must think I have buying all year (which I haven't)

Time for a chat tonight methinks

Tortington · 07/12/2006 10:18

we are going on holiday at xmas. no matter how much i have deffered the organisation to him - later will always do. i have this fantasy that i like to believe that we do these things together

consequently i have made an appt in london passport office for sat becuase its too fucking late to sort it now

costing an extra 30 quid - never mind the fucking train fair.

what are we going to do with dog?

says i in august

we'll sort it later the time

fav words " don't worry" i think it means i dont really give a shit

the dog has now been booked in for being boarded over xmas

has he bothered to get any snow gear? has he fuck.

and i work full time too.

i sorted my passport out on monday was waiting for school teacher to sign the kids passports.

its been a week the school has had them and i have gone in every night to ask after them - ME

when daughter approached teacher to ask after them teacher said she has never seen teh forms - oh and "whats it got to do with her"
"i think you have to sign them or something" says dd

" i dont HAVE to do anything" says teacher

no now its costing an extra £50 thanks to you

I found extra passport forms ( as i have got so many over the last few months for someone to help me with)

i took kids to have yet more photos done at the station last night (becuase teacher has other photos and sudenly no fucker knows where they are)

whilst i said to him " fil in forms whilst i go to station for photos with kids"

"b..b..but i dont kow how to fill them in"

"for rfucks sake" says i " theres a fucking leaflet that tells you - and you have a degree so i know you can read"

jesus H christ - and thats blaspheming

what a fucking ordeal.

never mind i've started smoking again. so actually this post is rather chilled.