It's his last night at home

[Bloodywellhowmuch]

Morning everyone.

Tonight will be Mr BWHM's last night in the family home as Mr BWHM. He is moving out tomorrow, not into the apartment he has signed up for as it isn't ready, but back to his mums house for 2 weeks as I said he had to move out tomorrow regardless.

We have remained amicable during the last few weeks whilst he was getting ready to move out and are still friends as such, but it is tearing me apart right now, I know this is irrelevant but, last night when I went to bed he was still mine today, but tonight when I go to bed he won't be mine tomorrow (even though I know he hasn't been mine for a while) and I'm finding it very hard to deal with, I have a sinking feeling in my tummy, every muscle/bone/joint aches from holding myself rigid due to stress, I'm not sleeping (3 to 4 hrs a night but broken and nightmares when I do drop off).

I don't want to be at home tomorrow when he is packing up and actually moving out, I will have DS2 (13 and autistic) with me (ds1 and dd are away from the family home this week anyway) so I don't feel as if I could go to a friends home and rant and cry/shout and cry more iykwim.

What can I do that isn't majorly expensive with ds2 to pass on some time and not be in the house?

Will you all have some advice for me and hold my hand when it does get to tomorrow?

I'm feeling lost and don't feel as if there is an RL support for me, my dad thinks it's my fault, my mum, brother and both sets of grandparents have passed away and I have no aunts/uncles/cousins locally I can call on.

I don't think you need a slap or a shake. Just a good long look in the mirror. Look hard. Really see the worthwhile, lovely, deserving woman looking back at you. She deserves happiness. She deserves the world and more. And she will have it. Maybe not right away, she's got some things to think about and decisions to make. And she will make the right decisions, good decisions. Now, smile at that woman in the mirror and watch her smile right back at you. You are stronger than you know.

You are never really alone, you know. You always have your own company. And, for what it's worth, I think it's pretty darn good company to have!

Those are truly inspriing words, AcrossthePond.

You can't go wrong, OP - it's going to come good and it's going be colourful

Bloody - there will be backsliding days, but they will become fewer and farther between as time goes on. Of course, they hit harder when they do occur after a long gap, because you really think you're "over it" - and then you have a backslidey day and think you're back at square one. You're really not.

You have taken MANY steps forward - now you've taken a couple back, and it's causing you to look back and regret the loss of what could have been again - this is NORMAL. Tomorrow is another day and will almost certainly be a moving forward again day - looking to the future, not the past, and realising how much brighter it is for you now. The only time you'll be sad is when you look back - so turn your face forwards, smile at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that your life is only going to get better from now on.

Lovely post Goddess
Bloody you are a survivor and have already dealt with a huge amount of grief. Literally. If you can get through (note I said 'through' not 'over') losing your DMum, DBro, DGPs then you can certainly get to the better side of this.
I don't do alcohol, so have a

Thanks Goddess

Oftentimes, in our realization of what a bastard we've been involved with we spend too much time 'downing' ourselves for 'allowing' it to happen! I think one of the most valuable things I learnt during that period (getting out of a bad relationship) was that it was just as important to think well of myself as it was to think badly of the abusive man, iyswim.

Well this year just tops the fucking lot, I've just had a visit from my dad, he is undergoing investigation for bowel cancer and has more invasive tests next week- I don't know if I'm in shock or disbelieve right now but how can I start the year feeling really well and that it was on the up and that I could only get Better and better, to this just 10 months later?

Sorry to hear that, Bloody
Hope the tests come back ok.
There is lots of support out there for if it is needed.

Thanks blue xxx

Oh dear. Seems it never rains but it pours. I hope all turns out well for your dad.

Just take a day at a time.

You might start 2016 thinking it is shit but by the end it will genuinely be better. You know it will.

2016 will be built on truth and freedom, unlike the lies that underpinned early 2015.

How awful for your poor dad and how dreadful for you but hold the faith, honey, it will be OK.

You can get practical advice on the General Health board from the Tamoxigang thread which is for anyone who has cancer concerns regarding their own health or that of a friend/relative. The lovely women there will hold your hand and regular poster amberlight is a fount of knowledge with regard to the very latest research and treatments.

As AtP has said, take it one day at a time and try to find time for yourself while you're supporting your df.

You are all brilliant as usual, I just think I had been side swiped yesterday.

I kept thinking what else? But I've had a sleep (not long but still slept) and woke up feeling as if all the world was ending, but I shook myself and said that there one hell of a lot of people who don't have what I do, who are in very worse situations, who keep going day after day and that perhaps I should just be grateful that I have my health, my home and my kids. Not what I planned at this stage in my life but most definitely more that I could have had.

It is not always easy to think like that OP , but it does help. Look after yourself as much as possible. You will have "normal" days when you feel like all this shit is happening to someone else. It will stop pounding behind your eyes, and slip to the back of your mind.
Don't drag it back to the fore. Leave it where it is, and enjoy the respite.
Keep a diary. That can stop your head spinning and retelling the same events over and over.
I've just had an experience today when someone being nice to me upset me more than someone being horrible to me. Buggered if I know !

You were side-swiped. No two ways about that. The blow came from nowhere and it's awful to think that your poor dad was having tests and carrying his fears alone before he shared his health concerns with you yesterday.

Hopefully further investigation will show he has a benign condition that is easily resolved by surgical or medical intervention, but please be reassured all is not lost when the diagnosis is cancer - a disease that is no longer the killer it used to be.

I have my health, my home and my kids hold on to this solid evidence that you are truly blessed. Many would jump at the chance of changing places with you and while it's not a thought that readily sustains through times of trial, it is one that can bring perspective to the more challenging aspects of life.

Take comfort from knowing that whatever else befalls you this too will pass, and you will continue to grow in wisdom and maturity.

Thank you xxxx I think dad has hung onto the news as my mum died from lung cancer within 6 months of diagnosis and I know he is scared, so scared that he is flying to see my aunt in South Africa in a week (he is coming tomorrow night to book his flights).

I know it won't be easy but this year has been shite, both my grandparents have died (who I was very close to, saw 3 times a week) my husbands affair and the subsequent leaving and a whole miriad of 'life' to deal with.

Aw, your poor dad but wouldn't he be best advised to wait until the further tests are carried out this week before he books a flight in case he needs to be admitted to hospital? If you can get time off work to accompany him you may be able to get more information out of the medics who will be treating him.

I'm so sorry you lost both of your dgps this year. It seems that a number of what can be described as rites of passage have occurred within a short period of each other which can be exceptionally taxing and draining.

Take it one day at a time and try to make time each day for 10 minutes of quiet meditation in which you can get off the treadmill and simply 'be' without your mind being beset by the need to find solutions to all of problems which assail it.