Was this a step too far from dh?

[Someonesgotmyname]

Just in brief really as I'm just a bit confused about what happened the other evening during a particularly nasty row. It happened after we had gone to bed. We had a big row which resulted in dh getting out of bed, shouting at me that I was being unreasonable . I was laying down and the light was off. Next thing I know he has whacked a pillow hard into my face as I lay there in the dark. I was so shocked I got up and called him all sorts of expletives asking wtf did he think he was doing. He then ridiculed me and made light of it saying it was only a pillow etc. And did I want to call police to say I'd been assaulted!!!! What do you all think I should make of this? As I say it was a nasty row but too much?

It most definitely was.

And it was a particularly cowardly act of violence at that. I could never trust a man who did that to me, again.

I'm just not sure if I'm over reacting a bit. I was being a cow. He did it as he was getting out of bed and getting his pillows to sleep on sofa. I just don't know, it happened quite fast.

No, really, you're not over reacting. He physically assaulted you, in the dark, when you were falling asleep. There is never any reason to do that.

No, you're not overreacting. He's teaching you that this is what happens when you don't fall in line.

That made me feel all cold and horrible feeling that. No way could I trust anyone again after that - doing something like that in the dark in bed is just plain vicious.

Vicious is the right word. Unacceptable behaviour.

I had the same reaction as Paddington. It must have been such a shock for you. And him minimising it? Not good at all.

I'd start thinking about how he behaves in other aspects of your relationship. Violence doesn't happen in a vacuum.

I'd then look at whether you could ever trust him again. Your world has shifted. Do you think he'd be prepared to move it back on its axis or will he deny responsibility. If it is the latter (and from his initial response I'm guessing it will be) then you have a decision to make. Do you want to wait until next time, or call time now?

The pillows are on his side of the bed. No reason for them to come anywhere near your bed with force.

This time it was a pillow. Next time it could be a fist.

Yes, too much. If he had slapped you with his hand you'd be in no doubt. It's just that but that a pillow was in the way. Do you have rows often? The 'particularly nasty' bit suggests yes. Do you want to keep living like this?

It starts small op. How he reacts now is vital. If he thinks it's ok to hit you with something as long as it's ( in hid opinion ) soft , that'd be worrying. He should be horrified that he hit you with anything. for you. I know first hand how distressing and humiliating it feels to be smacked by someone bigger than you who's meant to love you. Then not being allowed to be upset because it's made them feel better. Be safe.

Do you think it is acceptable?
it's not.
He did assault you. There were many ways he could have chosen to react and he chose that way. let me say that again he CHOSE to hit you.
This is the start op. He will carry on now.
make your own decisions as to whether you want to be his punch bag or not and I'm not talking just literally. It will be verbal, emotional, perhaps financial. There will be minimising and most likely gas -lighting. At some point he will deny that he ever hit you at all.

Did he just pull his pillows out of the bed and accidentally hit you or did he do it deliberately? Either way, his attitude sounds scary.

Nasty and malicious. I would tell him to fuck off.

What a horrible thing to happen. Totallly unacceptable. Does he have form for violence of any kind? Are "particularly nasty rows" something that are a feature of your relationship?

Agree 'vicious' is the right word. To me it sounds like he may have got a sudden impulse to do it while gathering the pillows. His inability to control that impulse is worrying.

The thing is - if you think it is a step too far then it is a step too far.

Did he just pull his pillows out of the bed and accidentally hit you Don't you think that if this were the case his response would have been slightly different?

OP it sounds horrible! You are definitely not overreacting. You said this was the other day, what has happened since? Are you ok?

I think his reaction to little it and taunting you with '..you a want to call police to say I'd been assaulted'

He's chipping away at your boundaries, so when it is a fist you won't think to report it or you will be doubting yourself.

He sounds nasty and calculated.

How long have you b together and do you have children?

I'd be thinking about the future.

Thanks for all the replies. It so hard to get across how it happened. I can explain that he had the pillow in his hands and instead if just tossing it on the bed as it wasn't the one he wanted he kind of whacked it at my face. I really think he knew it wouldn't actually harm me as it was only a soft pillow however it was done with contempt and disrespect. This is the bit I'm struggling with tbh. He sometimes gets extremely defensive when we argue about his daughter (my sdd) I was in the wrong, but he needs to find a way of arguing without the loud shouting, which he does as a way to shut down the argument I think.

Also I will say, I'm no soft touch. If he hits me, he's gone.

The fact it was done in the dark would really scare you too. He doesn't sound very nice op. Hope you're ok