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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is she taking the ...?

121 replies

Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 14:47

Sorry i couldn't find anywhere else to put this.
Basically me and best friend planned trip to london for our birthdays in December.
Now the hotel is £270 and train is £160 that's for both.
I've managed to save £500 and plan on saving £500 more.
Now my friend already said not sure she will have the same as me but has turned round and said she will have £30 spending money and can't afford to pay her half of hotel or train.

What the hell.
Yet on Facebook she's uploading pics of clothes and things she's buying.
How can she think £30 in london for spends and not paying her half of money for hotel or train is okay.

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/10/2015 16:59

Wake up Ana, she is completely taking the piss out of you. Why can't you see that? I bet if you told her tomorrow that you had a big unexpected bill and that you'd be broke for a while, you wouldn't see her for dust.

^^ This

Please go and buy yourself one of these instead of spending another penny on this woman

Cabrinha · 08/10/2015 17:05

You need to take a really good look at why you've been paying for her all this time, because it's crazy and it's not normal not to say no.

And £270 on a hotel even in London is a massive waste of money anyway, btw - presumably that's a shared room?

If you can't refund the train tickets (probably not in advance purchase?) I'd switch to a MUCH cheaper hotel, and take your daughter for an awesome weekend of free sights and free museums.

BettinaMc · 08/10/2015 17:10

Whoa whoa whoa - Hold the bus.

You Pay for her to have her hair cut?
She asks you to put stuff on your credit card?
She asks to borrow money on the day she is paid?
She is "really looking forward to a trip" that she can't pay for???

SHE IS USING YOU.

Whether she has had a miscarriage or not SHE IS A USER!

The fact that she just EXPECTS you to pay for EVERYTHING with no discussion is really concerning. Step away from this woman. She is a leech and will bleed you dry.

Katedotness1963 · 08/10/2015 17:16

I hate to say this...but, I'm a doormat and I can see she's taking the piss. I understand being disappointed but you can't let her do this to you anymore. You have been an absolutely fantastic friend but you deserve someone who treats you the same. Friendships have give and take and it's not always equal but she is a taker. Just a taker. I'm sorry. You need to stand up for yourself. £30? Seriously? £30??

magoria · 08/10/2015 17:17

I bet if you say you can't afford to pay for all these things going forwards you will soon see if you or your £ are her real friend.

ButterfliesnWaterfalls · 08/10/2015 17:19

She's taking advantage of you.

Go on your own, or cancel altogether, but DO NOT pay for her. It seems to me that you've let her 'use' you in your friendship. Why would you ALWAYS pay for her tea? Or even a haircut? Does she not have money?

Seems like she's got you wrapped around her little finger. She's completely dominating you.

cozietoesie · 08/10/2015 18:25

You do sound like a nice person but she's royally using you. (If I had had an upset, I would be mightily thrilled if a friend came round to see me and eg brought me some cake/made me a cup of tea but I would absolutely refuse an (in-effect) all expenses paid trip to some bright lighte even if offered - no way would I ever suggest or ask for it.)

Tell her you can't make it at all and leave it at that.

(You could always say you can only afford to pay for yourself but I reckon she'd put a snow job on you and you'd still end up paying somehow.)

Have fun at Disney and don't see her again.

tableanadchairs · 08/10/2015 18:35

Going by what you have written it appears she never had any intention of paying out on train tickets or the hotel. You have been her cash cow for so long she totally expects you to bail her out as usual.
She is no friend of yours . use the tickets to do something nice with your DP and DC and ditch her now x

NumbBlaseCold · 08/10/2015 20:33

Go by yourself.

You are allowing her to use you as an ATM.

Do you really expect that money back?

You will not get it.

Getuhda348 · 08/10/2015 21:13

You no she's using you. So we can all tell you until the end of time to end the friendship or make it clear your not a cash cow but unless you actually do something about it it's meaningless. Take your daughter to London if you've payed the train fair and enjoy it

Ashbishbash · 08/10/2015 22:03

I've had advance tickets (Glasgow to London £120) refunded no probs last year. just call them - if you've not collected the tickets yet it's even easier you don't have to do anything.

Ashbishbash · 08/10/2015 22:04

^^They just note the refund and process, if you've collected the tickets you need to return the tickets by post and takes longer.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/10/2015 06:33

Oh Ana you sound lovely. Your friend, not to much!

I hope you've got alternative plans now she have a lovely time with people who life and respect you

amarmai · 09/10/2015 16:07

you know you are being used and she is not a friend. You are angry about it and you know you need to say NO MORE. You will feel soo much better when you get rid of this leech. You need to find out why you have allowed this so it does not happen again=counselling.

Epilepsyhelp · 09/10/2015 16:15

I can't believe you have a child yet you're wasting all this money by being in some pathetic co dependent relationship with this abusive selfish cow, when you could be spending this time and money on your child.

As some one else said I don't know why you posted as you seem to have no intention of changing your plans, you just want lots of sympathy and pats on the back from posters.

Grow up and ditch this twat.

Yoksha · 09/10/2015 16:38

OP hasn't posted in over 24hrs. Practically 100% advice saying same thing. Hope the penny drops.

DaemonPantalaemon · 09/10/2015 22:46

This situation is so outrageous that it says a lot more about the OP than the user friend. No one who has a family to take care of would be willing to be used to this extent.

I suspect the OP has some self-esteem issues she is working out through the friend. Maybe she considers the friend to be prettier, more popular or more fun than the OP is, and feels she has to buy her friendship to keep her close.

Good luck with getting free OP, but I suspect this is one of those threads where the OP just wants to vent without doing anything to change things.

cozietoesie · 09/10/2015 22:57

I disagree with the strength of that, Daemon. You come across takers in this life and very insidious and good at their work they can be as well. Some people who are associated with a taker just aren't 'hard' enough to do anything about it unless and until they're very seriously under threat indeed.

That's just my take so only based on my own thoughts - although I've seen a good few masters of the art at work in my time.

Elllicam · 09/10/2015 23:06

What Fluffypersian said sounds good.

cozietoesie · 09/10/2015 23:18

It did rather, didn't it? In fact, I would go one step further and say/text with great relief 'Oh Thank Goodness, I didn't know how I was going to afford my own half of the trip either. It will be sad to cancel it - but such a relief!'

Then I'd drop her.

DaemonPantalaemon · 09/10/2015 23:32

I saw a very sad thread the other day, I wish I could find it, by an OP whose pre-teen daughter was effectively bribing a friend to be her friend by continually buying her gifts. OP wanted to know how to help her daughter. I hope she got sound advice because in 12 years, that little girl could be this this OP Ana.

Indeed cozietoesie there are some practiced takers, I do not deny that, but nothing in this OP's responses to posters suggests that she really sees this as an ingrained problem. Rather, she seems to be just having a vent without really wanting to do anything about it. I suspect she feels she has to keep the friend onside, and even if she complains here, the upshot of it will still be that off to London they will go to spend the OP's money!

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