It's his last night at home

[Bloodywellhowmuch]

Morning everyone.

Tonight will be Mr BWHM's last night in the family home as Mr BWHM. He is moving out tomorrow, not into the apartment he has signed up for as it isn't ready, but back to his mums house for 2 weeks as I said he had to move out tomorrow regardless.

We have remained amicable during the last few weeks whilst he was getting ready to move out and are still friends as such, but it is tearing me apart right now, I know this is irrelevant but, last night when I went to bed he was still mine today, but tonight when I go to bed he won't be mine tomorrow (even though I know he hasn't been mine for a while) and I'm finding it very hard to deal with, I have a sinking feeling in my tummy, every muscle/bone/joint aches from holding myself rigid due to stress, I'm not sleeping (3 to 4 hrs a night but broken and nightmares when I do drop off).

I don't want to be at home tomorrow when he is packing up and actually moving out, I will have DS2 (13 and autistic) with me (ds1 and dd are away from the family home this week anyway) so I don't feel as if I could go to a friends home and rant and cry/shout and cry more iykwim.

What can I do that isn't majorly expensive with ds2 to pass on some time and not be in the house?

Will you all have some advice for me and hold my hand when it does get to tomorrow?

I'm feeling lost and don't feel as if there is an RL support for me, my dad thinks it's my fault, my mum, brother and both sets of grandparents have passed away and I have no aunts/uncles/cousins locally I can call on.

Not able to advise on how to cope with the actual leaving but, if not too overstimulating, would the cinema help pass some time for you and DS 2?

In the morning go out with ds and carry out his favourite activity.

Ask your ex to be respectful and use that time to gather his belongings and text you once he is done.

Then you will be free to return home.

Yes we will all be here for a hand hold if you need it.

I don't know your story but I'm sure you haven't done this on a whim.

Remember you have an attachment to this man and that's why your head aches because you are trying to break that attachment.

It's a process and it won't last forever.

Thank you for hand holding, the full story is on here somewhere (and I've nc because of jeffgate so the original story is under another name).

The help and hand holding offered earlier in the year when I found out about his affair all said that no matter how much I wanted to work it out and keep the relationship going, it might not happen - how I scoffed at you all then and thought my love for him was strong enough to break any problems we had - little did I know.

Are there any half term/Halloween activities on that you could do tomorrow? We've got a pumpkin festival locally where kids can choose and carve their own pumpkins. Try and find something along those lines that doesn't cost the earth and will occupy a good few hours. Sorry you're going through this BWHM

well we took the little one out for lunch in a local pub and since we got back home i have done nothing but shake and want to vomit. Im trying SO hard to keep it together, it doesnt help that i just want to drink my self to oblivion and pass out and wake up tomorrow with it all gone away.

Hes asked me if there is anything i want him to take with him that he hasnt packed away, he has only packed his clothes and exercise stuff, and his work stuff. is he just being a prick asking me to remind him of stuff that is his? although to be honest most of what is in the house is 'ours' i have never thought of it being mine or his. how do i choose what is his? i suppose that i will just have to decide if i am using/would use something or not, if not then its his i suppose.

he has said that he doesnt want anything from the house but i have asked him to take our bed as i will never sleep in it again and it seems a real shame to throw it away. if he doesnt take it i am sending it to the skip.

He has left for a run this morning and in an hour I am taking the little one for a marathon movie and out for lunch. He is going to text me when he has left today.

How did we get to this? How did we go from being best friends to separating in the blink of an eye?

How am I supposed to cope?

Hi Bloodywell, I know exactly how you feel and ask the same questions of myself all the time. The emotions run in waves, so after a bad period, you'll get a run of calmness. You can do this, it's really hard, but you'll come out stronger at the end. (I haven't got there yet, but have met and talked to a lot of people further on this journey who are all ok now).

Oh dear, you poor love.

Glad you've found something to do with DS2 today, if he can stand it I guess you could always go shopping for a new bed after the film and lunch?

I don't at all blame you for getting rid of the bed. I would too. In fact, I'd start looking for all new bedding, curtains, and bedroom decor in general to obliterate all memories of him in your room (and what obviously went on in there :( )

As far as things he might have forgotten that you'd like him to take - don't think about it now, just have a box with his name on it, and as you find things over the next few weeks, dump them in that box for him.

