Best friend's husband hit on me...

[diamondsonthesoles]

...he is also really good friends with my husband.

I don't know what to do! He has misinterpreted my behaviour as flirtatious (I have been friendly!). My husband has no notion of anything. I hope my friend hasn't either. I have told him that nothing will ever happen but nor sure I'm being taken seriously...

Should I tell or just hope it blows over?

[OffMyAyersRocker]

Tell your dh. I had a friend of both mine and dh do this to me. It pissed me off so much l stopped talking to this 'friend' and l worked with him in a professional environment. Awkward!

But I felt he'd been disrespectful to my dh.

[ivykaty44]

Also remember that the truth can't bite you on the bum but a secret can come back to haunt you

[PHANTOMnamechanger]

Tell your DH, because NOT doing so gives sleezebag some power over you should he wish to stir things - he can at a later date come out with some crap about 'remember how you threw yourself at him that night in the taxi haha' or something.

Tell your DH, otherwise it makes it look like YOU have something to hide.

[diamondsonthesoles]

Yes, I work with both my husband and my friends

[MrsUltra]

I had this with a couple of men , laughed it off and just don't be alone with them again.

[VenusRising]

I'd just put it to your DH that you are wondering about friend X and her DH and how their marriage is, that you thought he was flirting with everyone and you wonder if he's about to bolt.

Don't mention the details of the drunken grope to your DH, but don't put yourself in this man's way without witnesses in future.

Hope you're ok, a grope is yucky.

[MrsUltra]

Both times at their engagement parties... [puzzled]
Both couples have been married now 20+ years DC - a pass is not big deal - just forget it.

[QueenPotato]

He groped you in a cab!? that's actually significantly worse than just hitting on you, which would be bad enough. It's indecent assault. How awful. I think you do have to tell DH, you need his support and for him to know how you feel about it. Otherwise it could come out some other way and this guy could spin it to try to make it sound like you were up for it.

He also blamed him groping you on you having been "flirtatious"! It doesn't matter even if you were flirtatious – although you weren't – that does not make groping someone OK.

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

remember that the truth can't bite you on the bum but a secret can come back to haunt you

^^This

He's no friend of your husband's if he's happy to fool around with you behind his back.

This is not your fault, you did not ask to be felt up in the back of a taxi, you have no reason to feel guilty for another person actions, you have nothing to hide. Tell your DH

[ivykaty44]

Why would you lie to your dh and make up a story about this twat? Just tell your dh the truth surely it's then not a secret between you and you can both decide what you want to do about this together.

[stoppingbywoods]

It is vital that you tell your husband. If this man tries again and it compromises you in some way, you will find it so difficult to explain to your DH why you didn't tell him the first time. Also, I think he deserves to know he hasn't truly got a friend in this person. Why should he have to spend time with someone who would do this to him? Your first loyalty should be to your DH, not your best friend (who you would not be wronging by sharing this).

I would tell her too, actually. She also deserves to know. I think your days of socialising have come to an end now anyway.

[pinkyredrose]

Off disrespectful to your husband don't you mean disrespectful to you ?

OP definitely tell your DH there is no b reason to hide this from him

[eddielizzard]

i would tell your dh without a doubt. i personally would leave it at that and make sure i'm never alone with him again. what an arse.

[RivieraKid]

Tell your DH. Frankly after this I'd let him go steaming round there and pulp the handsy little shit. Sure it will probably cost your friendship because for his DW the truth would be too awful to contemplate, but you're better shot of this secret, honestly.

[lavenderhoney]

Did you tell your dh he tried it on in the cab? If not, you should have!

Now the time to say " omg, that idiot Brian - first he is so pissed he drapes himself all over me like a wet towel in the cab, which I should have told you about but didn't as I didn't want to make a big deal over him being such a plonker etc etc - and to make himself feel better he thinks we have a connection- look - he's sent me a text"

And then text Brian saying to leave you alone as clearly he is deluded. And ignore/ block.

Then let your dh deal with him.

[Joysmum]

I can't understand why people wouldn't trust their DHs enough to tell them?

That's quite apart from not keeping a secret that this man could use over you and the fact they I'd be good for your DH to know you're at risk from him, the fact he deserves to know and that surely he's your best friend and you'd benefit from talking things through with him.

[Thisismyfirsttime]

I understand why you didn't tell DH straight away, mine would go batshit and I would rather just let it all go but as pp's have said you should tell him 1. To protect yourself in case Groper comes up with a story painting himself as the victim and 2. Because I'm sure you'll want to keep your distance from Groper and so would DH I'd imagine if he knew what'd happened!
And the friend needs to know too really, I'd want to know if DH had behaved so awfully. How do you think she'd react? Does your friendship predate the partner?

[WorzelsCornyBrows]

I'd be gutted if DH's response to be being groped in the back of a cab was to blame me for putting myself in that position. This was a trusted friend, you say you haven't flirted. That should be enough for him to not blame you in any way!

[Hissy]

A grope is not a pass love.

You have to tell your dh. What you both decide to do after that is up to the both of you, and you work together on this as a team.

Will this change the "friendship"? Absolutely yes. But remember you didn't do anything wrong. He did.

[iminshock]

what Mrsultra said.
Has happened to me more than once.
DO not tell your husband.
Sounds like a moment of drunken idiocy.
Forget about it

[NameChange30]

Groping you is not "making a pass" it's sexual assault. You may not want to, but you could report it to the police. Actually I think the best solution is to tell your DH and to stop socialising with this person. But be prepared to tell him to back off - and tell him it's sexual assault - if he tries anything again.

[holeinmyheart]

What is the point of opening a can of worms? There are many many people to be considered here. Children for a start.
What has happened has happened. You were both drunk and you made it quite clear to him that you were not going to let it go any further.
You can easily avoid being alone with the groper, ever again. Who is to say he doesn't regret his behaviour as well?
Put it down to experience and take care not to be alone with him again.
IMO a marriage can survive a secret or two. No one died.

[NameChange30]

But there is no need whatsoever to keep it secret! The OP did absolutely nothing wrong!

Since when is being drunk a crime? Since when is being friendly to a friend a crime?!

He sexually assaulted her and he is blaming her for being "flirty" ie victim blaming.

What he did was wrong and is not excused by his drunkenness. My male friends don't grope me when they're drunk!!!

[AnnaMarlowe]

Tell your DH. Any other course of action puts you in the wrong.

This man will hold it over you if you don't tell.

[Hissy]

If one of my friends groped my OH, i would want to know.

And the dynamic here is worse when it's a bloke grappling with a woman.

The comment the you made about saying it wouldn't ever develop into anything but you feel won't be taken seriously is very telling.

Predators test their victims. You let him off the hook with this, and he'll be back... What's to stop him?