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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drug addiction

221 replies

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 17:59

I am astounded to discover that there's no drug support thread! So I thought I would start one.

I've been smoking weed for 25 years. Over the last 6 months, I've smoked legal highs instead because it's cheaper and you can buy it on the high street.

It has wrecked my life. I want to tell people about my experiences whilst I'm going through withdrawal, and see if there's any help/advice available.

Of course anyone can post about any kind of drug addiction that they want to talk about. I'd like to use this thread as a distraction to help me help others.

I'm going for a long soak in the bath now, as I'm trying to use distraction techniques to get through each day - but I'll be back with you later.

I'm an addict. I'd like to say recovering. I just need to keep recovering x

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 00:42

I'm so glad this might help people. I have been thinking about posting all weekend but obviously needed to nc - and then couldn't believe there wasn't a thread for drug addiction support.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 00:43

ExWife well done. I cannot imagine how hard things must have been Thanks

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 00:44

Catady what was your drug of choice if you don't mind me asking?

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Chopsychops · 27/10/2015 00:59

It's a long story, but the end up is I had come to a point where I knew I was going to die if I continued, and looked in the mirror one morning after no sleep again and just hated what I saw.

I didn't know this person but I didn't know who I really was either.

I was scared, I was tired. So very tired.

Fear, guilt, shame.

Like you, went to first NA later that week after detoxing at home alone.

torthecatlady · 27/10/2015 01:05

I don't mind at all. I have only managed to get where I am now by being (gradually) open to everyone! I used to take everything except heroin. But my DOC was cocaine and if not that, huffing solvents. I started with weed and it escalated from there quite rapidly.

Euripidesralph · 27/10/2015 01:24

I just want to add my support I come at it from a slightly different perspective in that I've spent 15 years working frontline in substance use services, incl managing rehabs units, community services, police and prison

You've done an amazing thing taking the step and moving forward, it's the hardest most amazing thing anyone can do to choose recovery and it's a hell of a tough road

Sometimes it's a few steps back but that journey is amazing my support goes to you

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 01:30

Thanks so much. I just want to start living again.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 01:33

Catady, thanks for being so candid. I have also taken a lot of shit over the years..

Cigarettes
Weed
Ecstasy
Cocaine
Solpadeine (recreationally)

Would never very able to remember when was the last time that I've had nothing. Years and years ago.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 01:34

I'm going to try and sleep again soon. Bloody insomnia is driving me nuts.

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Chopsychops · 27/10/2015 01:52

Good luck hope you sleep, pm me if you feel yourself wobbling happy to chat as I've been there and it's hard but worth it Smile

torthecatlady · 27/10/2015 02:04

Insomnia is awful! Hope you get a good nights sleep! Sounds like a plan :) night all! X

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 02:26

It's a bloody pita!

I keep trying to go to sleep, but it's just not happening. See normally, I would have a big fat spliff to see me off to bed... Luckily we threw absolutely everything out.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 02:27

At least DP is asleep. He has a job interview in the morning so he needs some rest, I think he's going to be anxious tomorrow.

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Friendlystories · 27/10/2015 03:00

Hi Not, just to say I'm 2 years clean of a 22 year daily weed habit, it can be done and my life is 100% better without it. For me it took a life changing event to make me stop, long story but went through a massive trauma which consumed my life for a few weeks and I just didn't have the time or inclination to smoke while it was going on, I did resume for a little while when things had calmed down but found it was causing extreme paranoia and, I believe, the beginnings of psychosis (was hearing voices) so I stopped completely. I was lucky in a way, the traumatic event seemed to override my withdrawal and I was so absorbed with dealing with what had happened and in such a state emotionally I didn't really notice the effects, I had tried to stop numerous times previously though so I know what you're currently going through. I just want to say, focus on the other side, a life free from that shit (and it is utter shit) I have a life now, friends who don't smoke and a proper social life, I feel part of the human race again, like a normal person! It's an awesome feeling when you finally feel free of it, look forward to that because it's worth its weight in gold. I know I didn't have to feel my withdrawal like you are but the physical effects honestly don't last that long, by the time I'd got myself straight after the trauma (involved an emergency house move and all the associated practical stuff) I honestly felt ok without the weed so 2-3 weeks from now you can expect the worst to be over. Psychologically is obviously a different matter, again I was lucky as I was in a different house, different area, away from all the old associations so there was nothing to pull me back, if you can find a new interest, a distraction if you like, that may well help with that side of things, give you something else to focus on. I gave up cigarettes about 6 months later as well using a vape, would really recommend it if you're like me and find straight fags unpleasant (one of the reasons I struggled to give up weed previously, needed to smoke something but hated the taste of cigarettes) as you can experiment with different flavour juices and find something that satisfies the taste element of smoking weed. Sorry, this has turned into an essay, just know how hard it is and want to help if I can. Me and DH smoked together (and stopped together) too so your situation really resonates with me. I wish you both all the luck in the world, keep us updated how you're doing and feel free to message me anytime if there's anything I can do to help.

