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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drug addiction

221 replies

NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 17:59

I am astounded to discover that there's no drug support thread! So I thought I would start one.

I've been smoking weed for 25 years. Over the last 6 months, I've smoked legal highs instead because it's cheaper and you can buy it on the high street.

It has wrecked my life. I want to tell people about my experiences whilst I'm going through withdrawal, and see if there's any help/advice available.

Of course anyone can post about any kind of drug addiction that they want to talk about. I'd like to use this thread as a distraction to help me help others.

I'm going for a long soak in the bath now, as I'm trying to use distraction techniques to get through each day - but I'll be back with you later.

I'm an addict. I'd like to say recovering. I just need to keep recovering x

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 19:34

Bastard how the hell did you get off heroin Shock You have my utmost admiration.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 19:35

Last spliff was Thursday night about 10pm. Nothing since.

I've researched the withdrawal a bit, and it all seems really normal. Horrible though.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 19:36

snugglets I wish I was shocked by your story. These legal highs are so destructive.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 19:37

Chopsy I also need to know why I've chosen to be off my face for the last 25 years...

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Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 19:47

If it helps, I didn't like reality or the reality of my own real life so masked it with chemicals.
Of course I didn't know what I was doing until too late but there you go, you live and learn.
I'm very lucky I did live...

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 19:54

And how are you now?

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Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 20:04

I'm fine, the psychological element levels out but it does take time.

Really good book is Rachel's holiday, Marian Keyes.
In case you haven't read it already.
The bit towards the end when Rachel discovers all the stuff that has been happening in her head subconsciously is absolutely brilliant.
It's hilarious too

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 20:06

I bloody loved Rachel's Holiday Grin Easily her best imo. Shame I took no notice whatsoever eh? Hmm

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Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 20:10

I've re read it so many times and once I'd got though a few days of withdrawal it read completely differently!

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 20:12

I'm going to re-read it I think! Obviously I was an addict when I read it the first time, but wasn't anywhere near ready to accept that. I am now!

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Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 20:46

Yep, I've got to say though, to be prepared if you are going all out with complete abstinence.

All the emotions you have suppressed with drugs come back to the surface and you actually feel proper emotions again, it's really odd, nothing to be scared about as such, just really weird thinking 'wow, everyone else has been like this for years!'

If that makes sense.... It's difficult to post in the correct tone!

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 20:55

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've cried more over the last few days than I have in years. I have laid myself bare and vulnerable for probably the first time ever.

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exWifebeginsat40 · 26/10/2015 20:56

yeah the feeling your feelings sober bit is tough.

I got sober with AA - I'm not religious in any traditional sense but it saved my life. I'm just over 18 months sober now - and I was a rock-bottom lost-everything mouthwash-swilling alky by the end.

get some mcDonalds fries. salty carbs if you can stomach them are good. I don't know about withdrawal from legal highs but I know alcohol withdrawal was fucking brutal so I don't envy you.

just hang on. if you can quit, you never have to feel this way again.

be well.

Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 21:00

One of the best mantras I heard in NA was:
One is too many because a thousand is never enough.

Seriously, again, quoting Rh book, the more wailing and sobbing you do now the better in the long run.
Get it all out!!

Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 21:02

If it makes you feel any better I sobbed at an andrex advert during detox because the puppies were just so cute.
Set me off for a good hour....

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 21:40

exWife - thanks so much. It must have been really hard for you. What made you stop? What made any one of you stop?

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NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 21:41

I've found a local NA meeting on Thursday night, so I'm going. Never been to anything like it in my life, but in for a penny and all that..

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Chopsychops · 26/10/2015 21:46

What made you realise this was rock bottom?

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 21:58

I had to call an ambulance for DP because he couldn't stop vomiting and there was blood in the vomit. He has an ulcer and a hernia, so that's happened before. But as he got into the ambulance, he changed. He became confused and agitated, didn't really know where he was etc. Carried on at the hospital, at one point I was really afraid that this was going to be a full on psychotic episode.

I had to tell them what he'd been smoking. They looked at us like shit. Told us they would have to inform various agencies as we have children.

I am absolutely mortified that it has come to this. I have never had any kind of involvement with any of this. I'm no better than any other junkie. Time to sort my shit out.

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Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 22:01

I was so upset in the hospital because I needed the staff to know that this wasn't how he usually behaves. He's gentle and kind and lovely. Not a shouty or aggressive bone in his body.

It frightened us both, more than anything. We knew that was the turning point.

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BastardGoDarkly · 26/10/2015 22:09

Oh bollocks spice that must have been so scary.

Well done for arranging NA, are you both going?

Original poster
NotTheSpiceOfLife · 26/10/2015 22:11

Yeah, I told him that I would be going regardless, but he's coming too Smile

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exWifebeginsat40 · 27/10/2015 00:10

i knew it was the end when i woke up yet again not knowing what day it was. i was drinking round the clock at this point and must have been to the shop in blackout to buy more booze. classy.

i couldn't keep water down for the first day. i dry-vomited so many times that i bruised my throat. i was hallucinating, and when i went to get water i collapsed. literally folded to the floor. my heart was beating out of my chest and i thought i would die. people do, in alcohol withdrawals.

my daughter had gone to live with her dad 6 months previously but that didn't stop me. my job had already gone. my marriage and home went next.

i don't know what made it stick this time. i do genuinely believe that if i drink again i will die.

i really hope NA resonates with you. i spent my first AA meeting crying, but when it finished i felt like i had come home. my new tribe.

exWifebeginsat40 · 27/10/2015 00:20

oh, and it DOES get easier. if it didn't and i still felt how i did in the first 6 months i very much doubt i would be sober today.

i really, really want to emphasise that i am the last person you would think could quit drinking. i am a child of alcoholic parents, drinking regularly by the age of 10. i was always the life and soul of the party; it was expected that i would be the entertainment. i drank neat vodka - a LOT of neat vodka, but would drink anything. my last bender, for no particular reason, was neat brandy and cans of Diamond White. short of living in a ditch, i couldn't get much lower. i also have a list as long as your arm of mental health issues.

and i still got sober. if i can do it, you can too.

be well.

torthecatlady · 27/10/2015 00:35

You can do this this! It's fucking hard to begin with, but if this is what you really want - you will succeed!
It does get easier but it is never easy.
I hope you dp is on the "mend"? That must've been really scary for you!
I'll be 4 years clean in 3 months and still have hard days where I wonder why I bother. I don't want to throw away all my hard work!

Just yesterday, I was looking for a drug addiction thread but only found alcohol addiction.
Thanks for making this one! It's so important to know you are not alone, no matter how alone you think you are! I'll always be at the end of a pm ThanksCake