A lonely single Dad.

[TheKnightsWhoSayNi]

At the age of 31, I find myself a single father to 3 kids, with a full time job, and mortgage and a complete waste of space for an ex. I'm sure there's more than a few of you here in the same predicament.

It's been nearly a year, and I feel I've made a lot of progress with my life. I've quit smoking, my bank account has never been healthier, I've gotten into such good shape that first time in my life I can see my abs, my kids are doing better in school amd are generally happier than they were when she was here, and now that she's not telling me I'm not allowed to I finally learned to drive and got a car, and without the stress of living with her I'm doing a lot better in work and got a nice pay rise as a result.

But, II just get lonely now. Especially since she effectively isolated me from my old friends, although I've reconnected with a couple of them and got in touch with my family again (who she also got rid of a while ago). Sometimes I feel like she was right and I'll never find anyone else and move on.

I don't get out much sincei don't want to leave my kids any one else more then is necessary now that it's just me, so I don't exactly get to meet new people very often. I hope I'm wrong, but it also seems that no woman I've met would go near a man of 31 with full custody of 3 kids. Please trek me I'm wrong about that. I've seen threads where it's been said that you wouldn't.

Is this a dating profile?

Right, well based on what you've written here, you will have no problem at all meeting someone else. You sound comfortable in your skin now - keep that, and don't rush anything, you are still young and there will be loads of people (divorcees especially) who would be interested im sure. Just dont rush things because you're worried about being alone, you have loads of time, trust me

I think there are groups for single parents that you can join. Gingerbread springs to mind.
Can you have one night a week or fortnight where you can get a babysitter and have some me time? It's important to have a little balance in your life so you don't become a martyr to your family.
Can you invite friends or family round for lunch/ takeaway to keep a connection with them going. I found being at home with young children very isolating.
You sound like you are doing a great job!

No, it's not. Sorry, that's not what I meant. I just mean I've been trying to get back up and improve myself, but I just feel like it's a but pointless at the moment. Just feeling a but glum and wanted, well I have no idea what I wanted. Just to say how I was feeling to someone.

I am a single parent and so is my OH. I agree, don't rush things. We don't live together nor will we for a long time. Caring responsibilities don't always blend well - but you can still combine support, companionship, fun and intimacy.

Having full custody of three kids would not be an issue for me, a man who doesn't have anything to do with his kids by his own choice would be a no go zone.

Well, I've only been out twice in the past year without the kids. I think I'm just a bit exhausted right now. Meeting someone else is something you actually have to go out to do.

Be a great father by all means but do reserve some of life for yourself. Get out there and live a little. Join online dating or google city socializer for your area.

Life is for living. I can imagine the loneliness at times with three DC and doing it all on your own but it's what live has given you so accept it with grace and know that there is more out there for you.

Are you actually going to take responsibility for your own behaviour at all?

I think you'll be snapped up!

If you are working full time and caring for your children the rest of the time, you do need to make sure that you have some time to yourself. Do you have any interests? Can you afford to use a babysitter? You could use the Sitters agency - it doesn't cost more if you have a few children and you can save a babysitter as a favourite so that you get a regular.

What about joining a running club or something like that, to meet friends of both sexes?

What behaviour? Women can be useless waste of space exes too. He has full custody, which says a lot.

I think if there is a reluctance to get involved its because of societys expectations that childcare is womens work. A lot more is expected of stepmothers than there is of stepfathers.

Sorry you're feeling so low! I'm sure you will meet somebody! You sound like a really decent man! And I would hope most women would respect a man who is a full time dad to his kids! You have loads of time! Just concentrate on your family and have fun with the children for now! Somebody will come along!

The behaviour where his ex 'made' him do all of these things.
I've been in EA relationship but I certainly wouldn't say it like that. I do take responsibility for myself. My ex contributed to my isolation but OP seems to want to blame ex for everything.

Oh wow. Some great victim blaming there. Would you say the same if the OP was a woman victim?

In what way is he blaming her for everything? Please explain!

AtSea that's some pretty shitty victim blaming going on there.

I'm now three years out of my abusive relationship and I'm still working through the guilt I feel when in reality he manipulated me so cleverly and deftly that the guilt is his alone.

OP you're only a year out? That's no time at all though I'm sure it feels like forever. Do try to take some time for yourself - you'll be a better parent for it. Be honest with your friends and family - the resentment they felt melted once they knew how difficult my life had been.

Above all, stay positive. I'm now with an amazing man (a single father like you). Life is good.

Oh please AtSea, his ex could be a complete waste of space. People are!
You sound like you're doing a great job op. You've achieved a lot and your kids are happier.
Give it time. Keep improving your life as much as you can, try online dating if possible and just get out there as much as you can. If you're lovely, you will indeed get snapped up.
I think the fact you're bringing up three kids is a wonderful testament to you

Actually, AtSea, I do kind of agree. There are things I could have done a lot differently, especially being so weak as to allow it all to happen. That why I've been trying to take charge since she. (I don't just have full custody, social services insisted she should have only supervised contact because she's now a drug addict). If it wasn't for all the affairs, maybe I would try to get into rehab or something, maybe I should have. I feel pretty bad about that, but she made a choice to start that.

Anyway, LineyReborn and Hurricane, I think that was what I wanted to hear.

Yes I was mood. It kind of helper to have a bit of a winge since I keep on trying to smile and say everything's great.

I should try to get out more.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. Welcome to the LP's club it's the biggest one in town!

You sound amazing!

No, you won't have a line of prospective partners beating a path to your door frankly, who does?!

So what? Don't be in a rush to latch onto the first person that comes into your life. Because everyone has baggage! We have enough of our own without complicating it with others'. You owe your kids the best you can give them.

Best to become strong in yourself, do what needs to be done, find stuff that interests you that you can do at home - you can find anything on internet!-- and one day when you aren,t looking someone wonderful will come into your life.

I totally admire any guy who is a LP. Friend of mine's brother is one with 3 kids. crazy mother. He is a wonderful guy.

Oly Please. Nobody is a waste of space. I find that a very snobbish attitude. (As in: I am better than you).

People come into our life for a reason. If only to hold up a mirror.

HTH

I was a single dad to a 10 and 13 year old girls for 3 years after my wife died. I didn't get out or want to get out much to start with but I tried OLD with limited success, friends introduced me to their single friends who they thought I would get on with. I'm now in a relationship and very happy. So if my experience is anything to go by, I think you'll find women will go near you.

What is it with some people and the need to blame the man in every relationship breakdown?

OP, you are (as others have said) only a year into your new life and still adjusting. In time you will feel relaxed enough to have a friend or relative babysit and then you can find a group and start a new hobby or go back to an old one. Or even just have an odd night out with an old friend.

You will be okay, it really won't be like this forever.