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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is she taking the ...?

121 replies

Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 14:47

Sorry i couldn't find anywhere else to put this.
Basically me and best friend planned trip to london for our birthdays in December.
Now the hotel is £270 and train is £160 that's for both.
I've managed to save £500 and plan on saving £500 more.
Now my friend already said not sure she will have the same as me but has turned round and said she will have £30 spending money and can't afford to pay her half of hotel or train.

What the hell.
Yet on Facebook she's uploading pics of clothes and things she's buying.
How can she think £30 in london for spends and not paying her half of money for hotel or train is okay.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/10/2015 15:25

Or do something else!

RedZeppelin · 08/10/2015 15:25

It sounds like you both have completely different budgets to work with.

Cancel the trip and book something you can both afford and agree a budget between you before you book. Then you can put the money you've saved aside for that trip to Disneyland with your daughter.

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 15:28

I have bought the train tickets but so far just reserved hotel with credit card.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 08/10/2015 15:29

Oh yes, maybe go to Disneyland with your little girl instead if you'd both like that Smile
Please don't do this expensive London trip with your friend - she clearly can't afford it
If you're happy enough to take her out for tea every week maybe you can keep on doing little things like that
For your birthday maybe you could go out for a meal with her - and other friends? Maybe other friends would all pay their way and show her how things usually work on a night out together? Shock
The dynamics of this friendship don't seem the best. Please go carefully Ana, especially where money is concerned

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 15:30

None of my other friends are friends with her ..they say she gives them bad vibes.
I'm seriously considering changing my plans.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 08/10/2015 15:32

In that case go to London with your boyfriend instead?
Assuming you would enjoy that at least as much?

gamerchick · 08/10/2015 15:33

Take your bairn away OP you'll have a better time.

HazleNutt · 08/10/2015 15:35

No no no she's no friend!

I had one of that and yes we were also 'friends' for many years. I was always paying, because yes I had a bit more money and she was always skint. She never paid me back. And yes I also had similar cases where we had something planned and booked and what do you know, she was suddenly skint and couldn't pay her share!
When I was then a poor student and she had more money than me, do you think anything changed? Not only that, when I then on one occasion didn't have cash and card didn't work, so she actually paid for a cheap meal, she was very quick to remind me that I still owed her for that. Your 'friend' is a user.

Just tell her that too bad she won't be able to join you and offer that she sets up a savings account for any future trips. She has some cheek.

OurBlanche · 08/10/2015 15:35

It started when she was unemployed and got herself in debt.
So now her wages go on her debt and she says she's left with nothing.

So effectively you are paying back her debt!

Stop considering it, book Disney, book anything, but don't include her any more.

Rafflesway · 08/10/2015 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/10/2015 15:36

Change your plans and tell this woman that the Bank of Ana she has sponged off is permanently closed. She is more of a user rather than a sister figure; this friendship is now really at an end.

Have you wondered why none of your friends are actually friends with this particular individual?.

You may be able to cancel the train tickets, take your DD to Disneyland instead.

DreamingOfThruxtons · 08/10/2015 15:38

Wow. Not a friend. Get rid of her stat..! (I'm assuming you've already had this advice over the course of three pages)

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 15:40

I've been ill this week in bed and downstairs I have my savings jar..so tempted when I'm better to go shopping lol

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 08/10/2015 15:44

Who chose the hotel and train? Did you agree a budget for costs together?

I would ask her how she expects this dilemma to be resolved.

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 15:45

Yeah we said no more than £300 for hotel and the train fares well they are really expensive anyway.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 08/10/2015 15:46

So basically you've already bought the train tickets and she's now told you she won't repay you.
Use the tickets to take your boyfriend and dd to London to see a show or something. Or cancel them get a refund and spend the money on yourself.
She's a massive user - and just sees you as a bank on legs.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 08/10/2015 15:49

Wow. She's like a cocklodger but without the sex!

If she can't pay then she can't come. Nevermind.

HazleNutt · 08/10/2015 15:52

Oh OP do tell her that 'Too bad you can't come then' and report back the reaction! I bet her law will hit the floor when the bluff is called and you don't offer to pay.

Anniegetyourgun · 08/10/2015 15:52

Wait, what, you've got a child yet you're spending all this money on an independent adult?

You're a lovely friend, but please do check your priorities!

Anniegetyourgun · 08/10/2015 15:53

Bah, missed a pageful of replies again, and I'm not even on a phone Angry

dustarr73 · 08/10/2015 15:56

Use the train tickets to London and get a cheap flight to Paris wiht your daughter.Does she have kids/dp.Cause your priority now is your own child and not her.

CainInThePunting · 08/10/2015 15:58

Wow, she saw you coming didn't she?

Cabawill · 08/10/2015 15:58

Where on earth are you travelling from that 2 tickets are £160?

HazleNutt · 08/10/2015 15:59

Jaw not law, obviously

Muckogy · 08/10/2015 16:01

she definitely saw you coming.
in the gentlest possible way.............you sound terribly naive.
she's using you. and you're letting her.