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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is she taking the ...?

121 replies

Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 14:47

Sorry i couldn't find anywhere else to put this.
Basically me and best friend planned trip to london for our birthdays in December.
Now the hotel is £270 and train is £160 that's for both.
I've managed to save £500 and plan on saving £500 more.
Now my friend already said not sure she will have the same as me but has turned round and said she will have £30 spending money and can't afford to pay her half of hotel or train.

What the hell.
Yet on Facebook she's uploading pics of clothes and things she's buying.
How can she think £30 in london for spends and not paying her half of money for hotel or train is okay.

OP posts:
springydaffs · 08/10/2015 16:05

Oh love. She's SO taking you for a ride. You're like a sugar... sister Sad

Cancel cancel cancel with her. Never pay for anything ever again. She may hang around ... or she may not...

She sounds revolting. Ew.

HSMMaCM · 08/10/2015 16:11

Sorry, I'd just say it's a shame you can't afford to come and then go by myself.

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 16:12

Newcastle ..that's the cheapest too
£80.50 each for a return and that's a advance purchase.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 08/10/2015 16:15

she's a user. no, i would not give her any more money at all.

who knows? she may continue being 'like your sister' without the spongeing or you may never hear from her again.

Finola1step · 08/10/2015 16:17

I think this is actually really simple. Yes, you are subsidising her debt and lifestyle. Yes, she is using you and you let her do it.

With the current situation simply say "As the trip to London is so close to Christmas, I can just about afford to pay for myself. So I wont be able to help you out. Lets go out for a meal instead." Then with the money you don't spend, use it towards your Christmas budget.

If you cave and pay her half, you do realise you will end up paying for her London Christmas shopping, don't you? So stop being taken for a mug. This is your perfect opportunity.

NewLife4Me · 08/10/2015 16:20

She is not your friend as friends don't sponge of you.
you have been a sugar sister to her and now she's pushing it even more.
She is under no doubt you will pay for this holiday and keep subbing her.
Stop it now, she is using you, I'm afraid.

Kingie1 · 08/10/2015 16:24

Could you take the coach. I travelled from Birmingham to London for £11 return

Original poster
Ana2015xx · 08/10/2015 16:25

I could but it takes 8 hours from up here and that would be 1 day gone.

OP posts:
ouryve · 08/10/2015 16:26

I bet if you stopped buying things for her, she would stop being your friend.

You realise she never had any intention of paying for her room or train fare? She's a user. You are a walking credit card to her.

Miscarriage or not, you don't fork out over £200 to treat her. You said you had already treated her. She probbly expects you to treat her to thethings she's been gushing about on FB, too, because she's soo saaaad and needs cheering up.

Something like 1 in 3 pregnancies are known to end in miscarriage. It's heartbreaking. It's not a meal ticket (plus hotel, train, hair, clothes and whatever else you fancy ticket) though.

Kingie1 · 08/10/2015 16:29

8 hours. Have you looked at flights. They can be cheaper and take no time at all

Wineandrosesagain · 08/10/2015 16:30

Not really sure why you posted? Everyone is saying the same thing - she is a user and you should stop letting her use you. You keep giving more and more examples of when she has taken the piss but you don't seem to want to change the situation. If you want to pay for her to go to London with you then do so (and carry on being a mug). If you don't want to pay for everything then cancel it. She is not your friend, she is a piss-taker who will probably drop you once you stop subbing her - and bloody good riddance.

bodenbiscuit · 08/10/2015 16:33

It sounds like she's taking advantage of you although you sound like a lovely kind friend. She doesn't deserve you and I agree it sounds like she's a user.

overthemill · 08/10/2015 16:36

I expect you can train tickets refunded if you do it well before travelling ( I think I did it once the day before because of illness) so tang shouldn't be an issue. Go to Disney!

PrincessTooty · 08/10/2015 16:40

I don't understand why you continue to fund her either. You say you have other friends so how about hanging out with them.

It's like she expects you to pay for her friendship. Something is very odd about this.

BTW you can change your train tickets to a different destination or location.

I would go somewhere with your DD. It sounds like she has got a bum deal as you decided to fund your friend rather than your DD.

Kym134 · 08/10/2015 16:41

Usually you can refund train tickets if not used and most hotels will let you cancel in advance. Cancel and say you will find something to do in your friends price range.

Thefuckinggrinch · 08/10/2015 16:41

DO NOT PAY. You will feel relieved when you stop enabling this user. I promise.

category12 · 08/10/2015 16:44

You do realise you're not doing your friend any favours by constantly bailing her out and enabling her to live the life of Riley on your good nature? If she never manages her money properly yet never misses out on anything, where is the incentive to learn? If her debt repayments are so high she has nothing to live on, she needs to rearrange the payments or get an iva or something, not rely on you (and probably others). Do her and yourself a favour by cutting her off.

RNBrie · 08/10/2015 16:45

Get the train tickets refunded if you can and go to Disney with your daughter - that's a much better use of your money.

Or if you can't get them refunded then go with your DP or your daughter and enjoy yourself.

If she's a real friend, it will survive this... if she's not then at least you've got rid of a sponger....

ILiveAtTheBeach · 08/10/2015 16:45

Wake up Ana, she is completely taking the piss out of you. Why can't you see that? I bet if you told her tomorrow that you had a big unexpected bill and that you'd be broke for a while, you wouldn't see her for dust. I am assuming you are very young.

ToesAndFingersCrossed · 08/10/2015 16:46

£30 for London? I went in the other week for and afternoon and it cost me £90!! And a friend bought me a drink so I owe him a round next time I see him. Definitely cancel, or find someone else to go with.

I have to say I did go a bit nuts with money after my mc (paying for that now...) but I never asked friends to borrow money or expected anyone to buy anything for me. It really sucks for her, but it's definitely not your problem from a financial point of view.

lorelei9 · 08/10/2015 16:47

she thinks you're a walking credit card

my ex BF did this with a friend, never listened to any warnings or noticed that others didn't want to be friends with that person.

He ended up being told one day that the tickets he'd got for an event weren't good enough (as not top price) - I mean, he actually got shouted at for it!

for some reason that was the penny drop moment. Until then, I think he really thought his friend would sub him in better days but I don't know why he believed that for so many years....same with your "friend" I'm afraid. Interestingly, the friend in question had also been divorced, then out of work and down on luck generally.....but to me that's obviously a reason to maybe loan money for essentials like heating bills but not to buy massive treats.

does she have many friends?

Kewcumber · 08/10/2015 16:47

Send her a text/email/facebook (whatever she used to tell you) saying...

"Aw, I'm gutted you can't afford to go. Let me know by end of the month/week and if not I'll try to get a refund on the train ticket or maybe persuade XX to come with me instead."

If she asks if you couldn't just pay fore her say...

"I'm struggling to save enough to pay for myself, I couldn't possibly save enough for both of us" and mean it.

TPel · 08/10/2015 16:51

Go with your daughter and boyfriend. Make family memories rather than feel taken advantage of by a so called friend. You will end up with a very expensive bad taste in your mouth otherwise.

badtime · 08/10/2015 16:54

OP, is there any reason you can think of why you wouldn't change your plans?

If you are afraid that if you stop paying, she will stop being your friend, that means you already know she is not really your friend.

Fairenuff · 08/10/2015 16:55

I think you should go OP, take your friend and treat her. Put it all on your credit card like you usually do for her. That's obviously what you want to do as you are resisting all the obvious and sensible advice Hmm

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