Hello everyone.
Feeling really down today, online dating has not been working for me at all and today it's all got a bit too much for me, feeling really upset and depressed with it all.
I am 27 years old and have never had a proper boyfriend with the exception of one relationship when I was still a teenager, but we never slept together or went on any outings or anything like that, and I can barely remember it tbh, it was a long time ago and I have been single for coming up to ten years now.
I started online dating around this time last year, well it was probably around beginning of November time. Initially I got quite a few messages but it was all people from other countries, men much older than me and so on. I did reply to some messages but the conversation never got very far. Eventually I got talking to one guy at the beginning of December. We messaged and text every single day and finally arranged to meet at the end of January after eight weeks of daily messaging.
I liked him, but I could tell from his behaviour that he didn't like me. The date was very rushed, he didn't offer to pay for me (not a problem, just noted as a possible sign he probably didn't like me) and he left the date very quickly. He never text me to check I got home safely, even though it was dark as it was January (we met for dinner after work) and I had an hour and a half journey home alone on public transport. Not only that, I never heard from him again.
I wasn't like devastated as although I felt a bit disappointed, mainly I was just so pleased I had actually been on a real date after ten years! I blocked him on the website and began again.
After a few months around March/April time I met online what I thought was a great guy. He was very handsome and kind and funny and had a good job. He wanted to meet straight away but after the last fiasco I was feeling a bit shy and said no. We carried on messaging and eventually we met up for dinner and the cinema. He was very romantic on the date and it went really well, he complimented me and I could tell he liked me, he paid for me and the conversation was really natural, afterwards he contacted me straight away and we carried on messaging. We went on another date and that also went really well, it was now May and we had been messaging daily for a few months, he asked me to go away on a trip with him and I said yes and we also decided we would be official boyfriend and girlfriend! I was so happy, obviously and really crazy about this guy. we also agreed to stay at a hotel together on the next date (he paid for the hotel but I also paid some other stuff for him).
Sadly this date was not so well, he seemed kind of 'off' compared to the other dates but claimed this was because he was unwell. He wanted to sleep together but I said no. He knew I'd never been with a guy before. I wanted to wait a little longer until I knew him a bit better, also I wasn't on the pill. He seemed okay with my decision but after the date he went a bit silent and didn't text me as much, less than a week later he sent me an email dumping me, saying it was due to work commitments, I was absolutely gutted and cried a lot, I really thought he liked me as a person and wouldn't be like that.
About eight weeks later he sent me a few texts saying he'd noticed I'd deleted my online profile and hoped it wasn't anything to do with him but I was very strong and didn't reply to his messages and I deleted his number off my phone again (I'd already deleted it when he first dumped me).
Anyway after that I had a few more rubbish dates which I got with a new profile under a different name, I can't describe them here as it would make this message even more long but suffice to say they were terrible and on one of them I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying, I was still not over the guy before and also felt so depressed and unhappy.
Finally around beginning of August I met another guy. This is the guy I'm now upset about. I've never met him yet in real life for various reasons, we had arranged to meet later this month. He seemed really nice and from his photos very attractive, we have been messaging most days since the beginning of August. He wasn't always the best at replying to emails, I once sent him a long message and he said as it was late he would reply to it the next day, he never did and when I nudged him a few days later he said he 'forgot', but he insisted he was still interested in me. I decided not to make a fuss and we carried on messaging and though I never met him I liked him a lot. Two weeks ago I went on holiday and as he said he'd miss chatting to me while I was gone I made sure I sent him a long message before I went and I enjoyed talking to him anyway. While I was on holiday I was pretty busy and didn't get much chance to think of him the first week but the second week while sunbathing etc I did think of him and missed him quite a lot as I was used to hearing from him daily. I was so looking forward to hearing from him when I got back as I had no access to emails while I was away. Well, I got back from holiday yesterday and I was so disappointed that there was no new message from him, I had missed him very much and he had never replied to my last long message! I know it sounds dramatic but I was kind of crushed and sent him a message last night why he didn't reply. He said he didn't know why, hoped I would forgive him, said he was still interested in me and liked chatting to me. I slept on it and this morning I was still so upset over it I emailed him to say I was not willing to put up with my messages being ignored, it's not the first time it has happened, if he really was interested he would reply to me. I told him I didn't want to stay in contact and that I didn't want to meet up any more as we were meant to be meeting for the first time the weekend after next.
I am feeling a bit discouraged, I just want to meet someone genuine who is not just looking for someone to sleep with and who actually enjoys talking to me and doesn't blank my messages. All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family with someone who will be my best friend, and after a very painful year of online dating, that doesn't look likely to happen anytime soon, I'm no closer to having a boyfriend than I was before.
Very, very upset and I don't want to do the online dating any more as it's not fun any more and it's too painful. It looks like I am going to be single forever. :-(