Been very very stupid. Now what. OW.

[msunnymol]

Hi. Expecting no sympathy here whatsoever, just some advice.

Having an affair with a guy who was engaged for around 3 years. He eventually finished his gf this summer and said he didn't want to rush straight from one rship to another so give it some time but it will all work out. He didn't tell her about me.

Few months have passed and he's now been a total and utter tw@t to me and ended it with me. Very rude and harsh in his texts to me and now ignoring me.

I am heartbroken. Never expected it to get as far as it did. He told me he loves me but now he says he doesn't know what love it. I feel so upset but now feel terrible for his ex, she expected a future with him so how must she feel.

I know she will hate me and I am in the wrong a million per cent but I know we can both do better (people may say i deserve what has happened to me). He's ruined her life and ruined mine. I don't want him to go running back to her and to his house expecting her to take him back and she be none the wiser. I want to tell her. But it's not her fault. I don't know what to say/do. I am also petrified of upsetting him as i do love him and don't want to cause his misery but I need to put myself first before him for a change.

Simple advice please?

You only want to tell her to get revenge, otherwise you would have never had the affair in the first place and only now you want to expose him because he's hurt you.

In future only get with single men, if anybody perused you that's in a relationship stay clear and make it clear you plan to do so unless they are a free agent!

I would want to know and not be screwed over by an arsehole.

I would not want to be told by the person fucking him.

You can dress it up how you want but ask yourself this, if he'd said 'I love you, I want to be with you. I need to keep her sweet for 2 months for the house and then we can be together', would you tell her?

Course you fucking wouldn't.

So what are you going to do the next time a man in a relationships tries his luck with you?

You'll be flattered and fall right into his arms, that's what.

We can see right through you.

You've decided he's a really bad person because he has dumped you once too often. You seem to feel that he's only really bad because he's hurt you now. But actually, you knew he was a bad person three years ago. You just didn't care because he wasn't hurting you. However, I can see that you are self-absorbed enough to truly believe that you ought to tell her, now that you have had the opportunity to see his true colours . Your logic is dreadful and you're as bad as he is but if I was her I actually would want to know. I really would. If you don't tell her she may spend years wondering what was lacking in her or trying to puzzle out why they split. It's better that she know it was down to you, rather than a failing of her's. I could be wrong and there's no knowing how it will turn out if you do this. I do think you have done something incredibly selfish and you completely deserve to have lost out. He didn't take anything from you. You chose to be in an affair knowing the score - a lot more than his poor fiance did. It is just so cruel and deceitful. I don't think you could do better, I think you were perfectly matched.

If you decide to tell her, I think the best way might be to call her so she can hang up if she wants to.

It's clear as day that now that he has dumped you and you no longer have him, you don't want his ex to have him either.

It IS revenge you're planning, because you obviously think he wants to go back to her. You can dress it up as 'concern' all you like but I'm afraid the fact that you had no concern for this woman when you were fucking her fiance means it's kind of hard to swallow that suddenly you have developed a conscience about her.

Stop trying to play the wounded heroine and leave her alone.