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 03:46

You lot are bloody great x

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 03:48

Fern Thanks so much for your post. Weed has been my best friend for so long.... But it's time now, and it needs doing.

We've been trying to distract by going out for walks, and we'll probably start geocaching again, that's quite good fun.

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Friendlystories · 27/10/2015 04:38

That's good you're finding distractions, honestly though try the vape thing if taste/smoking sensation is an issue for you, I wish I'd tried it on one of my previous attempts to quit as it may well have happened for me sooner, make sure you go to a decent vape shop though don't buy cheap crap off the market, a decent starter kit will cost you £25-30 but is worth every penny. I'll be honest with you about what happened to me so you can see just how much damage weed was doing to my life, the trauma I mentioned involved the local weed dealers/thugs kicking our door in at 1am and robbing us at gunpoint. My 4 year old daughter was asleep upstairs, we were still up and 2 of them went straight upstairs to search for weed/money as we were known stoners and DH dealt a bit so they obviously thought we had stuff for them to steal. DD was terrified, they wouldn't let me go to her at first so she was up there, alone with men in balaclavas waving knives around until I finally persuaded the ones downstairs to let me go and sit with her. They beat my DH and left with a measly £50 and our personal stash. That was it for me, there's nothing in my life I'm more ashamed of than that my innocent DD had to go through that because I was too weak to stop smoking and it woke me up to the fact that she deserved a better life than a mother who was always stoned. It completely traumatised me (nothing less than I deserved tbh) and took a long time to get over (still not 100% there, am shaking like a leaf typing this) but it did make me realise the risks I was taking with her safety and how much of my life I had already wasted in a stoned daze. I've been so lucky though, the housing association moved us within a week or so to a better area away from all the shit and my DD barely remembers it, sounds mad to say they did us a favour but I actually believe they did, I wouldn't be where I am now if it hadn't happened, would probably be stuck in the same old rut. What I'm trying to say is don't wait till something awful happens to you, I never would have believed that could happen to us, it was like something out of a film but you inevitably have to be involved with some dodgy fuckers when you need to buy drugs and it ended up biting us in the arse. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty for what my DD went through because of me, you kid yourself your lifestyle isn't affecting them but it is and what happened could have been so much worse, I never let myself forget that. You're doing so well, don't let it beat you for your own sake and your DC's Flowers

VernonGodLittle · 27/10/2015 05:57

I'm not sure if anyone has suggested counselling, OP? CBT can be an excellent therapy during the time when you're stopping, helps your brain to learn new ways of behaviour. And the more you do a thing (ie. not using) it becomes a habit. Once you've had some clean time, and feel ready, some deeper therapy can be useful, to look at why you felt the need to use habitually.

There's other help as well as NA. If you pop drug and alcohol services into the search engine and your closest town/city, you'll be able to find something. They offer stuff like acupuncture as well as group therapies and one to one counselling. I know you and DP are supporting each other, but you will need outside support too. Because you're both at the same stage of recovery, you may feel unable to support one or the other on a particular day.

I became addicted to heroin in my early 20s, and it wasn't until my mid 30s I stopped. By that point, I was using both my femoral veins to inject, I still bear horrible scars, either side of my groin. I still can't exactly pinpoint what the catalyst was for stopping, but cripes, am I glad I did. I went on to do a degree and get married to the best man in the universe.

Watch out for the insidiousness that is cross addiction though! 2 years into my clean time, I discovered diazepam. Coming off that stuff made heroin withdrawals seem like a cake-walk. You mention taking up a hobby, brilliant idea. Using takes up a lot of energy, so therefore leaves a big hole. I used fishing and the gym to fill the hole.

Sorry, I didn't mean this to be such an essay. It does get easier, I can wholeheartedly promise you that.

Chopsychops · 27/10/2015 07:19

fern wow that's one hell of a story, so glad you are all safe and you have moved on.

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 07:23

Fern What a story. You're so brave Thanks

Well I'm here! 2 hours sleep later... But I'm still strong.

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RainbowBodyDouble · 27/10/2015 07:46

Glad you are well out of there Fern

Two hours is a start Ntsol stay in bed or ready for it and rest whenever you can. Halloween Smile

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 07:52

Vernon what a terrible time you've had x

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 07:54

Not a chance Rainbow.. As predicted, dp woke up this morning shaking and crying hysterically. I knew it would happen. We've done some breathing and am making an appt for him to see gp later and I will go with him.

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NotTheSpiceOfLife · 27/10/2015 07:54

It's actually helping me to be helping him. If that makes sense.

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Chopsychops · 27/10/2015 07:59

Yep, I understand. The more you remind yourself of the reality of taking drugs and how not normal it actually is the better.
I'd reiterate trying to get some nutrition in, shakes or multi vitamin, something, anything.
And ask the GP for support which will reflect well on any referrals.

Good luck and please continue to post Flowers