Pressure from husband

[quesadillas6]

I've posted many times recently about having difficulties coping with baby twins, and now I've got a problem with my DH and how he's pressuring me to continue breastfeeding. I'm currently mix feeding, but have had problems with poor weight gain from both babies, bad latch and general disinterest from both. I'm utterly miserable at the moment. Each feed is taking two hours and I have another child to look after, who gets extremely upset every time I do it. The midwife and health visitor don't believe I've got a good enough supply to drop the formula and solely breastfeed. But DH is pressuring me to continue. It's great that he's supportive of it, but it's turning into real pressure. Last night he said that if I gave up at a point he thought was too soon, and one of the children had health problems in the future, he'd be thinking that they might not have that problem if I'd fed them for longer. So he'll resent me for giving up, and I'll resent him if I continue. How do we get out of this? Me give up and just hope there are no problems in the future that he'll blame me for.

I do believe in the benefits of breastfeeding, or I wouldn't have started. But I also believe there's more to good health than just that. If I'd had an easier time, I'd be continuing. But I can't see why he'd want me to carry on with something I'm finding miserable, upsetting and painful. I wouldn't want him doing that, because he's my husband and I care about him. But he's just seeing me as some sort of baby feeding machine who isn't doing my job. And one of my reasons I want to give up is the effect it's having on my older child. I want to do what's best for everybody, but his pressure is contributing to me feeling like I'm headed towards depression. What do I do? If I say anything he looks all hurt and gives it the sad eyes and "I'm only trying to support you" stuff. But it's not support, it's pressure. I just feel stuck.

Then whether he is "softening" or not should have no influence on what you decide.

Not a lot else to advise.
Just sending you ((hugs)) and strength

Remember to take it slowly. You may get another bout of 'baby blues' as your body misses the hormone but it passes quite quickly.

Good luck.

Just to say that we have twins, now 19 months and an older child. I wouldn't agree with other posters about dumping your DH over this. Twins put an enormous stress on relationships, it's scary, stressful and enormously hard work but does get easier..particularly from 12 months. As you say, take things slow and don't make any relationship decisions until you're out of this hazy period! Lots of Luck xxx

ummm...just a thought....your hubby is worried that if you stop breast feeding your twins they may have health issues in the future....well what about health issues now if they are not getting enough and are underweight....do whats right for your twins and yourself....not him...and explain the reason why!

Twins put an enormous stress on relationships

Don't blame the twins for their father being a cunt.

Threatening your wife to control her decisions about her all body is not "enormous stress on a relationship" it's "being an abusive prick".

Being breast-fed or not doesn't really have much to do with health issues. I was breast-fed and have had endless health issues. My cousins were all bottle fed and are as healthy as it's possible to be!

Plus - theoretically, what if you breast-fed until they were 2 or 3, and they developed health problems anyway? How would he blame you then?

I agree that you don't end a marriage because your otherwise good partner is a bell-end over one topic, but it's worth being ready to stamp on that behaviour if and when it resurfaces.

Would he like to be questioned on the quality of his sperm, and whether too much booze or junk food in the months before their conception could have caused health problems? No, he wouldn't. And he didn't even do the work in carrying and birthing and feeding them. So don't let him get away with that bullshit. Haranguing his children's mother and 'resenting' and guilt tripping her for no reason is ironically something that could actually end up damaging his children's happiness and well-being, if it brings about the end of his marriage.

"Instead of saying "if our children have health problems I'll be thinking it's your fault" why couldn't he say something like "let's make sure we've looked into everything to get breastfeeding working, and if it's still making you unhappy, stop."

Because he's a shithead who isn't man enough to own the fact he was wrong and risked making you seriously unhappy, possibly depressed, over it, as well as risking the nourishment of your babies and running roughshod over your right to bodily autonomy. After you've already gone through pregnancy and childbirth.

Maybe in time he will stop being a shithead but at the moment, that would be the reason.

I see you've decided to stop and I just wanted to add my story in support of this.

I breastfed my eldest for 13 months, she took to it like a duck to water, it was easy and lovely and she was always a good solid weight and healthy. I didn't even consider the idea that it might not be the same with DD2! She arrived, she was a terrible feeder, she just wasn't interested, it was such a struggle and my supply steadily dropped, as did her weight...at around 4 months I resorted to expressing every feed to try and get her to take a full feed and keep my supply going. I was just too stubborn to give up. Well I lasted until she was 10 months, invested a lot of money in new pumps and hiring hospital grade equipment in my desperation to keep going. What do I have to show for it? Well she only really started to thrive when she started solids and now whenever I think of her first year all I see is the pain and stress and misery I went through! Don't let the first months of your twins' lives go the same way. Happy mother = happy baby, that is above all the most important thing I tell new mother now in my advice. Look after yourself and you will be in a much better place to nourish and care for your baby, this breast and bottle debate we all get sucked into is total madness, it reall doesn't make enough of a difference to stress about

Ques I'm a twin & my Mum didn't even consider breastfeeding us!
You've done a bl**dy wonderful job feeding twins yourself.
You should be feeling very proud.