So sorry it's come to this but I think that sometimes there is no other way than to split, because your relationship has been smashed beyond repair :(

(((hugs))) for you xx

Thanks for the support this morning, I have ordered new bedding etc for my new bed all that are a bit 'girly' as opposed to plain (his preference but I didn't mind - compromise etc) I want to paint the kitchen units too - it's tired and dated (been in 19 years) and I have wanted to paint it for ages but he has always said no. He quite likes beige and every room is beige somehow or other. I want some colour.

In fact here are a list of a few things that I want to do that I have started writing out and I will do them to make my home personal to me.

Beige Man! Ugh.
Yes, start immediately to introduce huge slashes of colour to make it more "yours". :)

OP, I feel for you and remember the maelstrom of emotions so well from when I was in your shoes.

As PP have said, be kind to yourself! Make the house YOUR home, get rid of the beige and the connotations that colour holds. Go bold!

Also, you will probably not believe the amount of tension that is relieved once he has left. Yes, you may have been amicable but him leaving has been the proverbial sword if Damocles! You will be amazed at the return of "calm" in the house once the break has been made.

I am NOT saying the hurt will dissapate at the same rate!! But for me it helped having the space to myself again. Room to let the "coping" mask slip once the DC were in bed and not feel it had to stay put because me STBXH was still there.

As far as taking the DC out, aim for small pleasures: get your wellies on and go puddle jumping etc. They won't want big excursions, merely knowing that through all the turmoil you spend quality time together.

Wishing you all the best, OP!

Well he's gone. He left flowers, wine, chocolates and iron brew for us to come into. Made a fire, dismantled the bed (not moved it yet but that will be when he moves into new place) and hoovered through. He wasn't like that when he lived here.

I've shopped for a new bed, bedding on order, bought new throws and pillows for the sitting room and paint for the kitchen, new door knobs for the units are on their way and I'm sat here with tears rolling down my face as I type. Ds2 has cried today too (very unusual) and I don't know if I can find it in me to be strong enough for him tonight.

Take care of yourself

Dd is due back tomorrow (she has been say with her boyfriends family for a week. Ds1 is 20 and lives at uni about an hours car drive away (opposite direction to my uni). I don't think he will be home this weekend although he has been very supportive ringing me every day (I've rung him too to check on him).

We've shifted the furniture round a bit in the lounge since we got back in to make it a bit cosier, chucked the cushions about and wrapped up in teddy bear throws ( had to Velcro the dogs off them ) and ordered a take away. We have had a big cry together and I think we feel better.

I don't want anyone to come round who I have to be polite to. I rang my dad to get support - he told me to pull myself together. Very bloody helpful.

Well I'm well into a bottle of red, alone as ds2 gone to bed, I mistakenly posted on FB about the separation and my messenger and phone has gone absolutely crazy. I did put that I didn't want to talk about it. Any one would think i declared open season on my phone.

I know it's just because people care but I wished they had taken me at my word as I feel very lonely tonight.

I don't really know what to say but have read this thread and definitely think you are far stronger than you think you are xx

Chin up. One day at a time. Plod on. One step. One step.

And your messages show how much folk care x

Thank you xxxx I know they care it's just that although I didn't want it really, I sort of wanted someone to come knock on my door and give me a hug. Instead I have been bombarded with messages from an old work colleague offering to come and roll around on the carpet with me once the kids are in bed - and I'm like what the actual fuck? And he can fuck off to the the far side of fuck the stinky (one bath a week) cig smelling ogre. As if I need that? Tonight of all nights?

Stay off Facebook ! People relish in gossip so don't let them use you .
Eat well and go to bed with your belly full of your wine alone.
Get up tomorrow and shower and start the day with good breakfast .
You need to get your head straight before anyone comments and please don't waste energy on family who don't care.
It's heartbreaking waiting for them to hug you and help you .
Believe me I've been there so don't set yourself up for disappointment .
Take your little man out tomorrow . Go to park and smell fresh air . Buy cheap bread and aim for the ducks .
Then just be kind to yourself.
You can't heal overnight and believe me your feelings are going to go for hate to love and I want him back in a matter or days.
So I think your focus has to be on your boy and your health .
One day at a time and remember be kind to yourself and stay away from toxic people xxx

Thank you everyone for your support :) it's not been easy tonight.

Your comments have been very helpful xxx and tomorrow is a new day of bright (bleary, drunken and over hung) new tomorrow's.

Let's see how the days go and how I deal with the issues thrown up.