It's his last night at home

[Bloodywellhowmuch]

Morning everyone.

Tonight will be Mr BWHM's last night in the family home as Mr BWHM. He is moving out tomorrow, not into the apartment he has signed up for as it isn't ready, but back to his mums house for 2 weeks as I said he had to move out tomorrow regardless.

We have remained amicable during the last few weeks whilst he was getting ready to move out and are still friends as such, but it is tearing me apart right now, I know this is irrelevant but, last night when I went to bed he was still mine today, but tonight when I go to bed he won't be mine tomorrow (even though I know he hasn't been mine for a while) and I'm finding it very hard to deal with, I have a sinking feeling in my tummy, every muscle/bone/joint aches from holding myself rigid due to stress, I'm not sleeping (3 to 4 hrs a night but broken and nightmares when I do drop off).

I don't want to be at home tomorrow when he is packing up and actually moving out, I will have DS2 (13 and autistic) with me (ds1 and dd are away from the family home this week anyway) so I don't feel as if I could go to a friends home and rant and cry/shout and cry more iykwim.

What can I do that isn't majorly expensive with ds2 to pass on some time and not be in the house?

Will you all have some advice for me and hold my hand when it does get to tomorrow?

I'm feeling lost and don't feel as if there is an RL support for me, my dad thinks it's my fault, my mum, brother and both sets of grandparents have passed away and I have no aunts/uncles/cousins locally I can call on.

Oh Bloody - hope you're in bed now and sleeping but glad that your H did the decent thing before he left, that's actually quite classy and unusual (IME)

Glad you had a cry together with your DS2 - taking comfort from each other is the best way forward, I think, he knows that when he's sad, you can still comfort him even though you're sad too - and that it's ok for you to both be sad about what's happened, because it IS sad. Acknowledging that for both of you is a good thing.

Sorry you've had the onslaught, especially from the ex-colleague, WTAF?? But be aware that you will now be seen as "fair game" and "desperate" by a small sub-section of the male populace, mostly married ones! Ugh.

Just switch your phone off. x

Well I've been wide awake for 2 hours already, I'm shattered and hung over but I've already had tea in bed with chocolate :) to combat the achy brain.

I'm currently sharing my single bed with the 2 doggies (who stink) but they are nice and warm and very comforting.

I'm going to let the little one sleep late this morning so that I can get a bit of a head start on some of the diy I want to do today

Tea and chocolate in bed sounds nice. What diy are you planning? It will be good to start making the house yours.

Today's plans are to glue the piece of skirting board that he has been going to drill and fasten for 3 years.

White caulk the side of the bath, sink and shower - that has been waiting 12 years to be finished, oh and I'm going to unscrew the overfill and remove the bit of plastic that has been stuck there since the bath went in.

And after he has dropped in to see the kids and work out a visiting schedule with us I am going to prime and paint a cupboard door just so I can look at it and truly decide if I like the colour or not.

Wow, I know about keeping yourself busy but that sounds like a epic start! Especially with a hangover!

Yeah it all seemed epic when I planned it last week - currently sat slobbed out on sofa in my pjs wishing I could take some more pain killers and wondering why the bacon sandwich hasn't miraculously arrived with more hot coffee then remembered that the cheating bastard who would have made it left yesterday do you think I could train the dogs to make it?

I doubt that you'd be able to train them to make it, but I suspect you won't have any difficulty training them to eat it.

Drink this and then it's off to work you go... what colour will the cupboard door be?

Wooooahhhh there lady!!

You don't have to do all of this now!

Its great that you have plans but today is a day to slob around, potter, feel sorry for yourself and start to THINK about your plans. Then maybe, when you feel less queasy, get out for some fresh air - come home and maybe maybe do one of those things on your list.

If you treat yourself to anything, let it be a drill that doubles as an electric screwdriver. That is the only reason men think they are the diy kings because the hog the power drill. Then get yourself a saw (they are cheap) and do the skirting properly :) whilst simultaneously flipping the finger to the twat who wasn't able to do it but couldnt bear the thought of you doing it because it would have made him feel less of a man. Well hes the big man now isn't he? Skulking off with his tail between his legs.

First day of the rest of your life and all that, just let the hang over pass first :)

Hangover has lifted, I've got dressed and caulked the bathroom - had to do it before he arrived here this afternoon. It's done, looks amazing, and only took 20 minutes. I know he has seen it as he went to the loo and I deliberately left the sealant tube in the bathroom :) he didn't comment though.

And I have a primer coat on one door it looks weird all white right now but I can't wait to put the colour on later, duck egg blue for the nosy on :) although that does mean creamy walls so not far away from beige really, but I'm hoping the cupboards will give enough colour to lift it.

