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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else get pi$$ed off with their dh/p because they do eff all and know eff all about anything going on in your house??

83 replies

brimfull · 07/12/2006 08:42

Dh doesn't know what I've got for the children for xmas,won't know until they open them.He doesn't know where dd goes every night,'cos I do all the lifts(ie dance ,music ,kickboxing class.He's too tired .He seems to go into a trance when home,plays with ds ,eats dinner ,then goes to bed.He goes really early because he has to get up so early.Sometimes it feels like he's a guest.
I may be expecting too much here.Does yours get involved in the day to day running of the house?
He was shocked last night when I said he should wrap his nieces present ffs.

Think I may be due on??

OP posts:
HappyMellowmas · 07/12/2006 10:24

pmsl

HoHoHorsewoman · 07/12/2006 10:25

Custardo!

mumblechum · 07/12/2006 10:29

I have just given up.

I am a serving wench and that's all there is to it.

mandy4 · 07/12/2006 10:40

OH MY GOD !!! I am not alone! First time I have logged in to this web site. It was recommended by a friend cos I am pissed off big time with husband or shall I call him child number three !!! He does begger all at home and then complains if I have a day without tidying up! Just feel like a drudge. For Christmas I would like a day off please. But not a normal day off which involves me sorting both kids clothes, food, drink and telling him what needs doing before I get to go food shopping on my own. Just to wake up and dh making breakfast etc without me nagging !!

noogles · 07/12/2006 10:41

mine is half and half. He cooks every now and then,he does play with ds but sometimes if Im not at work it seems to think that means he can do what he wants (be on the computer). He does his own ironing (because he does it as he wears it, we did try me doing it and hanging up but everything ended up on the floor and having to be re - ironed when he needed it). He helps around the house and will wait on us hand and foot if we ask him to. But hes not very good with doing things without being prompted iykwim!He also makes sure we dont go without anything and I mean anything - if we (me or ds) want something we pretty much get it. Just the way I like it !!!

DizzyBinterWonderland · 07/12/2006 10:42

we went to SILs at weekend for MILs birthday tea. SIL texts MEEEEEEE to ask MEEEEEEEEEEEE what she should cook for DH. i'm then texting back and forth for 2 days, no not that, yes that but no sauce etc etc. i say to DH can you ring your sis, she struggling to think what to cook for for you (he is a fuss pot). he says, oh no you know what i like, you sort it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hasten to add, i have only known him for 3 years, SIL has known him for 41.

noogles · 07/12/2006 10:43

OOOh mine also babysits ds and keeps eye on brother and sister when mum and me want a night at tgi's or shopping!! Yay The more I think about it the more I feel quite satisfied with mine!!

HowTheFillyjonkStoleChristmas · 07/12/2006 10:49

no mine is great, if he's around he does half half, but it was not always thus

I do think it reasonable that I do some of the harder, child-related stuff in the day (parent and toddler group for example kudos to you if you like it, I think they are dire) cos I am partly a SAHM and that is my "job"

but

if we are both around housework etc is 50/50

and on saturdays he is a SAHD while I study

you must a. train them and b. let them make mistakes and c. praise them up when they do well.

bossykate · 07/12/2006 10:49

genuine question, why do you put up with this? what redeeming features do these partners have that makes it worth putting up with this? genuinely curious.

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 07/12/2006 10:51

I agree bossykate. Mine has been doing less than normal recently because he has been doing more work than normal - including nights away which phycially prevent him from helping much. But some of these men are quite simply taking the piss.

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 10:53

I do genuinly love dh.

Just this time of year it is glaringly obvious that he only does what appeals to him around the house.

I know lots of women who feel the same regarding xmas time.

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 10:57

Right am off to do housework and fold his kaks like a good little wifey

OP posts:
mandy4 · 07/12/2006 10:58

Actually, I don't know why I put up with it! If I say he doesnt help he says he doesn't know what needs doing (as he steps over toys on floor etc)and then when I ask him to do stuff he says I am nagging!! How to find the happy medium ?? I think it would be easier to find hens teeth......