Is is nosey to express an interest in an OP's colour scheme?

Duck egg blue has always been one of my favourite colours and your cupboard doors will look great against creamy walls. To my mind, it doesn't work the other way round - cream cupboards and duck egg blue walls - as the overall effect can be a tad clinical.

Perhaps you should have applied it to left the sealant on the toilet seat minutes before he arrived.

Please don't take it as if I was being dismissive of being asked the colour scheme, I never intended it that way. Sometimes tongue in cheek doesn't work on the Internet I must remember this I love the colour and the one door is now painted and looks lush and I will hang onto that during the dark days ahead that I deserve colour in my life and that I'm not beige - one of the things I compromised on for him. I've also moved a huge 4 doored wardrobe from one wall to another so that I can have my new bed in a different place in the bedroom.

I have however just sat down after racing round all day not giving myself time to think, I actually feel pretty calm and as if I had made a difference today.

The doggies are on the sofa again yay

Hi, yeah today started off not so good but turned around once I got down stairs and looked at my cupboard door :) I have since painted 8 more and about to start on second coat after another cup of coffee

I got a bit worried, when he said he was coming over to pick up his mail tonight, that he would comment on my painting the kitchen cabinets BUT HE DOESNT LIVE HERE ANYMORE

I know I've been busy doing diy projects and putting colour in my home but it is just so I don't sit and dwell on the situation.

Emotionally I'm all over the place, can't sit still, exhausted, need to do something, can't wait for bed and then don't sleep - I'm sure all of this is normal and I can't rely on alcohol to knock me out every night as it isn't doing and then I just get up with a hangover.

Are you me?

Similar situation - my two were 7 and 11 though (little one has autism) when the idiot left (to shack up with his gf five doors down our street - which made it interesting)

I got all the diy bits done and I repainted all through - new carpets + bedding too

Felt like my home.

I married again many years later and I let the present husband decorate again (so generous of me eh) and he put his stamp on the place to make it his home too ( not beige though)

Don't forget to rest....

I got a lot of DIY done on the house when my ex and I separated. Very therapeutic, and the house looks completely different now. I still have a few things to finish, but it's just not the house that "we" lived in anymore, which is brilliant for me.

8 cupboards painted, one with a coat of varnish (attempting to protect the paint for a bit longer) and I will probably put another on it.

All the plasterwork filled and the high cabinets are cornices glued and filled (19 years to do but hey ho), they just want sanding but won't do until all base units are varnished and dry - only 8 of them to do - got 4 more base units to start and 4 drawers - I'm hoping to get some time in around uni this week if not it can wait till the weekend and then it will be painting wall time.

I can't believe that I have let him ignore all the little jobs that would finish off a project and that I didn't do them before but I suppose I just wanted him to complete his diy.

I feel truly knackered today with all this work - think I might have a nice long bath in my siliconed sealed bath that I did yesterday and marvel at how truly amazing a person I am and not cry into a glass of wine again

You're doing brilliantly, OP.

Your dad is a nob, though, isn't he?! Do you have a good friend you could meet up with? I feel like you need someone in real life who will actually support you and give you a massive hug now and again - so you don't have to resort to calling your pathetic excuse for a dad or inadvertently attracting weirdos on FB.

If nothing else, invite a good friend over that will not only bring wine but will be suitably impressed with all your hard work.

When you're done with yours, you can come to my house if you want….I have plenty of DIY jobs to keep you busy.

You are indeed epic bloody I find decorating is better than therapy. Enjoy your bath.

Thanks guys :D

I'm feeling fucking amazing right now back aching, knees sore, arms screaming in pain but I've doubled varnished the units I started this morning, painted the other 4 bases (twice) and I'm going for a bath to unwind the knots before putting a varnish layer on before bed so it will dry over night and I can stick a second coat on in the morning before uni to dry all day - which means tomorrow nights job is just sanding the top units :)

Just as a side - when he came earlier to collect his mail he did a double take and said 'no need to ask what you have done today' and he asked what if I didn't like it in 6 months (incidentally the amount of time he has asked for to get his right and see how we go not fucking likely mate, you left and as much as I miss you, I don't see you coming back I just replied with 'nothing a bucket of nitro mores won't sort out'. I really got the impression he didn't like it mini fist bump but I love it.

I'm seeing friends throughout the week, I think I'm going to be very hyper on coffee :)

Well I think it hit me today.

The new bed arrived and all I've done is cry since I made it up - new bedding, quilt and pillows, nothing remotely that he would have chosen or approved of.

I know it's my home, I know he isn't coming back so why did the new bed set me off?