TheHockeyandtheIvy · 07/12/2006 11:00

I felt like you but then had a complete barney at my dh last week saying I wanted to cancel christmas because I just had too much going on to be able to do everything, so he has now offered to do the cards.

Obv. its now a whole week later and nothing has been done!!! but I realised today (my usual day when I clean the house etc etc) that I could either clean the house OR could sit on the sofa all day with a film (well obv. got to keep ds happy too when he's not napping) writing christmas cards or I could do the cleaning and watch dh be painstakingly slow writing the cards this evening. So I emailed him at work and gave him the option, he chose the cleaning Hoorah and huzzah, right am off to watch a christmassy film while I do my cards!

One happy mumsnetter

TheHockeyandtheIvy · 07/12/2006 11:00

I felt like you but then had a complete barney at my dh last week saying I wanted to cancel christmas because I just had too much going on to be able to do everything, so he has now offered to do the cards.

Obv. its now a whole week later and nothing has been done!!! but I realised today (my usual day when I clean the house etc etc) that I could either clean the house OR could sit on the sofa all day with a film (well obv. got to keep ds happy too when he's not napping) writing christmas cards or I could do the cleaning and watch dh be painstakingly slow writing the cards this evening. So I emailed him at work and gave him the option, he chose the cleaning Hoorah and huzzah, right am off to watch a christmassy film while I do my cards!

One happy mumsnetter

mandy4 · 07/12/2006 11:08

Need to do cards too ! dh writes two a year. one for me if I am lucky and one for his mum and dad ! Oh but it is me who buys them ! Never mind. Can't be that unhappy cos I am still here. TTFN ds is awake and needs feeding ! OH the joys of SAHM x

batters · 07/12/2006 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busybusymum · 07/12/2006 12:04

Well i was thinking about why I put up with him and its easy really, he is jolly good at...............................................

mumblechum · 07/12/2006 12:17

What, bbm, cooking? or something that rhymes with that?

NOELallie · 07/12/2006 12:38

ggirl - to answer your original post, YES! Most most of the time I put up with it. But sometimes I blow up have a good shout and get it out of my system. We've been together 20yrs and I have tried ranting at him, i've tried showing him how upsetting it is, I've tried playing the Feminism card (how I shouldn't be anyone's skivvy!!), I've even tried not bothering. None of it works long-term.He's very sorry and he'll do the washing up (badly) but then it all just goes back to the way it was before. The not bothering stategy is the worst as everything just gets messier and more disorganised and the only person who give a sh*t is ME!!! The only strategy that would work is for me to stop caring about it all...but I don't think I ever will.

Better now that he's a carpenter/builder as he does at least do some fantastic stuff round the house. Built the boys a right-angle bunk bed - solid wood and absolutely beautiful, put in our new kitchen, knocked a wall though and put in a French window. So he has his uses

noogles · 07/12/2006 19:43

i think I am definitely one of the lucky ones, after reading some of the posts I have started to appreciate everything dp does do!!!!

Original poster
brimfull · 07/12/2006 19:44

noelallie ,he sounds a dream,a carpenter

OP posts:
Ladymuck · 07/12/2006 19:55

I think that my problem is that I care more and have higher standards on some things. Dh really doens't care if the washign up e ver gets done provided all dirty dishes are left in/by the sink, and not on the table. He would happily use every item of crockery we own before attempting any washing up. Ditto laundry - he wouldn't leave any shirts lying around but he would wait unitl they were all in need of washing before he would put a load on. If the kids have a single item of clean clothing, then why both with laundry.

And as for Christmas, if I didn't do most of the stuff I do I don't think that he would care. Well he might a bit but I really think that he sees it all as a bit of a waste of time.

WonderCod · 07/12/2006 19:56

my dh admitted in hosp otday he doesn knwo what day ds3 goes to preschool or nursery!! FGS or what time they start

My dad doesnt know all our birthdays still
he is 72

2nervesnapartridgeinapeartree · 07/12/2006 20:18

My DH does nearly all the cleaning because he likes doing it but thats it. I do everything else.
I didn't get him out of the box like that it has taken years of dedicated training to get him to clean the lavs daily.

And some lowering of my standards to stop re-cleaning them after him.

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